Wait wait wait, WHAT??
10:04 Aug 28 2011
Times Read: 555
Bare with me here people....
Just so it is known.... I AM A CHRISTIAN. Not one of the hypocritical ones, one of the "I know my faith and I know my God but you do what ever you wish" ones.
I am posting this because it amuses and perplexes me.
I honestly don't mean to offend anyone, so get a sense of humor. I read this purely to gain knowledge, and I am posting this purely for comic relief.
The Nine Satanic Statements
from The Satanic Bible, ©1969
by Anton Szandor LaVey
1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!
Ok, you do that.
2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!
Hmmm "vital existence" isn't exactly an all-inclusive phrase....
3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
Very understandable and admirable. Except.... Do you really think it is undefiled??????????? Close to nothing is undefiled.
4. Satan represents kindness to those who deserve it instead of love wasted on ingrates!
*Mock shock* What an ingrate! *grin*
5. Satan represents vengeance instead of turning the other cheek!
An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
6. Satan represents responsibility to the responsible instead of concern for psychic vampires!
Uhm....
7. Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those that walk on all-fours, who, because of his “divine spiritual and intellectual development,” has become the most vicious animal of all!
Again: Uhm....
8. Satan represents all of the so-called sins, as they all lead to physical, mental, or emotional gratification!
LMAO! Uh no comment; that one stimulates so many comments: too many to write.
9. Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as He has kept it in business all these years!
Aren't we a little (undeservedly) boastful!
God (pun intended), people are getting more off-track every day..
Wait, there's more!
The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth
by Anton Szandor LaVey ©1967
1. Do not give opinions or advice unless you are asked.
Thank! Because I really, really don't think I want your opinion....
2. Do not tell your troubles to others unless you are sure they want to hear them.
Good, I don't want to hear them. LMAO I'm sorry, that was mean. (No I'm not.)
3. When in another's lair, show him respect or else do not go there.
(Deletes rude comment) Wait, that is actually a rule I follow..
4. If a guest in your lair annoys you, treat him cruelly and without mercy.
Or, ya know, kick him out of your house.... That seems a little easier....
5. Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.***************************
*Screeches to a halt*
MATING SIGNAL?????? What the bloody hell would that be????????? ROTFL!! No really, LMAO! I just.... I just see life anew now.... Mating signal....
6. Do not take that which does not belong to you unless it is a burden to the other person and he cries out to be relieved.
I beg your pardon...???
7. Acknowledge the power of magic if you have employed it successfully to obtain your desires. If you deny the power of magic after having called upon it with success, you will lose all you have obtained.
I.... I.... What?? I just.... What??
8. Do not complain about anything to which you need not subject yourself.
(Read: Do not complain about shit that is your fault.) You guys have to make that a rule??
9. Do not harm little children.
You guys have to make that a rule??
10. Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food.
Note: non-human. So by all means kill all the humans you want....
11. When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him.
With your lasers. You must do the destroying with your lasers.
Anyways.... Now that we know what to stand for and what to do, let's find out what not to do!
The Nine Satanic Sins
by Anton Szandor LaVey ©1987
1. Stupidity—The top of the list for Satanic Sins. The Cardinal Sin of Satanism. It's too bad that stupidity isn't painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. Satanists must learn to see through the tricks and cannot afford to be stupid.
Finally, something I can agree with.
2. Pretentiousness—Empty posturing can be most irritating and isn't applying the cardinal rules of Lesser Magic. On equal footing with stupidity for what keeps the money in circulation these days. Everyone's made to feel like a big shot, whether they can come up with the goods or not.
That's really at the top of your worries?? *mumbles something about someone having daddy issues*
3. Solipsism—Can be very dangerous for Satanists. Projecting your reactions, responses and sensibilities onto someone who is probably far less attuned than you are. It is the mistake of expecting people to give you the same consideration, courtesy and respect that you naturally give them. They won't. Instead, Satanists must strive to apply the dictum of "Do unto others as they do unto you." It's work for most of us and requires constant vigilance lest you slip into a comfortable illusion of everyone being like you. As has been said, certain utopias would be ideal in a nation of philosophers, but unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, from a Machiavellian standpoint) we are far from that point.
Understandable, but still.... I see many flaws in this paragraph. "Do unto other as they do unto you"....I'll say again, an eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind.... Come on!! Bring back the stupidly funny stuff!
4. Self-deceit—It's in the "Nine Satanic Statements" but deserves to be repeated here. Another cardinal sin. We must not pay homage to any of the sacred cows presented to us, including the roles we are expected to play ourselves. The only time self-deceit should be entered into is when it's fun, and with awareness. But then, it's not self-deceit!
Only the weak-minded could fall prey to that.
5. Herd Conformity—That's obvious from a Satanic stance. It's all right to conform to a person's wishes, if it ultimately benefits you. But only fools follow along with the herd, letting an impersonal entity dictate to you. The key is to choose a master wisely instead of being enslaved by the whims of the many.
Lolz.... This is a religion, correct? All religions offer some degree of conformity.... Oh, the irony!
6. Lack of Perspective—Again, this one can lead to a lot of pain for a Satanist. You must never lose sight of who and what you are, and what a threat you can be, by your very existence. We are making history right now, every day. Always keep the wider historical and social picture in mind. That is an important key to both Lesser and Greater Magic. See the patterns and fit things together as you want the pieces to fall into place. Do not be swayed by herd constraints—know that you are working on another level entirely from the rest of the world.
Yeah, you're special!
7. Forgetfulness of Past Orthodoxies—Be aware that this is one of the keys to brainwashing people into accepting something new and different, when in reality it's something that was once widely accepted but is now presented in a new package. We are expected to rave about the genius of the creator and forget the original. This makes for a disposable society.
That's just stupid. There is bound to be something you don't know the origin of. Now, now, don't be (#2) pretentious!
8. Counterproductive Pride—That first word is important. Pride is great up to the point you begin to throw out the baby with the bathwater. The rule of Satanism is: if it works for you, great. When it stops working for you, when you've painted yourself into a corner and the only way out is to say, I'm sorry, I made a mistake, I wish we could compromise somehow, then do it.
Ha, I like how the first sentence makes sure you differentiate this "sin" from a deadly sin of another certain religion....
9. Lack of Aesthetics—This is the physical application of the Balance Factor. Aesthetics is important in Lesser Magic and should be cultivated. It is obvious that no one can collect any money off classical standards of beauty and form most of the time so they are discouraged in a consumer society, but an eye for beauty, for balance, is an essential Satanic tool and must be applied for greatest magical effectiveness. It's not what's supposed to be pleasing—it's what is. Aesthetics is a personal thing, reflective of one's own nature, but there are universally pleasing and harmonious configurations that should not be denied.
What? Ok, I mean if that works for you......
I can honestly say I learned something new........
I still want to know what is the mating signal.... Like seriously, are you like a whale or something??
COMMENTS
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BlackMetal888
15:08 Aug 28 2011
Sounds like your exactly like one of those kind of christians you say your not. Sorry. If you choose to mold your life after a jewish myth thats your business, but don't be so dishonest with yourself, and others.
PresumptuouslyPretty
02:25 Sep 01 2011
I merely claimed that I am not a hypocritical Christian, which I definitely am not. If you thought I was talking about something else, then you were wrong.
I do not appreciate being called a lair without just cause.
I hate liars. I am not a liar. So up yours. =]
I think you are just in a rush to crucify a Christian. Sorry, not this one.
Wait, wait! *looks around* Was that the mating signal??.... *runs away*