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Over the past 2 months I have been the most sick I have been in years. I had the stomach flu, then a head cold and now I have pink eye from getting food in my eye from work. What the hell immune system?! I cant remember the last time I have been this sick in a period of two months. I didn't even know it was possible to get one after another so quickly. My high level of stress must be messing up my immune system badly. Working, bills and taking care of a sick baby really takes a lot out of a person.

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ToxicKitten
19:11 Apr 29 2016

Maybe it went to cancoon!



On a brighter note, I hope you feel better!

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I've been embracing my spiritual path a lot more lately, I find it extremely comforting in this stressful time. I can feel my "gifts" strengthen and become more apparent to me. I hope to start astral projecting a lot more like I used to, I miss it a lot. I used to visit the astral planes multiple times a day, now I do it maybe once a month. I've found myself too busy or stressed to visit the astral planes, but now that I am feeling more at peace I think I can finally visit astral more often.

I have chosen to focus more on me and my personal development than worry about things that are out of my control. I need to focus on what I do have, not what I am lacking. I am stronger and more intelligent than I give myself credit for. I have let myself become the victim and have thought myself as a stupid girl, but that is not true. I am not stupid, I am simply young and inexperienced.

I will gain knowledge as the years go by, just like everyone else. I am only 21 years old, I have a lot of living to do and a lot to learn. I need to not be so hard on myself for not knowing as much as those who are much older than me. I need to take their advice and learn from their past mistakes and be sure not to make the same. I need to listen to my elders instead of questioning every word they say and not listen to them. I need to not resist their advice and I need to stop being so stubborn when it comes to advice. I only hurt myself in the long run by not listening and heeding their words.

So, I am a part of a wiccan Facebook group and the women that are a part of it really get on my nerves some days. They have these "Discussions" as they like to call them where they gang up on someone who has beliefs that do not agree with their own. They belittle them and have this huge god complex and believe they know all, etc. why can't people accept that people are going to have differing ideas and beliefs on things? this is a huge pet peeve of mine. I don't give a shit if someone have a different belief than my own, as long as they aren't pushing their beliefs on me I don't fucking care. We are all entitled to believe what ever we want, who am I to tell someone they are wrong?!

I thought this group was going to be about learning and acceptance of others, but turns out that is wrong. It is a group where if you have a differing belief we will "discuss" how wrong you are and "debate" how stupid you are for believing something that is different from their own beliefs. It is like high school all over again.

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masterc
17:49 Apr 21 2016

I hear ya.

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LORDMOGY
01:36 Apr 22 2016

If it's considered a "religion", the followers are usually like that.

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SisterShadow
02:05 Apr 22 2016

I can totally relate. There is still a sense of "holier than thou" even in the Pagan communities. I have personally been attacked on 'Pagan friendly' sites, and told I was doing everything wrong, and if I was not taught by (insert fancy-ish name here) then I am a useless contribution to the planet...It is very stupid.

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Last night was a rough one for me when it came to sleeping. I kept waking up crying from the nightmares I kept having. The nightmares were my boyfriend telling me he is leaving me and never coming back to me, my worst nightmare.. No wonder I kept waking up in tears.

If my boyfriend were to leave me I would be more than heartbroken, id be devastated.. I don't know why I keep dreaming that he is going to leave me. It is not something that is going to happen, at least I do not think so. We have been through too much now to just give up.

I guess it is just my brain reminding me of what my worst fear is. Stupid brain! Stop it now brain!

I had 4 people over tonight to play cards against humanity, it was a lot of fun but very stressful for me. I have definitely had my fill of people for the next few weeks. It makes me incredibly anxious having people in what I feel to be my safe zone. I like my home to be quiet and not filled with people for longer than an hour and they were over for a good three hours. I definitely am not a people person, which is tough for my boyfriend because he is a people person. He often gets frustrated with me because of how I handle social situations. I cannot help or change who I am and how I react to certain things, it is who I and has always been who I am.

This week has been a good one for me. I can proudly say I am feeling genuinely happy right now. My life is going in the direction that I have been striving for. I have everything a person could ever ask for or dream of. I have a beautiful baby girl, a supportive boyfriend, a loving family, a job that may lead to a career, and friends.

I am going to start posting more Youtube videos here soon. I do not know what they will be about quite yet, but I will be making some. Making videos is such a good release for me, it makes me feel happy.

I finally had some time to meditate last night. I did some energy work as well to help center myself as I have not centered myself for quite some time. I think last nights meditation is a big reason for my great mood today.

I am going out for lunch with my aunt and cousin, I am really looking forward to it. I haven't seen either of them for quite some time now. My baby girl is at my parents for the day so I can have some adult time. I miss her incredibly though and she has only been gone from me for a night. Audrey is my life and I hate being separate from her. I know she is happy and safe, but still.

We are all entitled to have our own beliefs on things, and I respect everyone's beliefs. But when a person starts ripping me down for what I believe in and telling me I am delusional for my beliefs is not right by any means. I have done nothing to deserve such hateful and know it all comments. Just because you believe something different and have experienced life differently and through different eyes than myself and others does not give you the right to rip us down, call us delusional and say you know all. That is not how it works...

