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well, tuesday morning i woke up not feeling right... got into my car to take my little one to school. after i dropped her off i was on my way home.. and thats when things happened........

i lost control of my senses being half asleep i ran a stop sign not realizing and ended up on a curb and dirt bank at 35 miles an hour...taking out my rear axle, completely shifting it to the left side of the car...and the front passanger tire looks like i put it trough a miter saw... damn i felt completely and irresponsibly stupid....needless to say i killed my first car like an idiot. dont know what i was thinking....but i'll miss her greatly cause she was my first and i had her a long time, i'm very sad now.

"call me when your sober"



By: Evanescence



Dont lie to me..

if you love me..

then you would be here with me..

you want me..

come find me..

make up your mind..



should i let you fall..

lose it all..

so maybe you can remember yourself..

cant keep believing we're only decieving ourselves and i'm sick of the lie...

but your to late..



so, dont cry to me..

if you love me..

you would be here with me..

you want me..

come find me..

make up your mind..



((not done...had to leave immediately))

just thought i would leave a very quick hello to you who read this.. and thank you kindly for stopping in and visiting... and also if you rated me. i appreciate you.

Destiny.. I gotta know if you want me, just let me know.



Destiny.. Give me an answer.... or just let me go.

today was my friends birthday, my friends and i went to a strip club.. i have never been so damn bored in my life.. it was unreal.. i was TEASED by my friends cause my chest was bigger then most of the girls dancing, i probably would have had more fun on stage.. the highlight of the whole night was my friends FIRSt lap dance ever, her face under blacklight was still bright red.. it was funny.

She seemed dressed in all of me..

Stretched across my shame..

All the torment and the pain..

leaked through and covered me..

I'd do anything to have her to myself..

Just to have her for myself..

Now i dont know what to do..

I dont know what to do..

When she makes me sad..

She is everything to me..

The UnReQuited DrEaM..

A song that no one sings..

The UnAtTaInAbLe..

She's a myth that I have to believe IN..

All I need to make it REAL is one more reason..

I dont know what to do..

I dont know what to do..

When she makes me SAD..

But I wont let this build up inside of me..

I catch in my throat..

CHOKE..

Torn into PiEcEs..

I wont.. NO..

I dont want to be this..

But I wont let this BUILD up inside of me..

She ISN't Real...

I cant make her REAL...

lately, it seems as though i cant do anything right..

getting friends pissed for no reason, the guy you like does all he can possible to avoid you and for what reason dont know. job seems like they take advantage of all you do and want you to do more. with most of this, you need your friends there and they're no where around. with the world crashing in on you, your left standing there alone with your own shadow to help you out of the darkness. i want to cry but wont because i'm not beaten... just bruised.

what the fuck.. i'm always there for all these fuckers even if they dont want me to be.. but it always seems as though i've only got me. my dad always tells me to think of number 1 and fuck everyone else... but thats just not the person i am. i have the worst ((or best, however you want to view this)) fucking habit of putting all my friends before whats important. i almost hate it. my heart feels very heavy, sometimes i dont really understand why this is.

growing up it was always like this...i should have known then that this is how it would always be. always times when even screaming doesnt even help...i just want to tell everyone to FUCK OFF!! i'll find my way out of this shit, and it wont be any thanks to anyone but me.







Mood:hurt and disillusioned

Music:Phantom of the Opera... All i ask of you