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i am so stupid... haha bipola!

I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!!!



Party Hard!

I just brokedown, had to write it down so thought id come on here. Y tha fuck does Mike get to be happy? after everything he put me thru. Tha world works in a fucked up way. I did everything for him and im tha one with nothing. I wanna nice boyfriend! But im just tha chick everyoen wants to fuck. Yeh at tha beginning i was like "yeh everyone wants me" but its not cool at all. I see tha way everyones boyfriends look and me and i fucking hate it.



So, i got a text from my bestfriend this morning saying my ex Mike is going to her birthday, im not... i wasnt even invited. He has screwed me up so bad and i just want my life back, i keep trying but nothing works. I have a great bunch of friends here in Tga but its like i cant actually talk 2 them about things because i just moved here and dont know them that well. Everyone in Rotorua hates me because ov him. He actually txt me this morning saying how everyone hates me. I dont hate anyone, well maybe i hate him. I know hates a strong word but hes fucked me up to tha point where i just wanna hurt him somehow but its not in my nature.



Maybe im just meant to be alone. hmmm hopefully not. Oh well that was a random bitch, i kinda had to do it. I feel abit better now

Well i am very hungover and feel terrible i got a tad drunk lastnite lol but had a great night. I have decided to let tha past go. Mike has a girlfriend and i guess i should accept that now and move on. Im loving hanging out with my good mates and i dont need a man to be happy, altho hopefully a nice one will come along...

Mike keeps texting me. He wants to see me. But why? he has a girlfriend and clearly doesnt care about me anymore.



Im home sick from work again. I feel like death. My whole head hurts and my throat.



I need a smoke...

Im so fucking confused. I feel like my heads going to explode. I cant stop thinking about Mike, But i do not love him. I dont feel anything for him, not even hate.



What do i want? i have no idea. Any guy that wants me, i dont want them. Has he ruind my chance of finding someone nice? i fucking hope not people i would love to meet someone that will treat me right and not like shit.

"Death Is Easy. Life Is So Much Harder" Well duh that is why we are here. Life is meant to be hard so when we get thru it we go on to better things. My lifes been crap but i know when i die of old age i will move on to tha next level.



Altho brilliant quote that is :)

Okay where do i start? I just moved to Tauranga from Rotorua...



I met my love Mike when i was only 15, i thought we were "meant to be" but obviously i was wrong. After being together for a year everything was perfect but then he had a decision to make, he chose to move to tha South island. We saw eachother every two months in tha school holidays but this tore our relationship apart. I started getting jelous and insecure, was he cheating on me? i guess ill never know. After doing long distance for a year we broke up for a year then i make tha big move down South to be with him. He was fucked! getting stoned everyday was fucking with his head and he began getting abusive, i tried to put up with it because i "loved" him. It took me three months living down there to realise i have to leave. I gave it another month but he got worse and abused me more, mentally and physically. Enough was enough so i snuck out tha back door when he was in tha lounge.



I went to stay with tha only person i made friends with while i was there, she was tha one that told me to leave him. I kept thinking maybe if i went to see him he would tell me to stay and everything would be alright but all he could say was that he wanted me to leave, so i did. I flew back to tha North island tha next day.



When i got back to Rotorua everything was shit, my life was falling apart i thought. Well, my old boss gave me my job back and i went on living my life without him. But a couple months later i got a Text from Mike saying he had been kicked out of his flat and living on tha streets. He kept texting me saying he was going to kill himself, i still loved him more than anything but there was nothing i could do. Well there was one thing, I bought him a plane ticket so he could come back and live with his mother. I thought after doing that he would start treating me with respect.



We got back together and everything was perfect for awhile until he broke up with me for no reason, but yet i kept sleeping with him thinking he still loved me. About 3 months later he said he couldnt live without me so we got back together again. This happend about 10 times over tha last 5 years. K so we were together again and happy, then he started his course and made friends with heaps ov chicks which was fine but then he started acting weird and would rather hangout with them than me. He told me i was being silly and broke up with me again.



That was tha last time for me! so i packed my bags and left my friends and family and now am living in Tauranga with two friends. Mike has a new girlfriend and its tha girl i never thought he would be attracted to. He still texts me now saying im gorgeous and things. Im just so glad i left all that shit and am starting a new life for myself here without him.



I miss him every single day tho.

COMMENTS

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xMitsix
09:37 Aug 02 2009

*sigh*



I know the feeling....

You miss the good times and the familiarity, yet you know that in leaving it in the past, it allows you to move on to bigger and better things and become what you couldn't while you were busy living your life around them....



p.s I love Tauranga :D

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