I would never in a million years belittle or call you delusional for believing in something that I do not believe in, as it is none of my business. You can believe and do what ever you want, that is the beauty of life. We do not all have to follow the same path or follow the same beliefs. We are all unique and that is what makes this world so interesting and beautiful to live in.

I will not sit back and allow someone to belittle me or belittle anyone else for their beliefs, sorry but not sorry.

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Elizabethbathory33
21:40 Apr 14 2016

You are right by what you say everyone's opinions matter and no one has the right to say that theirs are superior and yours less I am sorry for your troubles and hope your day goes a little better take care

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Ugh I am such an insensitive ass hole to my poor boyfriend. I need to stop treating him so badly and being insensitive to him so often. Just because we fight and argue doesn't mean I should bad talk him so often and rip him apart so often. No one deserves to be treated so poorly. I feel like such an asshole and like such a horrible girl friend. I should treat him as I wish he would treat me, It is only fair.

The past few days I have been feeling exhausted and not like myself. I woke up very grumpy this morning and felt very angry toward everyone. Anger has been a common emotion for me the past 2 weeks since stopping my medication. My boyfriend has noticed this and keeps asking me if I am okay. I just keep telling him yes I am fine so he leaves me alone. He doesn't understand me when it comes to my emotions, he claims he does but he really doesn't. If he did understand we wouldn't get into fights with I told him how I've been feeling. Fights between him and I seem to have become a constant.

Ive chosen to go off my medication. I have been off of them for about two weeks now. They cloud my mind and pollute my body and in turn my spirit. When I am on them I do not feel myself, I am an emotionless zombie on them.

When medicated I find it hard to feed, to astral project, etc.

I can finally enjoy life now, I can feel emotions now with great intensity. I missed this so very much, the intensity of everything that I feel.

I am an intense person and I can accept this about myself. I choose to embrace my "mental illness", instead of letting it define me or control me and my life.

I finally feel at peace..

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RemappingtheHumanSoul
17:25 Apr 11 2016

I did this myself. Though I do not feel and view the world in the same light as I once did before I was on them, but I am sure in time all those heightened senses will return.

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bl00dybear
19:03 Apr 11 2016

You have found a great truth. Be careful it will take you to places you never dared dream exist. Good luck to you.

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Work went well tonight. A woman from the Canadian TV show Dragons den, was eating at the restaurant tonight. I really look up to her! She has her own business and is very successful in what she does. Apparently she lives in my city, which is pretty cool. I wish to one day be as successful in my work as she is in hers.

I've been exhausted for the past few days and it is starting to irritate me. I don't want to be tired anymore! I want to be full of energy like I was before. No amount of sleep makes me feel any better. It's 9 pm and I am exhausted. I took a long nap today and that didn't help any of course.

I guess I will head to bed and hope that I am rested some what for work tomorrow night. Luckily Audrey has been a good girl for me and hasn't been hard to take care of.

Today Audrey and I went to my parents house and visited them for the day. It was a lot of fun. We took Audrey to the pet store where she lost her mind when she saw all the fish. The orange colored fish are her favorite right now. I love watching her eyes light up when she sees new and exciting things. I hope she never loses that spark.

Today has been a good day. Audrey and I went out today and had some girl time. I took her to the play place in McDonald's and had some lunch there. Audrey loved playing in there and I took her down the slide.

I love Audrey so much and love seeing her happy and having a good time. She hasn't been as smiley as usual so I thought taking her to go play would be a good idea. She loved seeing the other kids.

My boyfriend was nice enough to clean the entire house today. I am so lucky to have him in my life, he does so much for me and Audrey.

Tomorrow Audrey and I are going to go to my parents and send some time with them, which will be nice. They recently put new flooring in and I cannot wait to see how it turned out. They had the same nasty carpets since they moved in and they needed to be changed badly. Now that they are trying to sell the house they finally changed the flooring.

Seems I am finally over what ever it was that was making me sick. Today is my last day of work for the week and then I get three days off. I am still feeling a tad light headed, but I am feeling much better in every other aspect.

I just woke up and am just sitting in bed, debating with myself whether or not I am going to go to the store to buy some cigarettes or not. I think if I do my boyfriend will be angry with me and if I don't then I will be grumpy the rest of today and tonight.

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Morganna777
00:46 Apr 04 2016

You must do what you feel is right..."To thine own self be true..."





Morganna777

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The past 3 days have not been very fun for me at all. I have been really sick with a stomach virus of some sort. Today I have finally stopped vomiting, but I am still light headed and very out of it. Regardless I have to go to work tonight. I cannot afford to miss anymore work. I am ridiculously clumsy as well. I managed to spill my coffee all over one of the cats by accident.

I hate April fools day with a fucking passion. I make sure not to take anything said today seriously. I find people take this day far too seriously and go too far with their "jokes". It irritates me severely....