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And now is the time that I re read what I have wrote. I know how I have felt and living like this is getting me no where but down. So I do what I can for myself. Tonight look for episode 6 of Lock the door motherf**kers and possibly episode 7.

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Sinora
22:31 May 29 2008

That's my girl...*hugs*

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*Sigh* I don't know why I started writing this....

I don't really have much to say right now except that I am in a state of suspended animation, waiting for the next action so that I may decide my own re-action. I am very nervous and quite on edge. Last night was the first time all week that I have relaxed if only for a moment.

I haven't slept for more than 4 hours at a time,

my dreams are nightmares and they wake me with tears in my eyes and I find myself alone, clutching my phone wishing I could hear your voice. Sometimes I fight back these tears, trembling in the dark I'm vulnerable and I don't like to feel so weak. You are my only comfort now, so far away.

I feel so horrible. My head is spinning and I feel like my grasp on everything I've ever wanted is slipping through my fingers and I'm freaking out about it. I don't know where to turn to, I'm no longer on solid ground right now, I need security.

I need reassurance in the future. I'm scared.

I need to rest now, I need to go away from the world for a while, I need to get my bearings.

I need to crawl up inside you and sleep.

Smiles and laughter seem so far from me.

Worry, fear and uncertainty cloud my world right now.

Give me serenity.

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Sinora
21:08 May 28 2008

*looks in handbag and pulls out serenity...gives it to V* x

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Last night I hi jacked the Blue Bell Ice Cream truck.

I ran out of gas so I sold everything except the Homemade Vanilla because I know it's your favorite.

Your freezer doesn't hold that much ice cream.

We had fun at that deserted theme park.

I wanted to ride on the carousel...

but I refused when I saw the horses had the legs of a dog and teeth like wolves.

You nudged me to get funnel cake.

That was not powdered sugar it was covered in.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me, or if there is in fact anything wrong with me at all.

I have only had my nose bleed maybe twice in my whole life and that was probably from getting hit.

In this last week or two my nose has starting bleeding twice for no reason and my ear bled as well. Yes, there was blood coming from inside my ear. I have had no pain and I feel fine.

The first time my nose bled and when my ear bled I was at home so it wasn't that huge of a deal, but this last time I was at work when my nose started to bleed. I thought one of my co workers was going to faint. It actually made me laugh.

But enough about me, I want to know what everyone has planned for Memorial Day weekend. :D

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Sinora
22:07 May 20 2008

Take you nose and ear to the docs and get em checked out x

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Look babe, Croatia is on my list! That castle would be perfect.

I have been accepted into a new coven, and I feel even closer to my sweetheart. I have a good feeling about this and the future looks bright.

Just to remind everyone, I will not be on this weekend, as you know it is completely reserved for my time with Azreal.

Oh and Friday I will not be at my office so I won't be on then either, guess everyone's gonna miss me, huh?

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Sinora
22:17 May 14 2008

Ohhh a new look, I did'nt recognise ya hon....course I'll miss ya *hugs* x

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Vidiana
22:24 May 14 2008

Oh Sinora, you're one fit lady! *hugs*

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azreal
01:07 May 15 2008

Yes, you are all mine for 72 hours.

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Vidiana
01:52 May 15 2008

*blushes* that's what I like to hear.

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Oceanne
13:26 May 16 2008

Enjoy your time off and together..three days of bliss and relaxation.

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For shame for shame you naughty thing

I thought as I ate my lunch with no regard to the diet I've been on....

Fries, greasy cheeseburger, sweet tea, fried peach pie, I even bought oatmeal raisin cookies!

What has gotten in to me?!

I have to stop this right now. It's going to take me all night to work off what took me my lunch break to put on.

Oh woe is me, I have done this to myself....

I've heard of people having set backs when dieting but this was really bad.

I saved a dog's life today......

I hope he's grateful, he's my favorite work dog and I would be heart broken should anything happen to him. So he sleeps with his head on my feet, and he tries to jump in my car because he thinks I'm going to take him for a ride, and henips at my hands while I walk so I will pay attention to him. That's what dog's do.

He's also my best friend out here....

So sorry to all about the delay. I know I said part 4 would be out this week, and it will! But I'm unable to post it until later this evening. Better late than never, right? So look for it tomorrow, or late tonight if you're going to be on. If I'm feeling especially good, I may even put in part 5! I promise it's gonna be good :D

That may have sounded a bit harsh. But honestly, when you speak to someone, can you tell if they really care what it is you have to say?

I can tell while the words are still coming out of my mouth. Sadly, but honestly, there is no one out there who is going to care what you have to say 100% of the time. This is just how it is. I'm even guilty of it, and it's not really that I don't care, it's that perhaps I have something important on my mind while you are trying to tell me about what color to paint your toes.

No matter how big or small the issue, should the one talking realize that their words fall on deaf ears, they will be hurt. So next time someone is talking to you, just remember how you would feel if you realized that they didn't care what you had to say.

I have yet to pin point exactly what it is I'm allergic to.

I have never been allergic to something in my whole life, but recently I have found myself having sneezing fits that will last for a good part of a day, or night.

It's not something that gradually shows up.....

it's more like one second I'm fine and the next

I can't stop sneezing.

I have a feeling it's Max, but he always sleeps at my feet, why would I just now react this way?

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Sinora
18:57 May 02 2008

Sadly it can happen that way. I am now allergic to cats and dogs....only started a couple of years ago.

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SeleneTremere
18:00 May 06 2008

Good luck finding it. It took me a few weeks to narrow down the Acetaminophin that was causing my allergic reaction.



I had taken it all my life. One day I woke up and took three and it literally sent me to the hospital.



No clues why, it just happened.

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Kontradiction
22:17 May 12 2008

because allergies can onset at any given time.



even to things you wern't allergic to before.

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I am in such a horrible mood.

Even out of work the things I do to pass the time or cheer myself up have no effect.

I am currently looking for another job...I decided that I shouldn't have to put up with shit like this.

I'm tired of being avoided, ignored or pushed to the side......unfortunately this happens outside of work as well. Whether unintentional or not, it's not a great feeling to be the one that is swept under the rug.

Get over it, you're not always going to have the attention you want, I say to myself. This helps me understand that as important as I want to be, I won't be all the time. You have to know your place and it's not always at the top, in fact, there will be times that you may slide down to the bottom. This is where I am right now, considering this last week. And that's just another reason this is a week to forget.

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cradlevampire
17:10 May 01 2008

dang thats deep

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Sinora
20:35 May 01 2008

*Lifts the rug and pulls V out and dusts her down*......there you are hon, now get your **** in gear and get yourself a job....*hugs*

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