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Perhaps it is normal for many people on here to not feel normal... so perhaps those who see this might understand.



I don't feel normal. Sometimes, I don't even feel human. My thinking is different, my logic, my emotions are off, my mindset, and I tend to fail often at things I used to do well on. I cannot seem to speak normal anymore, either. Half the time some of those closest to me cannot understand what it is I am saying, or thinking. My mind freezes up when I speak, I stop mid sentence, and often wonder if my wording is correct, perhaps understandable enough for another to comprehend.



Sometimes, I feel as though what is going on around me or to me, i am detached. Other times I feel too much and cannot pull back. I am confused by emotion, and my memory is inaccurate, especially on consecutive events. My sense of when and what order events occure are not accurate often enough.



I hallucinate spiders upon waking and going to sleep, I have plenty of nightmares that involve evil, and for the life of me I cannot remember much of my past, and do not know why I cannot let ties go. As much as I should hate the people who harmed me and nearly killed me, I do not... in fact I still love them. Does that mean that perhaps my mind has messed up the experience and overdid it too much?



I don't know what to think or feel or do anymore. All I want in life, is a family that I can love that loves me back, and to write. I wasn't even supposed to live when I was born. So... what now?