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Flying is simple! All you do is throw yourself at the ground and miss.

COMMENTS

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Behomoth
15:27 Jul 12 2012

68 times and no comments...WTF is wrong with people lol

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in horror movies you scream out dont do it they do ,it, if a bad guy was chasing me i would use my inisatives and stay on high trees not in the house or on the ground, if the bad guy calls im gonna come to your house and kill you put down the phone & B*tch run out the house 4 ur Life!!

6 of the worst pains in the world:

1) knocking your elbow or knee against a table or chair real hard.

2) burning your tongue on a hot drink.

3) stepping on a sharp rock or prickle.

4) paper cuts.

5) stubbing your toe

6) biting you tongue!

A teenage gets a packet at home. The father watches him/her open it:

Teen: Yes! I've been waiting for this forever!

Father: ? There is only bubble wrap in there, but nothing else.

Teen: Exactly, what do you think I ordered?

(Starts popping it.)

1) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.



2) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

3) MEOW occasionally.



4) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly



5) SAY -DING at each floor.



6) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.



7) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."



8) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."



9) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.



10) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"



11) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it



12.) talk on your cell phone in a Jersey Accent

my teacher pointed at me with her ruler & said

"at the end of this ruler is an idiot!"

i got detention after i asked her, which end?





Several thousand years ago...

mayan one: "okay guys ive finished the calender!"

Mayan two: "but it only goes up to 21.12.2012"

Mayan one: "ah dont worry about it we'll make a new one before then, i would have carried on on this stone but i ran out of room"

Mayan two: "fair enough, heh imagine if people thought that the world was gonna end because you couldnt find a bigger stone"

Mayan one: " yeah, but you'd have to be pretty stupid to think that wouldnt you?"





If you had to make a decision about going left or right. But you know that left isn't right, so by precess of elimination, you have to go right because it's the only way left...





Ladys, Below are reasons why cookie dough is better than ANY p*nis:



It's enjoyable, soft or hard.

Its makes a mess too, but it tastes a lot better.

When ever it's in your mouth, you always want to swallow.

You can enjoy it more than once.

It comes already wrapped in a protective wrapping.

You dont have to keep going until you've finished it off.

You dont have to change the sheets if you eat it in bed.

You can have more than one and you will not be called a s!ut.

They come in all sizes.





You see a robber in your house ready to steal all your stuff.

60% would silently call the police for help.

25% would let them go.

15% would grab the nearest weapon and beat the living shit out of the robber.

Like this if you are that 15%.





I love how, in scary movies, the person yells out, "Hello?" As if the bad guy is gonna be like, "Yeah, I'm in the kitchen! Want a sandwich?"





When you get a bruise, 5% of people try to remember where they got it, 5% of people don't even know they have it and 90% poke it to see how much it hurts.





*A boy is at home when his sister comes in the door crying*

B: What's up?

S: My boyfriend dumped me.

B: Naaaaw *hugs* why?

S: I broke his black ops disc

B: *pushes her away* YOU DID WHAT?!?!? OUTTA MY HOUSE!!!

S: But....

B: OUT





*I walk into the classroom with a jacket on*

teacher: take that jacket off NOW!! they are against school rules

me: OMG, I am so sorry! Is anyone hurt? no? ok....I'll just slowly remove this extremely hazardous jacket....off of my torso....and slowly freeze to death.....

me:but miss, why are you wearing a jacket?

teacher: because it's cold an-

me:EVERYONE GET DOWN! SHE'S GOT A JACKET!

*class gets down and screams in fear*

(like this if your school also has retarded rules made by hitler)