Hope this will make you laugh
23:47 Oct 05 2007
Times Read: 734
From my good friend UA
Ladies you will love this. Gentlemen please pass it on to your female
friends.
Subject: Wax is not our Friend
WAX is Not your Friend
CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I laughed till I almost
cried
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and
now...the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the
waxing
kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise:
the bathroom.
It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot
wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and
you
peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you
pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean,
I'm
not a genius,
but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks
in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold
wax,"
yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it
tight and
pull.
It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad.
I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all
wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting
championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same
procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my
bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching
down
to the inside of my butt cheek.
(Yes, it was a long strip)
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off
half the strip. ****!!!
Another deep breath and RRIIPP!!
Everything is swirly and spotted.
I think may pass out...must stay conscious..
Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe...
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has
caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I
hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip.
I touch. I am touching wax.
****!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still
propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my
foot
down.
DANG!!!!!!!!
I hear the slamming of a cell door.
"hoo-hoo"? Sealed shut!
Butt?? Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to
do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop.
My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!!
I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently
wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!!!
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued
together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of
the
tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold
wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!
God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has
some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation
starter -
"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the
tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to
know
exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the
rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!!
Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the
wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie
goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot
water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike
and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling
for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What
do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!! It works!!"
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to
my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF
IT!!!!!!!!!!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing
hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color...... Now that's funny
..
Notttttttttt
Another funny from another great friend
Eight Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female..... A desire to get married and raise a family. !
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
AND; for women
He said . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . You wear pants don't you?
He said . . .... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!
He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . We don't know; it has never happened.
He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said ..... . . They already have boyfriends.
He said .. Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO
THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT
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