The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

A Newfie walked into a lawyer's office wanting to file for a divorce.



The lawyer asked "May I help you?"



The Newfie said, "Yea, I want one of those dayvorces."



The Lawyer said, "Well, do you have any grounds?"



The Newfie replied, "Yes, I got about 140 acres."



The Lawyer said, "No, you don't understand. Do you have a case?"



The Newfie said, "No, I don't have a case, but I got a John Derre."



The Lawyer said, "You don't understand. I mean do you have a grudge?"



The Newfie said, "Sure I got a grudge. That's where I parks me John Deere."



The Lawyer said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?"



The Newfie said, "Oh yes sir, I got me a suit alright, wears it to church



on Sundays."



The exasperated lawyer said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or



anything?"



The Newfie said, "No, we both get up at 4:20 in the morning."



The Lawyer then said, "Well, is she a nagger or anything?"



The Newfie said, "No, she's a white gal, but our last child was a nagger



and that's why I want a dayvorce!"

1st woman: Hi! My name is Wanda...

2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die..?

1st woman: I froze to death... 2nd woman: How horrible..!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you..?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV...

1st woman: So, what happened..?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died...

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer......... We'd both still be alive..!