The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Last night was weird in many ways, I had to go to the funeral home for visitation for an old workmate. He had finally lost a 6 year battle with cancer and the end was a relief for him and his family when it came. Out of your mind with pain is not a good way to die, I watched my father die that way and must admit euthanisa is not something I can easily dismiss in some situtations.

After visiting with the family I headed to the far back of the funeral home where others like me whom had worked with him gathered. There we stood and sat about, current and ex police officers, sheriffs and dispatchers, huddled up in a corner telling old tales of good times had and working to keep our laughter muffled. Of course before long the stories became of the kind we had to lower our voices and close ranks to prevent outsiders from hearing. I have missed these men so badly. Yes I say men because there are still very few women in the circle where I live. My best friend from those days is now a federal forest fire dispatcher who files all over the US for big fires. He's just came back from Phoenix AZ. He tried again to get me to join him and it is so very hard to keep saying no. To spend 3/4 of the year on the road, in different states every month if I wanted and the excitement of it all. But I have responsibilites here and they have to come first. Plus I'd miss my family and my friends so badly. Sometimes choices are hard to live with, that's where I'm at now.

Still it was good to dish the dirt with the guys, nice to know we can still laugh about some of the best and worst times of our lives. The sudden loss of friends and the antics some of us got into, like Doug who hated automatics and refused to take anything to the firing range but his old 38 revolver. Finally one day they insisted he try an automatic and he did and liked it but when he'd fired all he bullets and needed to reload he had no ideal how the hell to even eject the clip. It was hilarious!

Oh well, it was such a good and bad night all together.

I know I should just let it go but I can't. I keep reading profiles and why do I keep running into those who keep directing me to "myspace" or "vampire freaks" or other sites to read their profiles. I'm not on those sites for the reason that I prefer this one. I have looked at them and find them juvenile and too silly for me. There is some of that here but not nearly as much. So if you're going to sign up on vr for crying out loud say something about yourself here, don't send me somewhere else. I'm not going and will rate down because of it. I find the longer I'm here and the more work I put into my own profile the harder I am while rating. I don't have to have all the flashy stuff, if a profile is very well written, informative or even funny and I'll rate good.

I've made the phone call and the coast is clear. Drive just a few miles and there's no cops on duty for the whole 30 mile stretch of 4lane highway. Traffic is pretty light and the weather is clear, all I have to do is fill up with gas and slip away. I so badly want to crank up the stereo until I can feel my breastbone thump and then open it up. Less than 1 minute and I can be over 100mph then on to as fast as I want to go. I know I should have outgrown this need for speed but I haven't. I would really like to make it to 150 just once but I've never had a car that could do it, 135 was the best I made. Wonder if that's why I blew that motor shortly afterwards? It was worth it anyway. I'm addicted to the danger I think but that's so stupid. How damn many times do I have to survive nearly dying to stop acting this way? I just cannot understand myself at times. Oh hell, where's my car keys I'm headed for the Rock.

I could just scream right now. Out tonight I met up with several of my aunts and uncles but the men stay very quiet (trying to avoid detection I suspect). My aunts are good people but very old fashioned. So after a bit of the usual how are you and isn't the weather awful they brought out the big guns. The questions start innocently enough but they get me every time. "C" what are you doing these days?" Like they don't know they talk to my mom on the phone every stinking day. Then the dreaded "Are you seeing anyone now?" Hell no as you well know. "Don't you want to settle down and get married and have some kids?" Okay for the ten thousandth time, HELL NO. If I had wanted to do that I wouldn't have dumped old what's his name. You know the one you all thought was wrong because he was like a 5th or 6th cousin and younger than me. I've got nearly 100 first cousins, how the hell would I know 5th or 6th. "But you don't want to end up alone when your old, do you?" OK I'm 45 freaking years old already, I ain't no kid, don't want no kids and am so not in the mood for this conversation. I'm sitting on my hands now to keep from clenching my fists or strangling the worst offenders. Okay I love you guys but really this has to stop. The problem is out of about 3 dozen (sorry no exaggeration) grandkids in my Mother's family there are only 8 girls. Of the 8, only 2 of us escaped the clutches of marriage. My cousin is pinning away for a married man and as she's extremely christian she'll stay that way until she dies. Me, I just don't want to, it's that simple. I don't want the responsibility of trying to make someone else happy or keep them safe or any of that other shit. Yep I'm Selfish, and I like me that way. Why the hell was I born and raised in the South where this shit still goes on?

