The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

today is mothers day, w/e that doesnt mean much to me.... i have more things on my mind then i know what to do with. on thursday me , jess, cam, bryan, ty, and kevin rolled on e. it was so much fun, we went back to cams house and partied, we all took off our shirts and hugged and loved each other, but then while i was massaging bryan he rolled over so he was facing me and pulled me down to him so we could hug and w/e. hugging turned to rubbing and rubbing turned to hickies which turned into kissing and grinding... i told him i loved him like 10.000 times and he told me it back, i already loved him so much all i wanted to do was be with him like i had always fantasized. but it didnt end like that, we crashed and went back into the bedroom and slept near each other, i played with his hair and rubbed his back and loved him while he slept. i fell asleep then and when i woke up it was because of his cell phone alarm. when he eventually woke up he just left.went and took a shower, then left for work, i wanted to hug and kiss him again but he didnt seem interested so i assumed that he just wanted to be close to me because of the e, which really makes me depressed because all i really want right now is him. i have other people that i talk to, i want them too but if i could have bryan i know id make him so happy. but i know its not going to happen and it makes me die a little inside when i think about it.i want to tell him how i feel but i cant because it might fuck up the friendship, and i cant do that, i love him too much. i hate feeling, i hate living i just want to die right now but i wont... all i want is him, why does it always end up this way? at least i didnt fuck him.