The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

jokes
04:07 Feb 19 2010
Times Read: 579

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?

A: Run like hell, she has a grenade in her mouth!







A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings.



It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her "you have the nicest breasts". She says "thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you".



He replies "I would pay you $10 just to see one of them". She thinks for a minute and decides to do it.



He says "Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw....I will give you another $10 if you show me both at the same time".



She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says "your best friend just stopped by". He answers "Great did he leave the $20 he owed me"

Thats Italian
06:49 Feb 18 2010
Times Read: 583

Maria just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous! Her mother reassured her, "Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man, go upstairs and he'll take care of you!"

So up the stairs she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother, "Mama, mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."



"Don't worry, Maria," said her mother. "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs and Tony will take care of you!"



So, up she went again! When she got there, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama,mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"



Her mother replied,"Don't worry Maria, all good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man, go upstairs and he will take good care of you."



So, up she went again. When she got there, Tony took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!"



"Stay here and stir the sauce dear," says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"

If
06:43 Feb 18 2010
Times Read: 585

Se tu mi ami, me lo faccia sapere. In caso contrario, si prega gentilmente mi lasci andare.



In English



If you love me, let me know.

If not, please gently let me go.

Cowgirls
07:14 Feb 16 2010
Times Read: 592

Why are cowgirls bowlegged?

- A Cowboy likes to eat with his hat on.

Psychiatric Hotline.
20:04 Feb 02 2010
Times Read: 614






Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.