I finally escaped after about 45 minutes of this torture, my aunts got the CIA beat all to hell. Turn them loose on the terrorists and we could all get some sleep. They'd be giving up every secret they ever knew to escape them.

The worst part of it is with the holidays coming on, a lot more of them are going to be coming into town to visit. How lovely is that going to be? Wonder if looney bins have a temporary storage room for rent real cheap?

Sorry Elemental I know you don't like me calling them that but I can't spell the Sanitarium word.

Don't you wish sometimes you just couldn't speak at all. See and Hear and Touch and Smell but to loose your voice could be sheer joy. I get so tired sometimes of answering questions or even just conversation. Sometimes I just want to be left alone to stay silent. Selfish, well yes I know it is but Oh how I sometimes long to be able to say nothing at all.

Got a message out of the blue the other day, guy says if you look like your picture, you're hot.

Okay funny part is he'd been to my profile to see the picture and right in the first few lines I say the picture which is pretty obviously not real is not only not me that if you want to see me you gotta go to the bottom of my profile where I put my real photo. He obviously not only didn't read the first of it he didn't scroll down and rate it either. So I sent him a message saying, "Sorry not only am I not the woman in the picture, I'm the fat, old, laughing woman at the bottom" Funny never heard anything else from him. Gotta love folks.

Ever have one of those Where the hell was that when I needed it moments? I just did, a person posted in the vampbox asking if anyone was intereted in a Investing with Mutual Funds for Dummies book. All I could think of was where was that fifteen years ago when I got took to the cleaners for 5 grand while learning to invest. I guess that just another one of those things we used to have to learn with "on the job training". Stupid book.

I will never tell them this but to all those who are either on vr or new to the site, please learn to spell or to operate the spell check function on your computer. The occasional mispelled word is fine but when the reading of a profile is nearly impossible due to so many other possibilities in the creative spelling that is being used, it is plain annoying. This is not aimed at those to whom English is a second language or a physical reason for misspelling but those simply too lazy to do better. But if you find yourself unable to use spell check there is an amazing invention from the pre-computer age. Gasp, yes there was a time like that. The item is a Dictionary, it consists of pages of words in a large book listed alphabetically and it not only gives the correct spelling but the defination of the word too, so that you can make sure to use it properly.

The second thing I would love them to understand is how foolish they appear when they begin their profiles with f**k you and other such lovely words of introduction. Then many of them go on to threaten me if I do this or the other. Okay get it straight, I am not afraid of you, your friends or any thing you think you can do to me. This is VR and while we know it as Vampire Rave you might need to think of it as virtual-reality. In other words, mostly make-believe. Is this how you introduce yourself to strangers at the bar or workplace? If so I bet you're a lonely person.



Damn how did I get into this, I started this out to talk about the new Pink song "Mr President" I just heard it and nearly fell over while shouting way to go, girl. It speaks so true of our "appointed president" of the US. I wonder how long before they find a way to silence it since election day is so close.

I can tell this is going to be a doozy. Very little sleep, a horrible headache and I have to drive my neice to school since my sister has a very early meeting. Now this may not sound bad but in our little town there is NO parking to drop off my neice so I get to stop in the middle of traffic and hope to hell I don't get hit in the rear while letting her out. The real bitch is they just rebuilt the school last year and though many told them to fix the drop off problem they didn't. Their response is to put your kids on the school buses. Problem with that is some of the drivers are stupid, evil, ignorant assholes who let high schoolers push around and beat up on young kids. They have a No Tell policy on the bus. I'll tell you this they can Kiss My Buss Ridding Ass.



Now to the real purpose of this journal entry.

Vampirewitch39, you cannot have my duckie pj's. They are mine, I tell you, mine.

Well here it is again, close to 1 in the morning and I have to be up at 6. But instead of sleeping, I'm wide awake. Too many things on my mind to rest and not a darn one of them important. Now why is that keeping me awake. Things are going good right now, I should be curled up like a baby under my blankie. But no, I can't sleep. Hmm, wonder what I can read tonight? I know I'll reread a J.D.Robb, good bloody murder mystery with just enough violence to make it lifelike. Oh well, maybe I can sleep tomorrow night.

You know whenever someone says to you "Lets sit down and talk about this like adults"

A. It's going to suck.

B. It's going to suck for you.

C. It's not going to be a problem for the other person.

I have made a decision if and when anyone ever says that to me again, I'm going to start screaming "FIRE" at the top of my lungs and run outside. It may not change the problem but at least I'll have had a bit of fun at their expense. Mean isn't it.

