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Is this Real?03:33 Aug 05 2005
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I'm so...scared. I think I'm losing touch with reality, yet something tells me I'm not losing touch with -reality-, just losing touch with a covered up false reality, stepping into the cruel truth.
Me and my bf seem to be have troubles... Strange troubles. Things are happening that are new to me. And I can't really explain. I think if I were to try, I would come across as a scrambled, confused, lost little girl.
He blames himself. I can tell. It hurts me when he does this. I feel it's my fault. The blame belongs to none other than myself.
He says if it wasn't for my involvement with him, these things wouldn't be happening to me...
I say it's my choice, and he shouldn't feel guilty. I chose to be with him. If I wanted to, I could leave. But I chose to stay by his side, even if death surely follows.
I would die for him, no second thoughts.
He says if only he was stronger...
I say...if only -I- wasn't so weak and helpless...
Then maybe I could control when these things happen...stop them from happening at all...
He feels guilty when these things that happen cause him to lose control of his anger and emotions. He says if only he had more control. Yet I say I understand. Surely only
0.00000000000000000000000000000000001%
of the people that have ever lived in this entire universe would be able to have even as much control as he holds. For I believe he has much more control than most people I know.
.........I'm still scared though.....
I'm scared for him. I don't want anything to happen to him, and if something happens to me, I know he would be devasted, and I don't want him to have to go through that pain. For he has gone through enough...
I love him so much...
I just wish we could fly far away, somewhere safe and away from -everything-, and just be happy. Forever. Together. MiLove.... I miss you tonight, and I love you with every once of my trampled heart and weary soul. Nothing could -ever- change that.
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