The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Life's difficult at the moment
11:05 Feb 24 2011
Times Read: 534

Not going to go into too many details on here. Just feeling physically and emotionally exhausted.



Culminated in having to put one of our dogs down today, so all in all - today sucked



Dear Universe, today sucked, do better tomorrow, no love, me

The things I am learning
12:00 Feb 18 2011
Times Read: 556

I had my first taste of revenge rating today. Seriously, what a load of pretentious crap.



I rated someone a 9. Seriously it was a 9, not a 6, not a 4 - a freaking 9. So they questioned me about it. I explained it. The profile was visually good, but it was impersonal, very one dimensional in expressing who the person was. I like to see a little about the people I am rating. Call me old fashioned. So basically it just lacked that something personal that 'I' was looking for.



So the response to this 9? Well he then went on to his 2 other profiles, rated me lower than I had rated him, and changed his original 10 from the first profile, rating that down as well.



How truly childish, churlish and pathetic.



So here's my opinion on revenge rating.



A. Get over yourself. You're not going to impress everyone and if it's that important you need to get a fucking life.

B. Your score doesn't matter to me anyway. Earning lables on here is NOT that important to me. If you bothered to read my profile, you would know that.



So do me a favour, don't score me at all. In fact just walk out the door, away from my profile and don't let it hit you on your mangy arse on your way out. I can do without petty, childish drama.

Job interview time
06:05 Feb 17 2011
Times Read: 563

Next Tuesday I have a job interview, it's been such a long time since I went to anything formal. Usually it's just a casual chat because it's been through a referral or someone who already knew mw.....



Biting my fingernails would not look good would it??

Musings
23:30 Feb 16 2011
Times Read: 574

I sat at 19.94 for so bloody long, I thought I would never get to 20.00 lol.



But it did give me a chance to mull things over a bit, and now that I am over that particular line I thought about a few other things.



Now, like any newbie, I have been inducted into a Coven, in this case, one I knew nothing about. Now they seem like an efficient, well organised and friendly group, but it got me to thinking. How come me? Why was I inducted?



I'm under no illusions, I am no more special than anyone else on here. In the welcome material that I read, it says that I have been chosen because there was something about me that made someone think I would be right for this coven. I am assuming that this would be a fairly standard greeting designed to make new members feel welcome. Definately not a critisism of this or any other coven.



So I have been inducted and someone has seen something special in me to make them feel I would fit in. Ok, Well then why didn't someone communicate with me before I was inducted? I had a look at the list of members, and I think maybe one of them had rated me some time ago. Other than that, I don't know anyone else. Now, this is a good opportunity to get to know people, I don't doubt that, so I am not defensive or rebellious etc. I am just trying to explain how this process made me feel.



Surely, if someone has seen my profile, they would have approached me and told me about their coven, especially after I reached level 18. If I stood out, wouldn't it make sense to approach me and see if the person behind the words really was likely to fit into the coven? But no one did, which leads me to believe it was more a case of seeing a person with a level 20 status who had still not been inducted. If true, that's all fine. But don't tell someone they are special, when this is clearly not the case.



This system obviously works, so I am not suggesting it's broken. We all know that we may be inducted without permission, and from what I have read, there are far worse covens. I am not ungrateful (I guess that's the word), and I'm in no hurry to leave, and more than willing to get to know people because that's my personality anyway. But an impersonal note upon induction and a standard form induction process without any contact from anyone in the coven don't make me feel any more welcome or special than all the other people on here. So I am going to go with my gut, I am just another member, nothing special and not bringing anything special to a group.



Now this system has been set up and it obviously works for everyone, or more to the point, we all have an understanding that this is what will happen, and it's our choice whether we want to contu=inue. So I'm not having a 'poor me' moment, or feeling victimised. But I didn't feel the need to affiliate myself with a group. I know there is probably 'power' in numbers but I was enjoying just getting to know people as 'me'. I'd started chatting to a few people, all very nice, helpful people. Occasionally there would be an offer of mentorship or covens, but mostly it was just everyday stuff. Which is great.