I have been reading new profiles and some of the new members are so very young to me. The things they speak of as being so important, age has taught me to be of little matter.

Sometimes the questions posed in the forum are silly but they do make you think. There was one recently about regrets and it seemed the most didn't have them. I don't know if they are truly regrets but I'd be speaking false if I said there were things I would change if I could. But life doesn't work that way and the best I can do is to accept the responsibility for my decisions and move on.

My friends here, probably think I'm more than a little crazy (you know you do) I've become a bit addicted to hangman. What I have trouble explaining is that I left a career that required mental gymnastics all the time, both new learning and remembering things. It kept my mind always moving then I retire and get to stay at home babysitting a newborn nephew and caring for my elderly mother. I love them both dearly and do not regret, there's that word again, a single moment I spend for them. But when the intellictual highlight of their day is soap operas and the wiggles, my mind started to die.

I am still physically tied down now but with hangman I can quitely resume some mental exercise that doesn't interfer with whatever they need me to do.

The real culprit I think is my own sense of competitivness. I challenge myself with goals to attain. They really don't get it, since their lives are still so full of everyday adventures. They love me anyway and I thank them both for that and promise to accept an intervention if I get too bad. lol

It finally warmed up and then it rains all day long. It was okay at first but it's becomming sort of depressing now. Too many things I need to do and just don't feel like doing anything at all. Wish I could do that.

Okay tonight was strange. I'm sitting quietly in my little corner, bothering no one, playing hangman and kicking his butt if I do say so myself, 600 wins in 1 day. Then out of the blue I get a message from a guy who just signed onto the site asking what my name here means. It's no secret and nothing private so I message him back and tell him. Then he asks why don't I want to succeed? This one puzzles the heck out of me. Then I remember on my profile I told how I dropped out of college because I didn't want to grow up. Maybe I should have clarified that a bit because I didn't start college until I was 35 years old. So I message him back and tell him that I'm an older woman who has already completed my career to my satisfaction, got to the highest level I could go so whoope. Then I get the strangest one of all, He says he knows I'm a policewoman and I can never catch him because he's a real vampire. Okay now I'm just getting weirded out. I probably should have just quit but I messaged him anyway and told him I was never a police officer only a police dispatcher and I would never even attempt to arrest a vampire since some of my best friends were vampires. Luckily he quit after that, but I still have no ideal where this guy came from or why he picked me to play around with. Damn he interruped my hangman game!

Here I go again, putting words down just because I felt like releasing something. I'm not sure if this journal thing is good for me or not. I find I like writing in it too much. One should avoid addictions and this is becoming one. At least it's cheap and won't ruin my lungs or liver.

This has been a good week so far, it's hump day and I've made a couple of new friends and have reworked my profile and it looks much better. Got rid of the quiz and sparkle tags and straightened out some of my thoughts from when I first wrote it. I have been in a good mood and then find my friends are having bad times. One's having trouble sleeping and the other with her back. I hate they are hurting right now. I hope things turn around for them really soon. I worked on my ritual tonight for Samhain and I like it so far. I'm looking forward to the new year in many ways.

OMG, I had no ideal boys began acting this way so young. My nephew is just turned 2 and today he brought his empty sippy cup to me, I'd already filled it twice this morning. He walks up and knocks it against my leg, then when I look at him he starts "GRUNTING" at me. Then motions toward the kitchen. I take the cup and go fill it while he takes my chair and starts laughing at ?? When I bring it back I give it to him and he heads back off to the tv, the wiggles for umpteen times today. BUT then when he finishes with it, he throws it at me and laughs again. Okay I've seen grown men act this way, especially when drunk but not on Milk! I'm talking to my sister tonight, this ain't happening.

I really like the changed to my profile and from the comments I'm getting so do others. It's nice to find out that the hours of work you put into something were worth it. Yes all the hair pulling, cussing, crying and yelling were worth it, since I don't do computer coding and hit up every friend I have with pleading and begging for help (some still to come) fair warning there. I want to thank Chordewa (gosh I hope I spelled it right) for all her help, it's amazing how nice some of the people here on VR are. Speaking of that, the very first sire to ever contact me here (and then screw me over) has had her coven removed. I feel sorry for those people who worked hard and supported the coven. I hope they find good homes in other more stable houses and covens. Good luck to all of them. Strange start to the day, anyway.

