The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

No title
06:25 Sep 06 2009
Times Read: 612

September 1, 2009 - Tuesday



No title

you make my heart triple in speed

and sometimes it completely stops

you make me want to live forever

and you make me want to fucking die

i want to rip your fucking head off

and i want to kiss you

hold you

but it hasnt been the same in years

it shouldnt have ever begun

i cant believe i thought you were the one

i didnt say id marry you for fucking shits n giggles

i love you and i always fucking will

but i cant believe you're this way to me still

you treat me like a toy you can just put on a shelf

and you only pay attention to me when its my body you want

you like to play little fucking head games

and my feelings you like to taunt

you dont even know the half of who i am

you never cared to try

thats why were in the same position we were in years ago

obvious things about me,

are things you do not know.

yet here you sit

enamored

completely fucking glamoured

by what??

my outsides...?

and you never even once looked deep inside.

you make me want to throw up

because i know your love is just as shallow as the clothes you wear

youre not here for me today

and neither were you ever there

i dont see why you say the things you do

you dont really mean it

because if you did we wouldnt be here with crossed arms

and averted eyes

we would be in each others arms

and give a shit a little more when the other cries

but see that cant be

youre not one to truly commit

i fucked up my one chance at something real for you

and just the same as ever,

your back is turned to me

and here i sit crying in the corner.

i can wish and wish that you loved me more

and i can hope but it always get blown

and to go back to you...god...

better is what i should have known

Your Own Reaper
06:24 Sep 06 2009
Times Read: 613




shut off now

from the one thing that made her feel okay

she didnt mean to hurt anyone

but to save it what can she possibly say?

tear her down more

make her feel more lowly than she already feels

does that make it easier for you?

if thats the case

then that facade of genuine goodness you tried to put forth

was never there in the first place

soul shredded

no longer afraid of death

please someone just take her life

she believes everything would be better that way

kill her now, steal her final breath

youll all feel better

when she cant cause you any more pain

all the fighting, tears and yelling

will never have to happen again

she hasnt enough cowardice

running in her blood

to die by her own hand

she considers her little sisters-

does this not show that she is good?

she walks a path

there is nothing but this suffocating tomb

serpentine and black

it does not matter who she is any more

and it does not matter who she could have been

you got what you wanted, you killed her inside

you all should be happy-youre the ones who take the win

the beeping on the heart machine

is going loud and frantic, telling you to save her

but she doesnt accept it any more

the sides of this rut have grown impossibly steeper

theres no sun in this blackened abyss-

and you couldnt understand the treacherous feeling

of yearning to be her own reaper

Separation
06:23 Sep 06 2009
Times Read: 614

August 22, 2009 - Saturday





My heart beat is not like all others

It is just a weakened echo any more

The pain I've felt in the years that have passed

Is nothing compared to what's in store



Internally bleeding

From this haze I can't be woken

If it meant I'd feel alive again

I'd give you my heart if it weren't so broken



Tears mean nothing

Why let them flow

When it is toward you who I am so afraid

To let my feelings show



You couldn't relate to this

You could never fucking fathom

An emotion so crippling...

It breaks the bones as if you never had them



It crushes the ribs

Makes the heart stutter

I collapse in defeat

Today I lived through it again....

But can I make it through another?

06:22 Sep 06 2009
Times Read: 616




July 25, 2009 - Saturday



Further proof that you really can drive yourself insane



I am really sad, and scared. and I don't know what the hell to do any more.

I wanna play it safe. But I've never quite been able to pull that one off unless I never see the person.



I feel a real depression coming on, or a major let down.

Fuck, I hope I am wrong. I don't wanna be right this time.



I just want to be happy, I want to be with someone who treats me well, and makes it just as easy for me to be good to them.



That's all I ever wanted and now I'm scared that I'm fucking everything up by speaking too soon.



I don't even know if there was ever a chance anyway.



I'm an idiot.



But love makes you do jackassy things.

Impulsive things that you can't take back, even though you shouldn't have to.



Do my convoluted sentences even make sense to any one?



