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Today is bittersweet. I both greatly mourn and celebrate the life and birthday of my grandfather. Other than my mother and her wifey, he was always my ride or die.

The older I get, the more I see his soul reflected in my eyes..

Because of his determination and stoicism, working side by side with my mother as well as a few others, I was able to be brought home safely.
Had he not been able to help, that could've taken much longer, or not even happened at all.. he always had something smart(arsed) or wise to say, and seemed to have all the answers- there's no doubt in my mind that the world had been unkind to him too, but even on the front lines he never stepped back just because things were heavy.
In fact, he went back for seconds.

When I was in a time of tremendous loss and pain in my own circle he was one of few, if not -the- one that acknowledged my grief and anger for what it was without question.. he helped give me peace once again.

It is because of him that I do my best to live without regret and to learn every lesson life has to give, no matter how painful or silly it might be.

Dad, I hope you have a peaceful journey home during this time and know that we all love and miss you.
Your life here was an unforgettable one.

See you on the other side
-Rooney

*sigh*

The end of the year tends to always be full of painful reminders and anniversaries of sorts.
In the coming weeks I'll have more assessments and labs drawn, more imaging (MRI/CT/FNA/tap to evaluate fluid etc.)
I guess it's time to see how far things have spread, or if they've decided to leave me alone long enough to catch my breath.

I'll be 32 while having my head scanned again. I get to spend my selfish time feeling like some weird medical prisoner, and most likely in full body agony. We'll see how it goes

In the meantime, I think I'll watch some more obscure films and shiver with my cats nearby. They seem to show me affection even when I can hardly move.. I think I'd like to come back as a cat. Maybe someone would do the same for me then and unknowingly help dial down the ache.

Maybe in another life, when we are both cats