What can you say when you realize you have the greatest friends in the world. The kind who accept your weird behavior, strange taste in food, clothing and men and still work to get along with you. Because true friendship is too good to let fall apart because of being too lazy to take care of it. I truly have wonderful friends, they are without a doubt as strange as me. Thank you so much world for that. Now if I can just break one from liking my pj's a bit too much.

Back home from a great weekend. My friends and I went to the Ohio Ren festival on saturday then to the Newport Aquarium on Sunday. I had a blast both days. At the festival it was cool for the first time in years so we all dressed up in costume and joined the crowd. The day was one big laugh from the very first minute. Standing in line my friend was saying hello into her cellphone behind me when a couple of men from the next line turned and answered her and struck up a conversation.

I had never been to the aquarium before and loved it. The shark tank was awsome and I even got to pet some small sharks in tank. They felt so strange and were quite calm for all us idiots sticking our hands down in the water with them. The big sharks were mind-blowing, especially the "shark-ray" she was about 6 feet long and had the body of a shark with a head like a sting-ray. Not a combination of the two, it's own naturally occuring species. So coo. Lots of work to do to catch back up but it was so worth it.

I have been thinking about my latest entries on my journal and considered deleting them as they do some of what I've been complaining about, that is whining. Then I decided to just leave them as they are as a reminder to myself that everyone has the right to mouth off, somewhere. My journal just seems to be a better and less public place to me. So if I want to whine here at least I can enjoy crackers and cheese with it.

I find myself confused. There have been many posts of late from people in covens/houses that don't want to be and are all upset about it. If it was preventing them from joining a coven/house they wanted to be in I could understand it but most of them don't want to be in any society. Okay whoopee!

As I understand it if you don't participate they may blind you, if all that is is preventing you from accessing coven/house stuff, what the heck. Don't participate do the stuff you want to do and talk to the people you want to talk to. I don't understand the big deal, perhaps because I'm where I want to be and am happy. I haven't found any differences in the things I did before I joined than I do now except make more friends and play a game I enjoy.

If a person is in a society and wants to join another I would hope there would be a way to allow them to earn it but if they have no wish to join at all then hush children. Don't play with matches, run with knives and cry over things you cannot change.

Maybe it's because I spent most of my adult life learning to take and give orders but I accept that I cannot make every decision my way. When I joined vr and read that I could be inducted without my permission I had the choice to quit or accept it. Now I realize that things may change and I could find myself somewhere else tomorrow that really doesn't suit my personality but I would hope I'm adult enough to try and make the best of it. Otherwise I'll miss hangman and just keep on talking to my friends and doing the things I did before I joined a society. Okay a long rant but I'm so tired of whiners.

There's something I've been wondering about for a bit. For some time now folks here that have a bit of time under their belt on vr, often complain about the quality of the questions &/ discussions in the forum compared to how it used to be. While I cannot argue that some of it's contents seem not very intelligently put together, I haven't put forward anything there at all so I'm keeping my mouth shut about.

But ever once and awhile an interesting thread starts just to be shut down with the edit that it's already been done, check the past history. Okay if the history is a month or 2 past that's cool but some of these threads are found many moons past and are closed.

Now this may be a radical ideal but since there are new members joining every day and some of the more active folks right now often don't have that much time on vr, is there some reason that some of the more interesting "past" threads couldn't be revived to allow new members to have imput into them.

Not to denigrate the elders who already answered them but hey things change and new blood provides new insights. I wonder how some of the "old" threads would be treated by "todays" VR members. Just my odd question for the day, I guess.

I found myself in a dream last night and it was very strange. I was lost in the desert, wandering alone, thirsty and searching for any sign of intelligent life. I collapsed in the sand and then woke up to find I'd fallen asleep at the computer while playing in the sandbox.



This is for you, my friend.

Is it just me or does anyone else get these strange messages here on VR from unknown whelps, with no information on their profile and often bad spelling asking things like "will you be my friend" (I can't misspell that bad even on purpose) or another was asking for some type of help but I never could understand what. I confess to usually responding asking how can I be of service or aid? Can't seem to help myself, if I can assist someone I naturally want to do so. Blame my raising, I guess. The really odd thing is when I do I either get requests that I cannot understand or no response at all. A few times I have been able to steer newbies with questions to the member articles for the beginners guide found there and to the vr manual itself. If read they do work to answer most questions. No I'm not an ass kisser, I read it and still messed up some. But then a nice person saw my mistake and pointed it out to me in a private message and I got to straighten it out without incurring any wrath. I find I enjoy helping the new comers to find their way if only in the minimum way I can since I don't have advanced computer skills or knowledge of lots of sites to get things from to puff up a profile. I do have a good amount of common sense and usually that works. Well this went way off course from what I started ragging about but then what the heck I don't like dwelling on annoying things anyway.