I wish they didn't make sense to me, because then i could dismiss my feelings, ignore them, pretend they don't exist.



But now since I've acknowledged that they do, there's no way I can make them stop.

I can't help that I want to make people happy, him in particular.



It's odd, and unsettling, the amount of power he has over me when I never even thought that it would be this way again.



I know he doesn't feel nearly the same as i do, and I'm sure that's partially my fault from mistakes in the past, so I can't blame him.



But this is hypothetical.



I don't even know how he feels except that eh likes me alot.



And he's heartbroken from the girl he was last in love with.



I'm walking on thin ice, and I know that.



But like I said before, love really does make you do things that could even hurt you in the end, just so you can see that one person happy if you can make it happen for that short while.



At this point, the way I see it, you really only have today, now, and if you don't take the chances then you'll have more regrets in the end.



You've gotta do what you can while you can, because tomorrow it could be too late.

Never
06:21 Sep 06 2009
Times Read: 617

July 18, 2009 - Saturday



Never







Get your hopes up, when there's that something telling you not to.



You'd think I'd have learned from this over the several years I've made that same mistake...



I guess I never do learn.



Everyone learns the hard way.



Whoever implied there was an easy way to learn from your mistakes,



Was insane.

La Tua Cantante
06:20 Sep 06 2009
Times Read: 618

July 15, 2009 - Wednesday



La Tua Cantante

Current mood:thoughtful

My singer, For whoever may capture my heart, and hold me there...

I need a partner who will tell me he loves me and that he will not ever hurt me again, or in the first place...and actually keep to it;



Someone who has the power to control me and tear me down, but NEVER would or could even fathom the thought.



Someone who will put it any amount of effort, because the love is so immense...how could he/she not?



Someone who trusts me, someone i can trust.



Someone who really honestly thinks im the most beautiful girl in the world, inside and out, and wouldnt trade me for anything.



Someone who can make me feel this way about them...and never mess it up.



It's not hard



Someone who can just agree to disagree on certain things.



Someone who is intelligent.



Someone who will always be theirself, no matterwhat. There's nothing I hate more than a fake motherfucker.



Someone who likes to go out and do things, not just party all the time, i mean, come on that's boring.



And childish.



Someone who can really be responsible, and is more decisive than indecisive.



Someone who is funny, but always knows when to be serious.



Someone who has much in common with me- but just as many things in contrast.



Someone who is confident; not arrogant;



I don't want a perfect guy, just one that understands me, and lets me get to know him.



One that would never lay a hand on a woman unless she was going all kamikaze on his ass.



It's not a lot to ask for, but the most important thing?



Honesty.



The everything will just fall into place after that.



Ive done my share of lying, but i cant do it any more.



I am content by myself, but i'd love to have someone to share my life with, and for someone to want to genuinely spend their life with me. I dont want to be your whole life, just a part of it. i expect the same understanding from another.





MORE...





Someone who is into alot of the things i am into, but i like to learn who people are, so some differences in interests is always way better.



Someone who is faithful, loyal. Isn't a pig in the sense of just wanting to see a bunch of females naked. That completely disgusts me. Have more respect damn it.



Someone whos goal is to be there for their significant other, and to support them int eh things they do that are good for them, supporting of the dreams they have, even ifit is not particularly their cup o joe.



Someone who can do all fo the above, but not view their girlfriend as a piece of property, or as a trophy. I despise that, I've had it happen to me way too much.



Someone who can laugh at his or herself. Laughter is one of the best things in the world.



Someone who tries much harder to be content, than tries to be miserable (yes, I've known pople like that).



I want something real, genuine. Mature, fun. Someone who i want to see happy more than anyone else, even myself. Someone who is just perfect in my eyes.... And that includes all flaws...







i might add more later......

Thought
06:19 Sep 06 2009
Times Read: 621

July 9, 2009 - Thursday



Thought



"Pain is secondary to breathing, for me. I'd in many ways prefer not to be in pain, among other things...but none more than that first necessity of breathing...however unappealing"