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you try and be honest with a loved one and they immediately think your fucking around... whats worse.. being accused of doing something your not.. or doing something that you are accused of? i talked with an old friend i hadnt really talked to in so long and came home and told the fiancé.. and all of a sudden he acts like i fucked the guy. that bothers alot. he still talks to several of his ex's and at first i am ok.. but then i read a few of his messages to two of them and i was made to be the worst fucking whore and a meal ticket in one. i mean he said "i dont care if she fucks him as long as she helps with the rent..." how am i supposed to be there? today he brought up my ex and all we did was talk.. he didn't remember alot after his accident and asked me about some.. i didn't mention that to my fiancé because he's already thinking i did something that i haven't.. my past is where its gonna stay.. in the past. =( i prefer it that way. i wanted to be honest and i told him, cause people like to talk at work... and he would find out in a worst way.. so i told him myself. but.. i havent done anything wrong except talk to an old friend from childhood. i feel like i was wrong for even mentioning it at all. this sucks. cause now i feel like am being punished for trying to tell him. that hurts...

COMMENTS

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MyArmyLife
18:57 Jun 28 2010

No offense, but most people who accuse the other of cheating or get so defensive and overly protective of you talking to an ex when they do the same, is most likely cheating on you.

That's the way it's been done to me anyway, and every other female I know. They talk to a guy, the boyfriend gets pissed and it turns out he's cheating on her with an ex that she was okay with.

Not a good situation. And if all he wants you for is the rent, I say fuck it and let him pay his own goddamned rent. Get the hell out of dodge, girlie, and get out fast.

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Lost in the darkness, hoping for a sign.

Instead there is only silence,

can´t you hear my screams?

Never stop hoping,

Need to know where you are,

but one thing is for sure,

you´re always in my heart.



[Chorus:]

I´ll find you somewhere.

I´ll keep on trying until my dying day.

I just need to know whatever has happened,

the truth will free my soul.



Lost in the darkness, try to find your way home.

I want to embrace you and never let you go.

Almost hope you´re in heaven so no one can hurt your soul.

Living in agony cause I just do not know

where you are.



[Repeat chorus]



Wherever you are, I won´t stop searching.

Whatever it takes, I need to know.



[Repeat chorus]

well everything that could go wrong is going wrong and has gone wrong.



i wish for everytime someone made me feel like shit i could get like 10 dollars... fuck i would be a billionaire already.



i only want someone to listen to me when i am bothered by something that means a lot to me... or that people would know i'm not just freaking out over things for nothing. i have my reasons..

or just plain know me for me... instead of assuming what kind of a person i am.



this is bullshit... ugh... i just feel like fucking crying i'm so mad.



important things that matter to me is i dont like being lied to and i can always sense when someone is hiding shit from me and i never thought it would be the one man in this world that is supposed to love me... he goes running to his ex and to his female friends making me look like such a horrid person... i'm not bad like he makes me out to be. my closest friends and family will always tell you i am a sensitive person that only bitches when i means alot to me... after 2 years you think he would know this by now. =(



makes me feel like i cant be who i am. and i cant speak my mind about what hurts me. *sigh*

Sometimes I feel alone in a million crowd

An outsider wandering alone without

Any words to say

They can't explain

This power to overcome the pain

Feel the breath that's always getting away

Am I dreaming it all?

I will never be afraid



I'll survive in this nothing, leading nowhere

I survive, feeling strong for how much longer?

I'll survive in this nothing, leading nowhere

I survive



A voice inside of me

That keeps on teasing

As sweet as like a whisper from the lips of pain

And so many steps that I can't make

I can't take the chance, release the brake

And the breath just keeps on getting away

Am I dreaming it all?

I will never be afraid~