03:23 May 14 2009
Times Read: 556
these visions...all so completely the same, and yet could not be more different from one another...
they take over my thoughts, envelope my being. viewing such things, in my minds eye this is what i have seen. i cant suppress them. they are always there, scraping at the front of my mind. its like im sinking down into this pool of water. the silence is deafening. but it is so serene that i cannot find discomfort in this silence. i blink through the waterry blur of movements. as im sinking, blinking, im crying. the emotions of love lost and familiarity are all so intense, i start to quiver. i strain to keep my focus. i see all of this with such clarity, such depth...yet at the same exact moment i cant understand what this is. i am so unexpectedly happy. its abruptness with which it assaults my senses knocks me out of breath. these images, they are blurred together, and also so utterly defined. this is what breaks me. what makes me stay in this dungeon of depression, of unfathomable despair. this is what makes me long for the times to be as they once were, and not as they are now. i cant function. it takes me far away. this life that i envision, is both destructive but so beautiful...it ravages my senses and turns me inside out. my nerves are raw with the electricity that flows through them. it is painful, and strangely comforting. i dont want to leave. how long have i been here? dont make me go. this is what i have been wishing for for many moons...please. give me back myself. but as i was then. and not exactly as i am present day. the edges of my flashbacks start to shimmer around the edges, forcing me to realize, im not there. i am not really where i thought i was. panic ensues. i hear the music which caused me, unexpectedly, to be thrown backwards in time. no. i dont want to go back. i begin to weep. the shimmering edges are fallings to pieces. heartfelt sobs. the pool of water starts to drain in a strange way. i am floating upward, at great speed. i try to keep myself there. i cant face the life i call my own any more. i am screaming, but noone can hear me...i lose consciousness......
my head breaks the surface...
i am gasping, bawling, take me back...take me back.
i can't go back.
*this is not fiction, to those of you who may think it is*
COMMENTS
-
SATANS666SOLDIER
23:19 May 15 2009
so beautiful and elegant i love it