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So when I heard there was to be another Stargate, I was kinda a little giddy.

Okay, I was squealing uncontrollably.



What I'm talking about here is, the new Stargate: Universe.

Now as an avid viewer of the original '94 Stargate movie which planted the seed to one of my most loved sci-fi's, and then sitting down every week to watch Stargate: SG1, it's safe to say... I had high hopes. I mean, after SG1 finished up we were blessed with Stargate: Atlantis. Also a brilliant sci-fi with the foundation of gate travel via the "Stargate" using a controlled event horizon into an artificial worm-hole that can jump from planet to planet in our solar system. It was just a different team on a different objective.



Anyway, all that aside. I downloaded the first and currently only season of SG:U.

I sat down all giddy like expecting nothing less then awesomness from the Stargate franchise.

Starts up with a dark and eary room, completely empty with nothing but the swirling rings of the stargate. Then it fires up, the big splash of water flies out in the signature Stargate fashion and I'm happy as all fuckery.

People come flying through it, then.... it all kinda just goes down fucking hill from there.

As I watched on, it was all the same thing.

Oh no! Our life support on this ancient ship is failing! Okay, it's cool... We fixed it just at the end of the episode after stuffing the mid section of it with soap opera drama like; who's sleeping with who? Ooooo, look! Those guys don't like each other! Oh no! They're fighting for power and command!

Next episode; Oh no! We're running out of water! Same shit ensues.

Next; Oh no! We're running out of power! Aaaaaaaaand same shit ensues! Oh, but hey... Let's throw in some completely useless story of lesbians in there. Just to attract horny teenagers.



The best way I can explain this series is; it's Dawson's Creek... on a spaceship traveling through hyper-space about 70 billion light-years away from us: Featuring a Stargate!. Light-years are a measurement of distance, not time... Remember that.



Oh, and the worst part is; there are alot of references to nerdy things. One episode, they try making it have a first-person shooter feel to it. One of the guys is this socially awkward gamer who rattles off his top 10 movies during an attack of silly little bugs on a planet.

It's trying to attract the hard-core nerds; and as one... It fails fucking horribly.

What they're trying to do is as transparent as the drool that's running down the faces of the moronic fucktards who write this crap.



To cap this off; I hope the series gets canceled and I never ever see it again.

And then, I hope my brain treats it like a traumatic event and completely blocks it out, forcing me to drink and abuse drugs later in life.



P.S: JAFFA KREE!



P.S.S: Teal'c is quite possibly the coolest character in the entire SG life-time.



P.S.S.S: Asgard transportation is more practical, but no where NEAR as cool as the Goa'uld's ring teleporters.



P.S.S.S.S: The color of this phone is red! Do you know what that means, son?!

COMMENTS

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Prophecy
17:33 Dec 14 2009

Cheating on me again. D: Damn you Jason! After all those special moments.. :(

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Amaritudo
18:27 Dec 26 2009

Do you have any idea how hard this entry made me chuckle? This brings you to an indeed higher level of social retardation. And gives you 8 more points bringing the total to 102, bringing you to first place. A considerable accomplishment considering you're way the fuck over there.

But just so you know, p.s. stands for post script. So one should always put p.p.s for post post script, p.s.s. makes no sense at all. I so totally feel smarter than you at this moment :D Giddyness.

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So, against my better judgement, I watched 2012.

My rule of thumb when it comes to cinema is; Doomsday movies are always bad and usually so is anything that is overly liked by the masses. Subtle crack at a movie there? Yeah. I'm sure you know which ones.



Anyway!

It was pretty much a 3hr long cluster-fuck of CGI with the always present religious undertones.

Oh! And the prominent laugh fest I had with this one, was the President.

They went all out on making him look all "noble" and "selfless". Staying behind while everyone else went to safety, blah blah blah.

I was slapping my forehead so much through all that, I feel a little stupider because of it.



And you know when a movie is shit, when you fall asleep in it. I think the last movie that happened in, was The Day after Tomorrow.

I could only handle so much "The world... is dying..."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?!" "I mean... the world is dying..." "ARE YOU SAYING WHAT I THINK YOU'RE SAYING?!" "Yes... the world is dying..." "OH MY GOD...."



But, there was another movie I watched recently which I wanted to add here.

It's called Moon. And it's by far one of the best movies I've seen in a long fucking time.



I strongly suggest anyone who reads this to watch it.

Alot of people (stupid people, might I add) were bitching and moaning about it saying the plot twist was crap. But it was never based on a big hitting plot twist.

It was an old school sci-fi. The kind that was meant to leave you feeling insignificant and completely alone and empty. Compounded by the genius work of Clint Mansell, who is quite possibly one of the greatest composers of our time, just made for a fucking epic movie.



You can pretty much sum it up by saying it was very Stanly Kubrick'esque. And anyone who knows anything about movies will know who fucking Stan Kubrick is.



Anywho, that's all I got to say.



Toodle-pips.

COMMENTS

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atyourwindow
00:12 Dec 06 2009

see nemmy what makes movies great isnt the actual content its the marketing.....they showed you a few clips of the best sceens to get you into the theater and it worked lol.....after they have your money they could care less if you like it or not, they will do the same thing to suckers when it goes to dvd and make a killing twice ...god bless the movie industry been they have us human hamsters on the wheel and its kind of funneh lol

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Nemmy
00:15 Dec 06 2009

Oh, but I never paid to see it!

This is why I'm such an avid supporter of piracy. ;p

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atyourwindow
00:32 Dec 06 2009

oh you paid alright....3 hours of your life you will never get back lol

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