One thing I did like reading as a went through the coven's rules etc, was the equality that is promoted. I have said it before, I don't do heirachy, especially on a website where the titles are earned by how impressive a profile is, and how many friends you have. In life an Elder has spent years and years dedicating themselves not only to learning, studying and teaching, they have dedicated themselves to helping their students and the community in general. A good Elder, put themselves and their ego last. In an age where titles can be bought, respect seems able to be bought as well, or it is assumed it can be. People often write that respect must be earned, but in the same breath, demand respect from others for doing very little. That's not a dig at VR, more at life in general. VR was expanded in 2004, so the majority of covens are younger than 6 years old. We don't do anything to warrant an invitation extended to us, the process is designed to increase the numbers in each coven. Again, this works. I think I am just musing how this affects me as I learn.



I don't know how involved I will get in the coven. I do know that my page will be pretty bland because I have to take down any pictures that are not of, or take by me. Seeing as I am not yet comfortable with pacing a picture of myself on here, it's safe to say that my profile will become pretty impersonal quickly. See, every picture that is up there is special to me, or identifies me in some way.

- The pictures of Dawn, I love her, and I went dressed as her to Dragon Con, did pretty well too I might add. That in itself was a pretty epic adventure in so many ways, that I won't share with complete strangers.

- The spiral star was designed by a friend of mine, I love it and want to share it with others.

- The Taz fireman has very intense personal reasons for being there, not just because he looks cute and I support firemen.

- The pentagram and leaves, again not drawn by me, but represents me in many ways

- The processing icon, well, that's just been with me for so long, on different journals. It goes pretty much everywhere I go lol.

- the other pics are just ones I have picked up a long the way. I chose to have both male and female represented in the page because I believe in both the masculine and the feminine, in balance.



So although it may seem like my profile has works from all other people, there are reasons I have chosen to have most of them there. Taking them down will also take down a part of myself. And unfortunately I am not a graphic artist who can make more pics to replace them lol. (I'm having enough trouble resizing my pics hehe)



It may seem like I am hiding from something, or someone, by not having pictures of myself on here, or being reluctant to put some up. I've thought about this, and it's reasonable to assume. However the motivation is not 'hiding', it's more protection. I have been burned in the past, and am not willing to put identifyable images out there in a forum of complete strangers. I have enjoyed being just 'me', no judgement on my appearance (an yes, I have avoided the scum trying to cyber with me because there is no pic to attract them). People have spoken with me, and what they get back is 'me', they have to judge me on how I act towards them, what I say etc etc. What you see in the journal is probably more 'me' than in my life outside this forum. I can be honest, blunt if neccessary, I'm not here to be impressed or be impressive. I state my opinions, but try not to critisize others in the process. And I don't indulge in drama or power play. I have already had someone try to be 'superior' to me, only to be met with sarcasm and humour. A low score on my profile is just not enough for me to think I should respect or fear you.



Like everyone else, I can simply delete my profile and walk away. There are so many forums around, and tbh, I'm not so wrapped up in the vampire lifestyle that it would make a differentce to me if I did close my account down. I joined so that I could journal, release my thoughts in an anonymous way, get feed back from others, and learn (perhaps teach) with people who are both like and unlike me.



So, all of this, illustrating the complexity that is me, all agreeable and disagreeable in one package, leads me to aske the question.



Am I really the sort of person that any coven wants or needs?



I guess time will tell :)

Hmmmmm
12:32 Feb 15 2011
Times Read: 603

Getting close to lvl 20.00. Why do I feel like a guppy in a fishbowl?



Or worse, a rabbit in the firing line lol

New Pics added on Dev art
11:57 Feb 15 2011
Times Read: 604

Cos I am still trying to get my camera and Adobe 9 on speaking terms, I have uploaded some recent pics of stuff I have taken.



Feel free to come visit, but there are no pics of me up there yet :)



http://beastlet.deviantart.com/

Damn photos
08:25 Feb 15 2011
Times Read: 606

I invested in Adobe 9 so that I can teach myself how to edit pis. I am a hobby photographer, and all of the pics I have posted are untouched (ps I posted them on Deviantart - the link is on my profile)



I'd love to have a play around with a few photos I have taken, and when I have I'll post a pic of myself (after I have given it some special effects lol)



Yes I am shy about posting my face on here. Call it just caution after being burnt before ;)

Damn I'm tired
15:17 Feb 13 2011
Times Read: 611

I think I am too tired to even come up with something to bitch and moan about....how unlike me.



Although Stalkbook is pissing me off atm, maybe I shall dwell some more and see what I come up with after some sleep.....

Go me !! hehe
13:54 Feb 11 2011
Times Read: 617

And now we have some new fonts added.



