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Don’t You Wish You Were Me?

A Short Story By: Sarah Hiemstra

People say that it is a good thing to be popular.

I say that they are wrong.

Being popular is like being a celebrity, but nobody gets what that entails. Nobody understands that half of it at all. Doing everything that everyone expects of you is like being watched by some higher power that is willing to judge you by everything that you do that they think is wrong.

How do I know all of this? Well, I used to be popular, I was one of those bubble-brained blondes who was so vain, and all I did was look in the mirror at my perfect, sculpted features. Then the bad side of being popular attacked me and brought me to the lower levels of the kingdom. So, in this story, I will tell you MY story.

The story of a girl with the hope of being popular her whole life…. And being denied that hope with a swift kick of reality.



Bubble-Brains

A flip of blonde hair, that was all it took to get some nerd to follow me around all day. With just one look in their direction, they thought that they would get lucky. I smirked at their pathetic-ness and how sad it was. Following me around like a lost puppy would get old, and sooner or later they would walk away.

But it never got old to be important to some people. My parents don’t much care about me, they ignore me, and they treat me as if I am invisible to them, a ghost. So it is nice to be a goddess at school, where mostly everyone worships the ground I walk on.

I mean, the only people who don’t worship the ground I walk on are Amanda and her Clones. But I and my crew are pretty sure that it’s just because they are jealous of our hotness. I mean, who could blame them?

Megan Foxx has nothing on me and my girls. We were the hottest girls in the whole school, possibly even the whole state. I couldn’t see my life without my worthy peasants surrounding my feet.

Without realizing it, the day that I became the most popular girl in school was the day that my downfall began.

Everything went from great to horrible very slowly, and looking back on it, it is painful to watch.

My life continued in his shallow vain glory. Going home in my candy red Mustang every day after school, I would walk into my house in my stiletto heels and slip them off onto the foyer. The little maid that my mother hired would quickly run up and clumsily pick up my heels to put them back into my giant walk in closet.

My mother had neither patience nor the time to do chores around the house. Or look after me for that matter, I took care of myself.

And by the time I get done telling my story, you will see that I didn’t do a very good job of taking care of myself.

Sometimes I thought that being ignored was the best way to go about life around my giant home on the bay. But now I see that being ignored is what let me to my downfall in life. My mother insisted on me learning Russian just so that she wouldn’t have to talk to the maids around the house.

She just made me do it. I didn’t much care, I could swear at her in Russian and she wouldn’t even notice, but it sure did make the maids laugh. I thought I treated them a lot worse than my mother, but they treated me better than they treated my mother. They treated me as if I was one of their own, one of their kin. A fellow sufferer in this beautiful disaster they call America.

I don’t really know how to explain how they treat me…. Let’s just say that they treated me better when I was a snobby drama queen than they way they treat me now. I guess they don’t recognize me anymore, like not only my personality has changed, but my face has too. Although, when I look in the mirror, I still see the perfectly straight blonde hair, the cobalt blue eyes, and the same chiseled features. There is sadness in my eyes that wasn’t there before… a sorrow that overtakes my presence….. Well, back to the story of my miserably sweet life.

As the days past, I became increasingly popular for what seemed like no reason. Until I found out why I was becoming so popular with the guys, and the girls seemed to hate me more and more every day. My boyfriend had spread a malicious rumor that I had starred in a pornography movie for Hollywood. I had never said any of these words to him in my life. But there it was, and there was no undoing it.

I wish that I could have turned back time to the point before I started going out with that scum-bag. But just wait, things get a lot worse.

Things Change

Going to school became a chore in my life, a never-ending chore that I had to endure for another 2 years.

Until one day I went to school and things weren’t as bad as they were when I left. I was deeply confused when I walked into school and everybody was talking to me again. My old friends began hanging out with me, I guess it helped that my depression didn’t make me gain weight. So, you can imagine how confused I was as I walked into class and everyone waved at me as if nothing had happened, and like everything was forgiven. I hadn’t forgotten how shitty they had treated me.



3 Months Earlier

What happened?

Why wont anybody talk to me?

What did I do?

As I walked into class, the scowls burned into my face. I had to quickly turn away, it was hurting me. I walked over to take my seat at the front of the class, but half-way there I saw that someone had dumped gooey stuff all over my seat. What was I to do? Just take my seat and sit in that gooey mess?

I didn’t know what else to do so I just walked to the back of the class. I could see their smirks as I passed them…..the people who did that to my seat. My ex-best friends now…… I guess. As I walked by Amanda, she gave me a look…..a look of pity. As if she felt bad for what was happening to me, as if it was all her fault and wanted to take it back.

I stopped in my tracks before I got to the desk that everyone had clearly marked my desk. The desk in the back that had graffiti all over it…..it was where the slackers or druggies always sat.



Oh my god…..they know. I have no idea how they know. The only people I had ever done drugs with were out of school and lived in a different town.

How could they possibly know?!

I solemnly took my seat and put my head down on the desk. The tears ran freely now…. They splashed onto the desk underneath me. I could hear them laughing now….. Their malicious laughter rang through my head like poison lulling me to sleep. I fell asleep in class for the first time in my life that day.

