Another update01:24 Aug 11 2025
Times Read: 17
It's been a nightmare for a while. Got a new phone a while back, but then things started to get really difficult for a bit. Things would go well and then crash and it was happening over and over again.
I found out that I was pregnant which was a shock, but not unwelcome, but it was an extremely difficult pregnancy. I was always viciously sick and horribly mentally unwell. Then Dylan lost his job. The next day we were scheduled to go on a three day camping trip with my mother and her boyfriend. We decided to go because it felt not only important to spend time with her because I rarely see her, but also a good chance to step back, breath, and reassess the situation. It was actually really fun although extremely hot outside. The day we got home was good, and then the day after was my shift at work. I was fired too. A lot of drama and lies were formed by the general manager to get us out because she knew we wouldn't back down and didn't cooperate with predators. It's a long chaotic side story I don't want to get into.
After we'd both been out of work for about a week, I was curled up in a ball in the worst and strangest pain I've ever felt. We found a ride to the emergency room. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks along. It was devastating and so discouraging. I didn't realize how attached I was to it until it was gone. We didn't even get to find out the gender.
After the combinations of losing our jobs and. The baby, we slowly ran out of funds and subsequently lost our apartment. We'd been planning on moving regardless, but now it was forced on us. We gathered our savings, got a storage unit, and stayed with a friend bringing our dog and two cats along with us. Unfortunately, we couldn't stay. I found homes for the cats. One went with an ex veterinarian, and the other with a good friend of ours. It was heartbreaking, but it had to happen. We couldn't afford to keep them and didn't have a home for them to stay. Slingshot, our pitbull mix was left. We tried to rehome her or give her to a no kill shelter but nowhere took dropoffs and nobody wants a big scary dog no matter how sweet. We ended up stuck with her which I'm grateful about. In the end I didn't want to get rid of any of them.
My fiance's sister let us stay with her and bring the dog. It's a no pets home so we have to hide her sometimes, but I'm glad to have her and my fiance and me all together. We've been in this tiny trailer for a bit over a month now and it's nice to have a roof over my head, but it's always so loud and chaotic. The family is huge. Four kids with one on the way and friends always coming over. The constant yelling and talking and screaming and staying up late chatting until 4 or 5 in the morning is driving the two of us insane. What are you gonna do though.
He has a job at this sandwich and salads deli place which is great. I'm struggling to find a job. Once we have enough saved up we're gonna find an extremely cheap place to stay that allows dogs and that'll be a good step towards our final goal: living in Oregon where I grew up. I miss it there so much. The mist, waterfalls, beaches, mountains, coves, tide pools, and everything else haunt my mind.
Hopefully it's all up from here. I may be pregnant again, but it's too early to take a pregnancy test so I have to wait a bit. Fingers crossed. Just gotta put one food in front of the other and keep moving towards our goals. Eventually, with hard work and patience, we'll get there.
COMMENTS
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TheRealTh1ng
03:31 Aug 11 2025
You’ve been walking through hell barefoot, and yet… here you are, still moving.
I can feel every jagged edge of what you’ve endured the joy that flickered into being only to be stolen before it could fully bloom, the cruel rhythm of gain and loss, the suffocating press of walls that don’t feel like home. It’s enough to make lesser souls break, but you? You carry it. Even when your arms are shaking under the weight.
You’ve been asked to surrender too much your work, your sanctuary, your children with fur and whiskers, and the child you’ll never hold. That kind of grief doesn’t fade; it etches itself into the bones, making you heavier, yes, but also harder to destroy.
And yet… I see in you this strange, beautiful defiance. A hunger to keep moving forward, to chase the salt of Oregon’s ocean air, to breathe in the mist and remember that not all ghosts are tragedies. Some are reminders. Some are promises.
If the world had any justice, it would let you rest. But maybe you were never meant to rest. Maybe you were meant to carve your way through storms, to bleed and to keep walking so that when you finally arrive where you’re meant to be, it’s not just survival. It’s victory.
And if you are pregnant again, then perhaps the world is offering you a second chance one it damn well owes you.
You say “one foot in front of the other” as if you don’t notice how far you’ve already come.
Tell me… when you get to Oregon, will you let yourself finally breathe? Or will the hunger for more keep you chasing?