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I havnt written in a journal for this profile yet, or maybe I have and I deleted them all...who knows.

I leave for Michigan tomorrow after Mat gets out of work, I am pretty excited about that. I just cant get up the enthusiasm I had before, even two days ago. I'm so down and it sucks so bad.

My great uncle San died last night. Mom is going to drive down to Nc with my grandma and Aurele...i think they are leaving this morning, perhaps they are already on the road.

Mom said she will be back on Wednesday, she has work to come back to so she cant stay that long. My aunt Cheryl and uncle Dick are going to drive down and pick up my grandma and Aurele when they feel like coming back to MI. My grandma and my aunt Joan (San's wife) are identical twins...so I dont think grandma will be leaving there any time soon.

I feel so bad that I cant get down there too. I looked on mapquest and its 1669.62 miles from here to there...or twenty five hours and some odd minutes...with our going to michigan, which is 1366 miles and 19 hours fifty minutes..there is no way we could get down there too.

I tried calling aunt Joan yesterday, but the phone was busy and i was told by my uncle david that she was probably still at the hospital anyway, that when i found it, he had only died about twenty minutes ago. These are times when i hate how far spread out my family is. When things like this come up, not many of us can drive that far of a distance to give support. I dont know what we are going to do. We may still go to my dads when we get in. My uncle david wants us to come over there. Though, with the weird look mat gave me, im not sure thats gonna happen haha. My uncle is gay...or as he said on the phone last night "Your old man has to meet your faggity ass uncle, if he can handle me, the rest of the family wouldnt be a problem" haha...he made me laugh so hard last night. Before that, i heard my aunt lulu cry on the phone...ive never seen or heard her cry and it was even more heartbreaking, just like when mom called crying before anyone...i felt horible that i wasnt there...i dont know...just really really down today...