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Around 6am this morning, I was awakened by the smell of acrid smoke and pounding on our front door. Apparently the downstairs neighbors were smoking in bed, and caught their matress on fire. Being the idiots they are, they didn't have the mental capacities to put it out. It's a matress, pour water on it!!! It's a fire, call 911!!! I understand it can be hard to make decisions under duress, but we're talking common sense here. Furthermore, when the firemen did arrive, they just stood there, and someone else (our upstairs neighbor) had to tell the firemen where the fire was. IDIOTS!!!! And another thing, if you have a large dog, it should be on a proper leash, not a length of fabric. The dog broke loose and tried to chase the upstairs neighbors cat. I think I scared the dog I got so mad at it, because I was so mad about the whole situation. To quote the neighbor across the street that came over, my boyfriend and I are the only sane, normal people in this building (and apparently other people in the neighborhood think the same way).

Anyway, when you've just awakened, and must make a time-sensitive decision about what to bring, it's amazing what you end up with. I considered bringing my art portfolio, and then decided because the fire was in the farther end of the house, and the fire dept (which WE had to call, because the neighbors are retards) would come soon enough to put it out before it reached my room. So I turned my mental attentions to the area of the house where there was the most damage potential. I considered bringing the computer, but it would have been too time consuming, and I didn't want the whole neighborhood to know we have a brand new computer. Discarding that idea, I was going to bring my favorite shoes, but realized that I would look incredibly stupid standing outside with a pair of shoes while the building is burning, lol. Through all this deliberation, I somehow managed to grab my purse, my cellphone, and put on jacket and shoes (I was pretty much the only one who managed to exit fully and reasonably dressed, lol)

When the firemen arrived, and the danger to our property was over, my attentions turned to how this event was going to affect my vacation plans. I had today and tomorrow tightly scheduled, and this event threw my whole schedule off. While our suite only suffered minor damage, we couldn't return to our place for several hours after the fire because of the fumes. It still stinks. I didn't get back to bed until 1pm. Everything in our house is permeated with the stench, which means everything must be washed, scrubbed or steamcleaned over the next 2 weeks of my vacation. What can't be washed (my toothbrush, my couch, the carpet) must be replaced... Great way to spend my vacation. Incidentally, because I piled my laundry up in front of the door to my room, the smoke didn't get into my room, so I don't need to wash ALL of my clothes (That would take something like a month!!) I can at least be greatful for that.

I'm sure this fire is going to completely screw over my vacation, my much needed and much anticipated time off. Is it really so much to ask for that the Fates could give me a break every now and again. Sure, I'm alive, but, the adversity never ends!

Sometimes I feel so isolated. Even on here, the place I would have hoped to have the most luck in finding people to relate to, I'm out of place. I'm an amorphous blob. I don't even know how to express it, all I can say is I feel disappointed and hopeless.



And I have U2 - One stuck in my head... In particular:

One life, but we're not the same

We've got to carry each other...

And I can't be holding on

To what you got

When all you've got is hurt...



I think part of the reason why I feel so out of place is even now, even here, I always have the ever present fear of being attacked. I spent my home life growing up in an unsupportive and abusive environment. I can't trust, and I don't expect anyone to care for me. I only have one person I feel like I could confide in, and even at that, I fear I've alienated them. It's a shame when your and other peoples fear controls your life.

It would be nice if I could be confident that people here had others best interests in mind, or at least knew how to keep their insecurity from poisoning the work and efforts of others.

Thats too much to ask.

Humanity is a cesspool, and I'm not saying I'm not in it. I just don't revel in casting my filth around.

Something today reminded me of my ex. I am still angry at him, 2 1/2 years later. Why? Because he left the bar without me, claiming he was going home because he was tired. He never spoke to me again. I thought that was disrespectful and cowardly.

If you're in a serious relationship and you want to stop seeing someone, tell them. Don't leave it hanging, don't run away from your responsibility to that person. If you're not going to give them the courtesy of making even a half-assed attempt at working things out, telling them you don't want to see them is the least you can do.

Furthermore, I know this is a lot to ask these days, but if you take a woman out, you should take her home, or at least make sure she will get home safely. Girlfriend or not, it's just the gentlemanly thing to do. Chivarly is what seperates the men from the boys.