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Don't know where else to write. Too many people I know personally would see it on Facebook, especially since it isn't directed at any of them.



Me. Procrastinator to the max. Lazy as hell, thought I don't know if it's because there's a lack of anything to do in LaCrosse or it's just me. I've gone out and done stuff all spontaneous, like playing football with co-workers. Thing is, I can't stand the company of people. I'm anti-social to the extreme. I've only ever had a few true friends in my life, the rest I suppose just really weren't my friends. I thought they were, then they blew off plans to meet up.



Is it really my fault that I don't have any friends? I've tried making them, but they end up making me uncomfortable with their constant shit talking about other people or they're an even bigger spaz than I am. I haven't had a friend I could hang out with for years. And if you're reading this, you're the first person whose company I enjoyed for more than a few hours in about 7 years. You were here 2 weeks and I loved every bit of it.



I don't like going out. I don't like bars. I don't like drunk people. I don't like talking a whole lot of shit about anyone, especially behind their back. I don't like parties with more than a handful of people and I don't like being around more than a few strangers. I'm shy, a shut-in. I'd rather talk to people through a screen, maybe because it's less personal and I don't see many of their flaws. I don't like hurting others feelings. I've experienced a lot of it and feel terrible when I make someone else feel the same way. I manage to do it to the one I love way too often. I'm slow to change. I require a lot of support. I have a lot of trouble doing things on my own. I know it frustrates the hell out of you and you have good reason to be mad at me.



I just don't know what I'd rather have now. A life of solitude sounds nice, but boring. At least I wouldn't disappoint anyone I care about anymore. What's a guy like me to do? Change, you say. Do something! Well, that's what I tell myself all the time. Yet, here I am. Still living in my mothers basement. I've had plenty of chance and time to save up money, but I haven't. I spend it on useless shit instead of what I really want. I have a world of patience for so many things, but not for myself. I quit early, get frustrated or bored.



These aren't even half of my thoughts. Not even close. I don't like to think because this is what it produces. I'd rather live a life fooling myself that this is as good as it's going get than to fail at trying. This is what I am. I'm a stubborn piece of shit. Just try to change me. I'll give you the world if you can.