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My father telling me, "It's extremely difficult being with someone who's mentally ill, most people aren't strong enough for it."
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Fair to say he knows very little about my life, we haven't spoken much in the last 30 years. Something that's changing. Maybe something that's healing.
He doesn't like my oldest nephew's girlfriend. She, suffice it to say, has issues. She's had a rough life so far at only 14, you can't blame her for that. He's worried my 15 year old nephew can't handle her mental illness. And I mean, look... no body is born automatically with that capability. Yes, it is difficult handling someone with mental illness. It takes a lot of patience, compassion, understanding, and learning about their condition. You have to put in the research, you have to try to understand them on some level. And even then, despite all your best efforts, you may still lose them. Sometimes people can't be what you need. Sometimes you have to let them go so they can be what they need, and hopefully eventually they make it back. Letting Wolfie go was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it needed to be done. He needed it. And of course I'm still not over it, and I still haven't given up on him. But it was the right thing. It's taken me a long time to fully accept that, the fact that there was nothing I could do for him except let him go. He knows there's always a place for him here. Whether he makes it back or not is entirely up to him. I don't want to see my nephew go through that, and at 15 is his relationship really something to cause so much concern? Probably not. But if he loves her he'll be strong enough to do whatever needs to be done. He'll have to be.
It's odd watching my sister go through everything she's going through. Out of the three sisters, she's always been the super stable, secure one with her husband, dog, and one child. My oldest sister has always been the wild one, I'm the youngest beautiful weirdo disaster, and then there's the safe middle. That's how it's always been, three sisters, all extremely different. So it's odd watching the safe one fall apart for once. It's been coming for awhile. She moved to Texas to make her husband happy despite the fact that you could tell it made my nephew, and especially her, very unhappy every time they'd visit. Does that justify cheating on him? She's blaming depression, and no one can tell you better the horrible things depression can make a person do, the kind of person it can, and will turn you into if you let it. Depression can definitely make you someone you're not, doing things you would never do as yourself. So I get it. Personally I think she should still take some time away from her husband maybe to really think about what she wants. But she's been with the guy since they were like 14. Puts losing a 7 year relationship a little more into perspective considering, imagine cheating on a guy you've spent nearly your lifetime with. She was also on those weight-loss shots which I've heard can fuck with you mentally. The lengths people will go to, to lose weight instead of just... changing their lifestyle. I've been there, it's hard, suck it up. My dad was telling me that both my sisters are people who need other people to tell them they're pretty to feel valued. Apparently he doesn't think that of me. Do I need people to tell me I'm attractive? Honestly, right now at this exact moment in time, I don't give a fuck. I have bigger concerns than being worshipped for my looks. Especially after being covered by a vicious rash, ya know, your looks can be taken at any moment. Sure, I'm mostly back to normal now, but a week ago I literally looked like a fucking monster, and there was nothing I could do, but live with it, and accept it, and hope it went away. Because what if it didn't? What if I looked like that forever?
My dad has been the one to pick me up from the hospital when I get out. It's an hour's drive from home, and we've been having some good talks. Let's just say... through my illness when I was younger, he tended to treat me, especially my medical shit, like one huge inconvenience to his personal life. And that obviously hurt me, especially when I was already painfully physically ill at the time.
He finally apologized to me for it all.
"I'll always come get you when you need me to."
I dunno. Maybe people can change. Maybe the men in my life can eventually do right. Maybe, when you try even if it's uncomfortable, you can get to the source of a trauma, and fix shit.