I have decided I'm just weird. My family is into all this drama right now and I just can't seem to work myself up to it. I know I should be upset or something but I'm just not. I can't do anything to change or help the situtation and I'm just too tired to care, I think. I'm not sure I like this, it seems wrong somehow. My family is actually quite close and we mostly like each other so I know I should be more concerned but it's just not there. Kinda like that country song "my give a damn's busted" Oh please I know I need to sleep now if I'm quoting country music. I'll worry more tomorrow.

It's funny really I was talking to my friends earlier who are both on VR and the discussion came around to forum posts. Both of them said they stayed out of the general discussion either because they mostly got smacked down when they stated their opinions or else had nothing at all to add to whatever was being discussed. Sometimes we never can understand what the topic is anyway! We all play a bit in the sandbox because frankly sometimes we just don't want to have to think that hard and you can find out stuff or meet folks there. Then loudmouth here had to go and say that we shouldn't be afraid of the general discussion forum. Our opinions are as valid as anyone elses, though maybe not as intelligent or witty. Then I get home and make a post about a new vampire language, not a serious threat anyway, to my thinking. But I gave a serious and considered answer about it and got smacked back for it. Oh well! It was good for a laugh with my friends, coming after my comments earlier tonight. Good thing shit like this doesn't bother me or I'd be pissed as it is I'm just laughing as I totter off to bed.

Okay I admit I don't travel all that much but things have sure changed in Florida from 3 years ago. That's when I made my first trip there determined to see the ocean myself at least once. As I entered the state of Florida on I75 there was a big billboard saying "Welcome to the Sunshine State"

This year my sister and I took her 2 kids to Disneyworld and when we entered the state on I75 the billboard now says "Attention Visitors Florida residents have the right to shoot to kill to protect themselves". Now if that's not a nice welcome I don't know what is!

I thought about it for the next 2 hours of driving and couldn't help but wonder if it affected their tourist trade any. I mean it didn't really frighten me, first because I meant no harm to anyone and second because they'd better have real good aim, because the second shot is mine. But to those folks not raised with guns everywhere how does that sound. But it damn sure was a funny way to say welcome to the sunshine state.

Well I survived. I'm not sure my sanity is intact will have to test it later on to see. My sister just turns 40 and her 9year old daughter and 2year old son in Disneyworld for 8 days. Yes, I survived but I still don't know how. There was no need to get her drunk since she's taking the attitude any birthday that she's still alive is a good one. Okay I can handle that since it's my attitude too. But then we get to Disneyworld and they've got some kind of infestitation all over florida of "lovebugs" apparenty called this because whenever you seem them it's always in a pair and hooked up if you get my drift. Now this would just be funny but my neice is deathly afraid of flying insects. Unreasonably afraid as in they don't bite,sting or hurt you...still screaming. They are in season in FL twice a year for 4 weeks and wouldn't you know it one of those weeks was when we were there. The stinking things swarmed everywhere, but especially in the parks. No escape from them. God I was so ready to come home by Tuesday. Finally we just decided to give up any outside rides or shows and stick to the indoor stuff. Thank the Goddess they had brought Soaring from Disneyland in CA. We all loved it and rode the thing over and over. You really felt like you were hanging overhead in a glider or something. So cool. Mission Space was wicked too and thankfully inside. All in all it was a good trip, we had fun and the kids made some good memories and my sister has decided to place my neice in couseling for the phobia. Please let it help!!!! I am so happy to be home though. We were supposed to break the trip up into 2 days but I convinced my sister to leave early in the morning and let me drive all the way home. 14hours straight but I did it, She can't drive the interstates due to vision problems so it was just me doing the driving. I was good though I didn't speed much maybe 5-10 over the limit except in those damn construction areas on I75. 45mph and not a damn worker in sight so screw them I wanted to get home and did. Thank you Goddess for keeping the highway patrols busy elsewhere. Well I think I can finally get to sleep was too wired up on Diet Mt Dew to even try when I first got in. So goodnight all.