You have to learn how to wear Hate, or you just look ugly.
05:55 Apr 17 2026
Times Read: 12
Clearly, non gamers can ignore this. If you don't feel like growing or learning anything.
But when a game and it's story can inspire artists to relay it's journey through other mediums, to reach even wider audiences. Telling the subtler nuances, in this instance, through music and song, that is where game take further strides far beyond kids just pressing buttons at flashing pixels on a screen.
Specifically and personally... the game God of War. And the Youtube creators MiracleOfSound. The two songs that I've heard by them based on the latest 2 releases are not only entirely beautiful and enthralling but how the songs are performed share the deeper emotions experience by the protagonist and his struggles with anger and hatred.
There are few I would wish relating to emotional struggles depicted in videogames. That said, both songs resonate deeply with me, and my struggles in dealing with my forced absence in my daughter's life, our stolen time, and malicious deeds enacted on my daughter for being my blood. That introduced me to a form of anger and loathing that I did not think was possible. I mistaken thought the worst I dealt with was romantic and friendship betrayals. A lesson quickly learned.
Balancing my life, my emotions my hatred and anger, as I breathed my daughter's aura, she tempered me. But it was there. Never ending. Never ceasing it's screaming in my soul. So I lived perpetually angry... Few could tell or tell why. I didn't lash out. I didn't take it out on others as I moved though life. But there it remained. There it still remains.
Only now... I feel a peace a release, unburdening. Since I've been lucky enough to have spent the time I had with my daughter enough that she has chosen on her own that her place is by my side and hasn't changed her mind yet. Now it's my turn to temper the anger and disdain that she has for her mother. Something I do not encourage at all. Despite karma and it being amusing.
All my anger and hate... has no room near me. My ONLY job has been to make sure that my daughter has every chance to be the child that she deserves to be. Despite the ugly situations other's keep on wanting her to live through and wish upon her in the spiteful act of hurting me through hurting her.
Sure that angers me, but I've other things that fill my time. And at NO time will my daughter ever look at me and see nothing but smiles in the situations we share together. She doesn't fear me. She doesn't hide nor feel silenced by me. I don't understand why that is something a child should ever have to point out to her parent.
My daughter is choosing to be with me and she hasn't been happier.
That is all that matters.
So... God of War songs by MiracleOfSound have been a great help in dealing with the internalized emotions that I have. From being nearly consumed with vengeful loathing, and keeping it in check to be the best father I can be to my Littlefoot, to releasing that waste of energy and just be better than the jaded hermit I became.
Navigating my hatred carefully so that my daughter didn't ever notice my dark thoughts nor did they stain our time together, to not letting my hatred ruin who I am, and using my daughter in some tilted scheme to hurt her mother back for ever last fucking second, minute, hour, day and moment she stole from us.
She has earned the ire of our daughter on her own, and I will proudly wear that. I had no hand in it. My pride doesn't allow me to do anything else. Free will is a gorgeous thing when people dig their own graves right beneath where they are going to hang themselves with the rope I give them.
My ego still exists and I will relish the fact that for how "manipulative" I am made out to be... me sitting back and letting others do what they do seems to anger them quite a bit, and they blame me for... watching them do... as they wish.
I guess that's the remnant of the guttural rage I've lived through.
And Now.... I have to navigate and guide my daughter's rage and her not understanding why her mother did and does what she does to her. I don't encourage it, I work carefully to pacify it and teacher her that the closest people in our lives can tear into us carelessly. Out job is to understand their choices as much as we can and react as best we can without compromising WHO WE ARE as a person. That way she has no regrets on how she behaves toward others. That not all who wrong us deserve our anger nor our time. That despite being on the receiving end of horrid actions, we can and must do better lest we lose who we really are and then they determine who we are. And that's power that no one has ever earned over us. Do better. Be better... That we can choose to be better.
At the end of which I smile...
because despite key peoples hatred of me and my choices. Their attempts to destroy the very essence of who I am and have been... I chose to be better than every single one of them.
My beautiful daughter reminds me of that fact. Every. Single. Day.
I'm sure someone will rationalize this to twist it to their narrative and that... at least shows determination, I guess.
Being compassionate is free. Yet some just simply cannot afford it.
Just because you hurt, does not mean everyone else should too. Appealing as that notion is.... believe me. It's not worth your soul.
If you have one.
Ode to Fury
https://youtu.be/RROd79kpDKw?si=PQBKs-Aaw4yRrQFC
To Be Better
https://youtu.be/jA5p3RAxGPU?si=AqYxeWUAne2y_5dz
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