The memories came flooding back to me…..the memories of all the times I had done drugs… its not like I had ever stopped. I still do cocaine, I just thought I kept it more secret than what they are leading on.



The first time was in Denver with my cousin, Sammy. She had said that it was ok, and that nobody was going to find out. Needless to say, I believed her…..and it was like a huge rush.

And all I had to do was lean forward and sniff this white powder up my nose, and I felt the biggest high in my life…..it was amazing.

My cousin saw me going towards this guy sitting in the corner and quickly pulled me back.

“What are you doing?” she urgently whispered.

“That guy turned into a demon! I just wanted to ask him what he was doing in your house…..” I was practically begging her to let me go over there to talk to him.

She just shook her head and said in a hushed tone, “there are no demons Bonnie…..”

She could see that I was visibly freaking out and having a bad trip, so she took me to one of the back rooms to sleep. I tried walking through the hallway, and almost tripped over my own feet. But thank God Sammy caught me, otherwise I would have hit my head on the giant shovel hanging on the wall. I think I thanked her for catching me, but I’m not so sure. I can’t remember most of that night, like how I got into the room. All I remember is waking up to see the back of Sammy’s head.

Although I was still asleep, my mouth moved to form a smile. The memory was only half good, but it still made me smile.

The memory kept moving forward without me even getting to get a grip on what had already happened.

When I woke up, Sammy told me what had happened. I didn’t like it one bit. It scared me more than just the memories I had from the night.

She told me of how I had been freaking out over people who I thought were demons… I thought I only did it once. Then she told me of how I made out with a guy that I had just met. Just then Sammy got really quiet. And she whispered words that I wish I could un-hear.

She said this, “All we saw was you guys making out…… After about 2 hours of you guys making out, you moved upstairs….. I don’t know what happened up there, because I didn’t see it for myself…. But somebody who did go up there said that you guys were all over each other under the blankets….. After about 3 hours, he came downstairs with this huge smile plastered on his face,” she paused and looked at me with horror in her eyes, “He told everyone that you guys had sex…… everybody just laughed…. Mostly because he was 35 and you are only 16.…..,” Sammy looked down at her feet then back up at my face, “he said that nobody could call it rape because you were very willing. I don’t know what you are going to do Bonn…..”

I stood there, traumatized by what she had said. I couldn’t move any part of my body.

When Sammy saw the look of shock on my face, she just said, “Oh my god Bonnie! I’m soooooo sorry!!! I should have done something!!!” and threw her arms around me in a bear hug.

My eyes slowly moved in her direction, my lips wanting to form words, but no words could escape my mouth. Its like they were trapped in my throat, struggling to get out.

By my not talking, Sammy saw that it was time to take me home. She told me, “Time to go home Bonnie, come on….”

But I still couldn’t move….. The floor seemed like it was crumbling beneath me. So Sammy shook my shoulders, I could feel it, there was no resistance because I lost my balance and fell to the floor like a rag doll. Sammy screamed….that’s when everyone else in the house woke up and came to see what was wrong. When they saw me limp on the floor, they started scrambling around, trying to resuscitate me. My eyes were open, so I could see everything that was happening.

Maybe they thought I was dead, I don’t know.

I don’t know what happened next because I fell asleep….. My dreams weren’t to kind to me either.



My brain just kept re-playing what happened. It all came flooding back to me…. I saw everything that happened that night. My mind was then clear….. No drugs or substances to block the nightmares.





3 days later….







When I came back, I was in the hospital connected to a bunch of wires that were connected to the power outlet. I figured that they were there to keep me alive….I didn’t want to be alive, so I tried pulling the power cords out, when they were finally disconnected from the wall, three nurses came rushing in and reconnected them.

“What are these for?!?!?!?!” I screamed at them despite myself.

“These are to restore all the fluids you lost when you vomited for about two hours straight. Most of it was dry heaving, but you did lose some of the water in your body” the nurse tried to calm me with her soothing voice…. Normally it would have worked, but I was way to freaked out to have any common sense in my body at that point.

I started flailing my arms and felt the I.V. rip out of my arm. It stung a little, but not enough to stop the flailing. If it would have cut deep then I would have stopped because I would have wanted to watch the blood flow. The nurse called for an orderly to come and calm me down. Next thing I know, there is a big buff guy in a maroon nurses get-up and a buzz cut walking into the room. I closed my eyes for just a second, but that second was enough reason for the guy to come over to my bed and sit on top of my stomach and knock all of the breath out of my lungs.

He strapped restraints around me. I felt possessed, I whipped my head in his direction and started screaming with a demon-like rage. This surprised him, the look on his face satisfied me, I don’t know why. I had never been this way before in my life. But the demon controlling me was too strong to resist.

“You wish to restrain me?!” the voice demanded with the rage of a thousand demons raging out of the gates of hell.

“Umm….. I…..ca…” he was speechless.

