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How I long to walk in your dark shadow
Have your arms around me when I cry
To feel your kiss on my cheek
To see those tears you shed for me when my heart was crumbling when I had to leave you.

Everyday I wake with a feeling of doom and dread. My personal life is falling apart and I feel I have lost you forever. The one man that makes me feel cared for. You used to chase me and now I’m chasing you. If I just don’t say anything to you will you even notice? Will you realize that i have disappeared. Will you come and talk to me? Will you chase me again? Will you forgive for that one time that I hurt you? Will you ever know how much I punish myself for it everyday and how much I wish I could undo that day.

I don’t even know what to say. No talks to me so I’m just gonna write. Have not heard from you since last Thursday. I asked a question I wish I never had because the ignorance would have been bliss, but I did. Not the answer I was hoping for but you said not to worry about so I’m trying not too, except your not saying anything. You made your presence known yesterday. You hearted my face and watched my story. I think that’s the universe saying everything is fine and just breathe and do you and he will come around. It’s hard because I miss you and I think I love you too. When I see your face I am hypnotized and when your arms were around me I felt protected and safe by my immortal knight, but you are silent still and I worry. Will I hear from you again or is this the end. If so tell me so that I am not wandering in the unknown and so that my heart can start to break. You are the only one of your kind, what if I don’t find anyone else like you. What will I do? I think I will have to wonder this earth and it’s night alone forever because after you can not think of anyone else.

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COMMENTS

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Neinmortlan
18:26 Oct 20 2018

love is such a powerful emotion

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YvonneMarie
06:30 Dec 03 2018

It is. I love him and there is a 99% I will never get a chance to love him the way I want to. It’s up to him now to let himself for romantically for me again. That’s what kills me is he did and I did something not meaning to be mean and it killed his romantic feelings. My heart brakes because I found my dark knight and now I may have lost forever at least in that way. I will never be able to open my heart like that again ever.

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Is it possible to care for someone but not miss them? I take being missed pretty hard and I feel if I’m not missed then I’m not thought of or I’m not anything special, but when I think of the memories I made and the pictures I see caring in that face so it must be there. Are there people that don’t think that being missed is a big deal? That you miss those closest to you, but that makes me feel unimportant, but at the same time closeness is something that can either be immediately or grows over time. Just like I already cared and for you it took finally being in person to then grow a caring for me. I don’t know, anyone?

COMMENTS

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Neinmortlan
07:20 Sep 23 2018

I'm in a long distance relationship but my life is often super busy and very active. While things are in "GO" mode, I can barely think of anything else. It's when things wind down and it's kinda quiet that I think on our relationship and miss her. Unfortunately, things pick up again and hours turn to days turn to weeks. So, I think what you're describing is possible... maybe more true when lives are complicated by time and distance.
Hope that makes sense.

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YvonneMarie
02:10 Sep 24 2018

Thank you for this. There is distance for sure and even distance in the messages he sends back to me, but he does things he didn’t before I met him. At least once a week, even though he does speak his presence is on my social media. His activity on it is more then before I met him. Sometimes I want to not text at all and see how long it takes for him to say something to me, but I’m afraid to do so.

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Neinmortlan
02:34 Sep 24 2018

I'd comment on her posts. Then I'd comment again... eventually I wondered if I never wrote something, would she just stop messaging me. I then would get busy again and days slipped into weeks... so now she says we haven't really communicated in a year. I think that's impossible because I see her pics and posts so much that I know an awful lot about her for not having talked in so long... but maybe she is right? Some things aren't meant to be?

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YvonneMarie
23:41 Sep 28 2018

I also have severe anxiety; I just really want to be his and
I can tell by his actions that he cares but at the same time I don’t want to get my hopes up because if or when he chooses someone else then it won’t hurt as much, it will still hurt like hell though that is for sure, but the future is uncertain and everyone says to focus on doing me.

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