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I wish I could exchange you for something else

Something stronger

Make me hallucinate again

Intoxicate my brain

I'll lose my mind just one more time



Your like my internal toy

Satan's little doll

Chain you up

Paint you black and white

We'll pretend that I'm pretty

And they'll pretend that you're not



Ask me for it one more time

I'll leave you mute

Cut out your eyes

With the bones from your own fingers

Sitting in front of me uneaten

breakfast that was once appealing

now it's cold, stale and forgotten



I'll count the seconds as the clock ticks

nervous emotion in my head

my brain is in an uproar

chaos

confusion

surreal

I'm numb



I'll check the clock again

watch the time tick by

It's just a cruel joke

I'll think to myself

reassuring myself it's not real

Just a hard lesson

I won't forget again

altered



retrace the conversations in my head

over and over

every little detail

all significant

all ignored

all forgotten

I'd love to scream "I told you so"

But ill stay quiet

let the silent sobs come

tears falling down my cheeks

an instinct to survive forgotten

I'm so lost in a crowded room

And I don't know how to tell you