It's not the most elaborate profile page, but I'm damn proud of myself :)

We have centering people
12:20 Feb 11 2011
Times Read: 624

Yes I know, I hear the chorus of 'Big Deal', but this is a big thing for me. Evering is looking all pretty and in the middle of the page hehe



Dracken



Huge thank yous are well deserved here. The first of many very generous and patient people to help me out and make me feel like less of a dummy than what I did a couple of days ago.



I even know what CSS means now :D

I've reached Vexer status
01:30 Feb 09 2011
Times Read: 643

Yup, I think that's an appropriate description lately lol

Quiz Quiz everywhere...ok only one atm
15:17 Feb 08 2011
Times Read: 645

You are The Wheel of Fortune

Good fortune and happiness but sometimes a species of

intoxication with success

The Wheel of Fortune is all about big things, luck, change, fortune. Almost always good fortune. You are lucky in all things that you do and happy with the things that come to you. Be careful that success does not go to your head however. Sometimes luck can change.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

A funny!
15:08 Feb 08 2011
Times Read: 646

3 men were drunk.

They stopped a taxi. The taxi driver figured that they were drunk so he just switched on the engine & switched it off again. Then he told them, 'We've arrived'.



The 1st guy gave him money, 2nd guy said thanks, but the 3rd guy slapped him.



The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them realized that the car hadn't moved an inch. So he asked the man "What was that for?"



"Control your speed next time, you almost k!lled us."

Ahhh so this is feedback?
13:27 Feb 08 2011
Times Read: 649




'Your pictures are link. No thought in layout. No pictures centred. And you have a PM membership, apply some CSS!'



Apparently, to have a PM you must have certain skills. I missed that particular section of the notes. I thought it was a learn as you go. Now I had to politely ask for this feedback - and it's fairly obvious it was begrudgingly given.



See now this is a fairly good example of an 'individual' who is motivated by their own ego. He obviously, by his own words, feels that he is far superior to me, and dare I say, is irritated that I questioned his rating. tsk tsk tsk, shame on me. Ah well, I guess what I read about him was true. He doesn't portray himself flatteringly, but to each his own.



So now I must teach myself CSS, where is my manual for Dummies? lol

I recieved my first rating of lower than 5 lol
12:28 Feb 08 2011
Times Read: 651

Jeez people, if you are going to rate in the lower range, is it so hard to give a reason why? I'm not really all that concerned, but curiosity makes me wonder the motivation if there is no constructive criticism or comments made, especially from Sires/Cm's etc etc.



Considering that I am new to the site, think of it as actually giving guidance.



PS I don't do revenge rating or any of that crap, if you don't like the profile, pfffft - it's not like it affects my life or anything. I just won't bother rating or visiting at all.

Always good to have a look around
11:26 Feb 08 2011
Times Read: 656

I've learned to be cautious by nature. Especially in groups. From past experience, there are very few groups that can harmoniously exist for any great period of time. Kudos to those few that can.



I find it amusing that you put a group of so called 'individuals' together, and eventually they start tearing each other apart in their determination to be the more errr 'unique'. Ever heard of the phrase "you are unique, just like everyone else'? lol



I'm guilty of it as well. I remember trying so hard to be 'different', thinking that somehow it would make me stand out more. Meh, then you start connecting with people who are like-minded, and suddenly you've either morphed into them, or they've morphed into you - before you know it you have your own little version of 'Single White Female' going on.



Now, I DO play well with others, it's not usually a problem for me. Unless there is big ego issues involved in the heirachy of groups or covens.



I have no problems affording anyone respect, from the highest Sire to the lowliest newbie - or the lowliest Sire to the highest Newbie for that matter. In a forum like this I take people as I find them, everyone gets a chance to fuck up at least once. I am happy to learn, but sorry, just because I am a newbie on this site, doesn't make me a newbie on this path or in this life. I've said it before, I am not looking to impress or be impressed. I can stick to rules, if the rules are for the optimum care and concern of the group as a whole. If it caters to an individuals ego, it's not for me. Cos I know I won't last, I just won't be all that interested in placing you on the pedestal and worshipping your greatness. Especially if you are showing yourself to be a complete ass.



I'm one of these people that does take the time to read profiles, I will read the journals, and the comments that go in them. I will judge what you've said, how you portray yourself and how you treat others - then make up my mind as to whether I really want you around me. And I doubt there would be many who wouldn't do the same thing.