Yeh, I have seen this issue a few times from a specific member. I'll go rate you again and have a couple others so it will fix your profile back to normal. :)
I haven't been on Fallout in... 3 weeks. I haven't turned my PS5 on in 3 weeks. I don't think I even remember how to play. I'm going to get back on, and everyone is going to be soloing Raids, and I'm still on the fucking sentry bot💀
When you're in the hospital for a week it feels like a year. I've been in the hospital three times within the last two months. So I feel like I've lost the last five years of my life. The good news is that I'm actually very healthy despite how it sounds xD I survived sepsis, and covid one after the other, and my organs are clean. My creatinine is at a 3.5 which is low for me, down from a 7. So actually, wide scope, I'm miraculously pretty good~
Now I'm just waiting for this rash to clear off completely which is pretty much down to my ankles. It's weird because it's not really itchy or painful, it's just the peeling constantly, and the more it peels the better I feel. It's interesting that even the hospital didn't really know how to handle it. I'm a medical mystery, what can I say. I'm definitely not human xD To put this into perspective... my parents, oldest sister, brother, and all their kids also got covid from the trip, all got the same nornal respiratory symptoms, all are over it now, totally fine. I'm the only one with Scarlet Rot, no respiratory symptoms, covid positive though. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Imagine the worst sunburn of your life. That's me right now. Shedding my entire skin, scalp to toe, like a motherfucking snake.
I always knew I was a dragon.
Normal humans get a cough from a virus. I lose my entire outer layer. They were bringing in the med students to WITNESS xD
Hey maybe you should get an attachment for the suit?
like a belt then a tail I seen many creators do that with outfits and slip the tail through a hole in the back rear and the belt is holding it up across you're waist line.
If you're curious what Covid rash looks like...
Now imagine that... EVERYWHERE.
Pretty unpleasant.
But again. Would you rather this or laying in bed, gasping for air? Because my lungs have been completely clear. Bizarre how covid can be completely different in different people... Maybe I'm just a lizard person. I've been watching too much Ancient Aliens on the Science Channel xD That's basically what you do in hospital. I'm not allowed to leave my room so it's basically laying around, watching basic TV, waiting for food to be delivered. I'm stable enough I'm not even on IV fluids anymore, and most of my meds are oral. They're keeping me here telling me they're trying to get my bloodwork up before they send me home. I should probably think about eating better for my blood. I'll admit that within the last couple years I have had extremely little appetite. Even things I typically enjoyed tasted like nothing to me. I've lost over 20 pounds since August alone, and I'm already not a large person so that much weight is a little significant. I need to eat more regularly, more nutrient dense food. They don't even have me on the renal diet here at the hospital, my vitamins, and levels are that low they simply want me to eat anything. You never think eating would be difficult. Eating and sleeping have become the enemy. You wouldn't be wrong in thinking that I've simply been in a state of slowly dying since Wolfie left. Coincidence? Perhaps. I'm sure he's doing better than I am. My body has simply lost the physical will to keep going.
Not pity, but sorrow. I don't know ya, but you are having a time of it and what little it means to send positive energy your way, it's the very least any one can do for another being. So there it is. you'll be on my mind. Good fortune to ya.
15:12 Jan 05 2025 Times Read: 677
Another blood transfusion. An ultrasound of my liver and spleen. A massive snowstorm outside. So I hope they're not sending me home today. My blood is back down tp a six when it should be at least a 25. Surely I can't keep getting pumped full of blood every couple weeks. Literally a vampire. They'll probably put me back on the hard-core anemia shots. Like I said, this body is struggling off this planet. I think even another transplant wouldn't change it's mind, it's just over this place. While receiving my blood I had a dream that I was being chased by a T-Rex. I wonder if the owner of the blood was afraid of dinosaurs🤔
It feels like there are great nurses, and awful nurses, no in-between. Like that obviously enjoy helping people or they seem to resent your existence as their patient. While I was in the ER I got Big Baldy as a nurse, and he was just plain mean. I understand that it's protocol to not give patients any liquid when they're in the ER in case of surgery. But ya know... when I've been there 7+ hours without a drink, are you really gonna fucking tackle me if I lunge for the sink?