“HA! You can’t even speak, and you think you are strong enough to take me and restrain me to this flimsy little cot?!” I laughed maniacally as if it was the funniest thing I had ever heard. I couldn’t stop myself….. The demon inside of my mind thought it was pretty fucking hilarious.

“I’m getting the fuck out of here!” the orderly yelled as he ran past the nurse and out of the room.

The nurse was my next unsuspecting victim. I whipped my head towards her and my blonde hair slapped my face. I could feel little strands of hair caught in my mouth, but at the time, I didn’t care. “What are you going to do you little ugly crone?!” I screamed at her. Spit came flying out of my mouth on the last word. The little nurse just began screaming and flew out of the room as if she had little wings attached to her shoes.

I laughed….

And laughed……

And laughed……

I couldn’t stop laughing…..

I eventually ran out of breath and began gasping for every little piece of oxygen that I could get. I started hyperventilating and eventually passed out…..



Thick padded walls surrounded me….. The only reason I knew this was because I felt a wall with my back, but it wasn’t solid…it was soft. They had blackened my eyes…I don’t know with what or how, all I know is that I can’t see and my eyes are wide open.



I don’t know what is happening…… nothing is making sense anymore…… I’m so confused…….



I figured that I had passed out or something, because it had seemed like nothing I am telling you is making sense, right? But everything that I have told you, is what I am seeing unfold before me. And as it turns out, I was never sleeping.

And I swear to you, I am not lying about anything I have told you, nor about anything that I am about to tell you……. I wish I was…….



Present Day

I got out of the nuthouse just in time to go back to school. I wasn’t really looking forward to it….but I had to go. My mother insisted on me going, she just said, “You need to be around people your own age, it will help you get your life back together.” Her muddy shoes stained my white carpet. She must have just gone horse back riding in the country.

It was hard to tell my mom that I knew about her and her riding coach’s affair. Pun intended… I couldn’t do it. I wanted to….but I just couldn’t do it….so instead I just watched our family slowly fall apart.

I don’t think that my dad had any idea what was going on…. He still did things for my mother as if they were still happily married. But sometimes, I would catch him looking at her as if he knew. The sadness in his glance, like he felt as if he wasn’t good enough. It hurt to see…..

Anyway, I went back to school. I had no choice. And, honestly, the only thing I remember is going to school, walking in, and hitting the floor.





What is going on?………… everything is all blurry…… where am I?………what happened?………



When I woke up, I was back in the hospital. I didn’t have the same rage inside of me as I had before though. I was more in control now. I figured that since I wasn’t freaking out, that they wouldn’t throw me into the psych ward again.

I attempted to raise my arm, and felt a tug on it. I looked down, my vision was blurry but I could still see that I was strapped down to the bed in restraints.

I heard the clicking of heels through the door and immediately just assumed that it was someone coming to explain to me what happened.

Boy was I wrong.

This monstrous looking creature walked through the doorway. It looked like a mix between a lizard and a spider. In spite of myself, I giggled. I couldn’t help myself, to see this monster in a nurse’s outfit and heels was hilarious to me.

The monsters head whipped in my direction and I saw a tongue flick in and out of its mouth. The thing hissed at me as it injected something into the I.V. that was connected to my arm.

It laughed as my head drooped down to my chest. I was out again.





A light……

At the end of a long tunnel……..

I looked behind me and saw only darkness……

The light was my way out…..

I walked towards the light…..

I entered the light……



“She put up a good fight. But all of the drugs in her system won the war. Her body just couldn’t take the overload of different chemicals.” the doctor sets down his clipboard as he tries to explain to Bonnie’s mother how her daughter died.

“I don’t understand….” she cries, “she was so popular and happy. Why would she turn to drugs?!” the sobs shook her body.

“Well, most teen try drugs at least once in their teen years…. She just took to many…. Who gave her all of that cocaine?” the doctor inquired.

“Her cousin, Sammy” the mother replied. She lifted her head to look the doctor straight into his eyes.

“Well I hope that this shows Sammy that drugs are never the answer. And to stop doing drugs immediately” he shook his head in disgust. The white fluorescent lights got to bright for Bonnie’s mother. She thanked the doctor and quickly ran out of the room. She couldn’t look at her daughters lifeless body anymore. To see Bonnie just laying there…. It ate her up inside…..



That’s right…. I died…

And it was all because I just wanted one high…..

And because of me, many peoples lives are going to get fucked up.

I hope they forgive me…..





“How?!” Sammy screamed at Bonnie’s mom.

“YOU!” she screamed in Sammy’s face with a finger pointed.

“Oh my god! She didn’t even take that much!” Sammy tried to explain.

“It was enough to stop her heart you little bitch!” she spat the last word out.

Sammy fell to the floor crying.

“I will NEVER forgive you. I’m going to have to tell your mother about your drug use!” Bonnie’s mother walked out of the room.

Sammy moved to her bed and curled up into a ball as the sobs escaped from her lungs. “I’m so sorry Bonnie! If you can hear me, I hope you forgive me….oh, how I hope you forgive me…..”



I forgive you Sammy…..It was my fault…..

I just want you to forgive me……