I have been reading the profiles of many interesting people. Taking them on face value, there is a lot of experience and knowledge on these boards. There are also a lot of people who just like to cause trouble and have found this forum to do it. Meh, people like that show themselves fairly quickly and fortunately there are strategies to deal with them.



I have had several guiding tips and offers of metorship. I have yet to accept, not because the offers aren't valid to me - more because I have yet to get to know the people behind the offer. If I place myself under the mentorship of another, I like to know who they are. So call me cautious, I just like to sit and watch some first.



I have seen warring between individuals and groups. I've read stuff - some of it I admit, I have no clue what it's about. But I read anyway.



Now I am making it clear, that although I have read stuff, I have not made any judgements. It's none of my business and I don't know enough fact to even form an opionion, only personal statements from individuals or groups/covens etc. But it does give me an understanding on how either the group or the individual operates. There is no side for me to take, I don't enter battles that aren't mine. And I don't buy into drama that isn't mine either.



So if you think I would be an interesting eventual addition to your coven, by all means get to know me. But be prepared to let me get to know you. Treat me with the respect I deserve as a human being, and I will do the same. Teach me, and learn from me, be honest and direct. And there will be no problems. I am loyal and honest, and even in an online friendship, I expect nothing less from another.

Ok, I bit the bullet
08:16 Feb 08 2011
Times Read: 660

Yes, I bought a year long membership, hopefully it won't be like any of my gym memberships - look how successful those have been in the past .....NOT!

Hmmmmm
10:07 Feb 04 2011
Times Read: 679

Some time ago, when I first started to explore the world of 'self help', I pretty much threw myself into everything I could find. If it would 'heal' me, I tried it.



I have a collection of books, only seconded in number and diversity by my dear friend. Everything from New Age, Religion, Paganism, Witchcraft, Archaeology, Mythology, Fiction, Non Fiction, Gardening, Nature etc etc, the list goes on. I love them all, have read them all, and find it hard to part with them.



And yet, there has been this niggling feeling growing for a long time. I was just thinking about it after a particularly unpleasant altercation with a shop owner who doesn't practice what she preaches. no I am a blunt person at times, especially if I have been pushed to my limits of tolerance, and I do not tolerate fools, liars, cheats or frauds well.



And then it hit me, I may be a bit slow, but I finally worked out what has been bothering me. So many people (and I will pick on the New Age movement in this case), simply cannot be balanced. What I mean by that it that they are only capable of thinking in terms of what they see as positive. If something is remotely negative, uncomfortable or confronting, they really are unable to cope. Immediately, they switch the responsibility to others, 'it's their fault, they did this to me, this person is horrible because they said this to me...'. So what the larger society has become is either self centred, materialistic or immature in terms of their own growth and development - or all these things together and more.



Now I am no saint, I'm human, with human foibles and I am well aware of all of them. Virgo remember, I will judge myself way more harshly than anyone else. But holy shit, if I fuck up and someone has the guts to be honest about it with me, I own up to my mistakes and appologise. I don't try to turn it around and make it their fault all of a sudden.

I won't accept fault that isn't mine and I will defend myself. But I figure that if I am going to be a better person, to feel better about myself, then there are going to be things that are said and done to me that will hurt because they have that ring of truth in them. If all I do is turn away, ignore it or make it someone else's responsibiliy - then how will I grow?



Just like if someone pisses you off for some reason, taking the time to stop and look at them and see if they are mirroring something in yourself that you don't like. Or else they may just be an asshole who deserves a smack in the head.



I;m not some guru who has all the answers, I'm just thinking out loud. But if these are the sort of people that will be leading us into an enlightened era of living, I don't want to be enlightened.

www.Vampyourspace.com - Evil, Vampire, and Horror pictures

Bloody 'New Agers'
07:30 Feb 03 2011
Times Read: 691

What a bunch of egotistical, condescending, deluded morons. Seriously, the more I deal with them, the more I want to smack them over the head with their own rambling and tell the to wake the hell up!



When I was younger, I think I considered myself new age. Very fluffy, but I don't think I was quite so condescending. hat really bugs me with these so called -enlightened beings' is the way they can only look at the positive (or what they call the positive). More often than not it is a case of complete denial. If you speak against their views, you are a negative energy. If you put your opinion forward, you are imposing your negativity on them. If you don't sit around on your fluffy cushion wearing your rose coloured glasses and sending light out to heal the world (or subdue the lizard overlords), you're contributing to the demise of mother Earth by detracting from her spiritual midwives!.