I believe he would have xD
Plus, getting into an altercation would have been foolish because there were about 10 cops outside of my door. They wheeled up some Hannibal Lecter lookin bitch, screaming her head off. The ER was packed, no fucking wonder with 7+ hour waiting times, so they parked her right outside of my room with heavy security. So... punching a nurse would probably also get me face-masked, especially just for doing his job. I get that. I'm usually the favorite patient of most nurses, very low maintenance, but thirst leads me to delusion very quickly. They mentioned sending me home today, but I think that's off the table. I'm stable enough, they did three different scans on my lungs that all showed perfect. Isn't it strange how a virus can manifest so differently in people? Some it kills, some it gives life-long breathing problems to, some it simply makes them look like they have the plague. I guess out of the three a week or two covered in spots is getting off easiest. I'm pretty sure I got it on vacation, I noticed my face had started to break out probably around Christmas so it's possible I've already had this manifesting over a week now. Everyone was coughing on the way home so I'd say we all had it at some point. Turns out going on a 2000+ mile road trip a week after getting out of the hospital was... well, it was just bad timing, but it was a year already planned. I could've not gone, but the kids would've been disappointed, and with my health the way it is... it's better to spend the time I can with them. I feel bad for my parents, all their children are struggling right now. My brother is massively in debt/on the verge of losing everything, my oldest sister's kidd are sending her pictures of their dad's empty refrigerator because he refuses to buy them food, and my other sister, who has always been their golden child, well... On the way home she called my parents, and announced that she's done with Texas, and is moving home which is great because no body wanted her to move two years ago in the first place, everyone told her she'd regret it. Awesome news, we're getting her, and my 14 year old nephew back. However.... she calls our mother the next day to... get into a little more detail about what's happening. About how horrible her marriage has been, how she told her husband she's moving back with or without him, and most shockingly how my 100% pure vanilla, white bread, picket fence, perfect sister has been having an affair. She's been seeing a guy in town every time she's come up to visit us. Now... she says it's depression, and trust me I know, depression can definitely cause you to do things you would never normally do, and you have to understand... she moved to Texas because it's what her husband wanted, and she was trying to support him, and his happiness because that's the person she is. You wouldn't think that with the cheating, and all, but like I said, that's shocking, that's extremely out if character for her. But when he moved them to Texas he took her, and their child 1000+ miles away from their entire family, and support system. And this scumbag, because don't feel bad for her husband he is absolutely a scumbag, straight up blamed my mom for not feeling like a part of the family. Told her to her face he can't be himself around us because she in particular is too sensitive. My mother is the kindest person in the world so... And my brother-in-law in an inconsiderate, loudmouth, foul jackass who we merely tolerate for my sister's sake. My mother is the least of why he's not welcome, but no one has gone out of their way to make him feel that way except my brother. And apparently, while I've been laid up, said jackass called my brother, and they're all made up now because he's trying to keep his wife. Smart move on his part. She can do better, he can't.
And then there's me, and we already know how that goes. So yeah. I feel bad for my parents xD I don't know how they handle it💀
Well. Apparently the Scarlet Rot I have crawling across my body is a rare side effect of covid. Because of course when I get the side effects, it's the rarest most pain in the ass ones. Hey, at least I don't have covid toes because that's a thing. As far as covid, I'm actually getting off pretty easy. My lungs are completely clear, no trouble breathing, not a single breathing treatment. I have a cough, but it's pretty light. Actually, the main symptom of it, for me, seems to be this rash. So I guess that's probably better than not being able to breathe. I think we all just need to accept that this body does not belong on this planet. My entire life it has tried to destroy me. There's a point where it's like, just do it, you fucking bitch, come on, I want you to, hit me xD I must have done something... catastrophic in another life to deserve this kinda karma💀
Well so far 2025 can kiss my ass. Back in the hospital. Not for my kidney though. In fact, my creatinine IA down to 4 from 7 since I restarted the immunosuppressants. Still high, but better than it was. No, covid finally caught me. Imagine, I go back on the immunosuppressants, almost immediately get covid after years of evading it... That's why they admitted me, covid + weakened immune system, probably keep me two weeks. I'm also having a severe allergic reaction to... something. Let's just say, I'm covered in spots. And I've had chicken pox so they don't really know what it is. Very comforting to hear from your doctor that they have no idea what freak thing is wrong with you.
But hey. Kidney is good.
I'm sorry you're unwell, but if you're COVID + AND you're having a severe allergic reaction to something unknown, you're in the BEST place you can be, so I think that's a GOOD start. If you weren't able to receive the care you need with a weakened immune system then that would suck your ass more.
I don't know you from Adam, but I wish you health and MORE healing vibes during this time.
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