Give me a break. What makes these idiots any different to all the other zealots out there? They've simply traded names of their brainwashing.



What I see most of all is this complete lack of personal responsibility. If something happens, it was divine providence. If something doesn't happen, you were obviously blocked by the negative people around you, or the divine knows better and you have to be patient. Whatever happened to getting off your butt and making it happen? You can sit and pray til the cows come home, visualise it as hard as you can and positively charge all your wishes. But if you keep sitting around and waiting for everyone else to slot the pieces into life just so that it is fortuitous for your outcome, without getting the fuck up and putting so damn hard work into making it happen - then you deserve to get exactly what you have put in - Fuck all !



And while you are sitting around, blaming all of us negative people for ruining all your dreams and hopes, I, (and people like me) will be the ones out there, effecting the changes in the world. And stopping it from sliding into a selfish, self indulgent, useless society of lazy non working fucktards !



So there - nyah ! :P



Am I the only one who thinks this way ??

Where was I....
11:38 Feb 02 2011
Times Read: 703

Oh yeah, back to the topic of labels.



I've been reading so many pages on this site (I like to actually read stuff about people when I am rating them lol), and I see a lot of statements like 'I am this..." " I am that.....' blah blah. Not saying that I disagree with people saying this, I just have trouble seeing people as one thing.



For example, I have read a lot where people will say 'I am a Satanist'. All good. But how do I picture a Satanist? Do I picture you as thumbing your nose at xianity, worshipping at the knees of an Anton La Vey wannabe, practicing Black Mass & dwelling in all that is in Darkness? Or do I picture you just as a person who happens to follow Satanic practices and philosophies - in other words, do you look just like a normal person who likes to do their own thing, has belief in themselves rather than some deity (if you even believe in such a thing)?



A lot of times, there seems to be an image that seems to be very important to portray to be taken seriously when labelling yourself or others as something. Satanic, Pagan, New Age, Goth etc etc (don't want to appear to be picking on Satanists, cos I honestly dont have a problem with Satanic practices). Ever been looked at weirdly because you DON'T fit into the image of what your label portrays, as opposed to you looking every bit like your label?



There is almost a safety in wearing a label, a sense of belonging to a 'community', people who understand you and you understand them. But isn't that a false sense of security? Doesn't that make you exactly what some labels rebel against?



Beleive me, I don't think there is anything wrong with belonging to a 'community', and I think as we learn, we often seek out like minded folk because we feel accepted, valid and 'on the right path'. But isn't there also a loss of the 'self' that happens when we affiliate into a label? Rather than being who we truly are, we compromise, too often losing that spark of individuality. And unsuprisingly, we don't recognise that we have become what we shied away from in the first place.



These days there isn't even a clear definition of male and female. There is a whole specrum of variation there, and that 's without getting into sexual orientation. I was lucky, when I was young, I was exposed to people of all gender, sexuality, nationality etc etc, although at the time, I didn't realise that these people were seen as a minority or 'out of the norm'. I am forever greatfull for this.



I love to look at someone's profile and see more than their 'label'. I love to see their sense of humour (or lack of it lol), their artistic ability - be it high or non existent, their knowledge of who they are, why they like the way they are and the thumb the nose attitude of anyone who doesn't agree. I love to learn what they've learned - there are some great profiles that teach in their one page, more than some of the most elaborate ones that contain egotistical waffle.



In my mind, I form an image of that person that could be completely different from their physical appearance, but it's also how I 'read' them - not in the creepy, trying to find out all your personal secrets type of way, more a feeling of who that person is. Most times it's accurate, occasionally I've latched on to a part of the person they would prefer others not know about - Whoops lol.



I guess images and labels don't impress me, people impress me. So if you are wanting a clear, concise label of who I am - you may be disappointed. I have no clue how do do that for myself, let alone how to get it across to anyone else lol.

What is the obsession with labels?
01:44 Feb 02 2011
Times Read: 704

I am a Virgo, I know I should be completely obsessed with labelling anything and everything. I guess this is where my Pisces rising takes charge. I am neurotic but just really couldn't give a shit lol.



I find it easier to tell you who I am not, rather than narrow down who I am to one or two labels. When I look at people I don't see walking tags.



......... my brain is going off on a tangent, but I have to go out...so more on this later.