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oh wot a weekend i have had. just got back from visiting my friend in barrow, whent up for her birthday as i surprise, and my god was she, it was really good fun. stayed it this really dodgy hotel tho so that was an experiance lol



it was all a bit of a last minute thing tho so at abot lunchtime on sat i was running around tryin to get some stuff together to go, and get her a card and prezzie it was madness. well worth it tho.



so just got home and im am so tired i could sleep for a week

these days im not so sure wot i want anymore i used to, i used to be so sure about everything my life my loves everything and now for some reason im all confused it just dosen't make any sense. some would ask wot has happened, some significant event that has made my life a little less organized, but there is nothing, no majour anything. so what, have i been kidding myself have i made a life that i dont really want. or is there more to it? is it fate, is fate telling me that there is more to my life than iv got.

oh god i have had the most hectic day not stopped since i opened my eyes at helf seven this morning. rite now i just want to veg its exhausting movin furniture and junk around.

well thats another day over. been really busy really but at the same time i haven't done anything much.its strange how i find myself waiting for someone i dont really no. lookin to see if they want to talk. its not logical and its not like me, i dont connect well with people i never have and to feel so drawn to a person i hardly no seems sane. all very confusing and strange.

think the headline says it all. to wake up and have an argument is quite an achievement. i wasn't aware you could start the fight in your sleep but aparently you can. god it buggs me. wish i was a milion miles away from here i dont care where as long as im not here all would be well. but like that is ever going to happen i cant even get away from this place for a few days let alone forever. well back to the mundane ness of my life.

wen do you find the person you are meant to be with? how do you find them? and wot if you might have found them but your not sure. argh so confusing. i no im not searching but i cant help but look sometimes i think i will remain alone forever, maybe thats not a bad thing could anyone cope with me anyway, i would guess not.

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Lestat4now
17:35 Nov 21 2009

There will be someone who can 'cope' with you. Be patiant. YOu are not as bad as you think.

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i finally think iv had enough i just cant take anymore. i need some help or something, i feel so depressed i just dont no wot to do. i spend so much time alone and that i dont mind but its wen the family come home and expect me to be happy and i just cant do it i dont want to tyalk to them i dont even want to be around them. is there somethin wrong with me am i just going mad. i really wish just one of them would understand. i had a strange dream last night i was with a man but i dont no him all i really remember is being terified he would leave me. very strange. like i said think i need help.

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Lestat4now
17:37 Nov 21 2009

I think that's normal, everyone goes through things like that. I understand about the parents thing, they never realise you're UNHAPPY though, you have to cut them a bit of slack.

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well im now another year older. i guess i should start to get some clarification on life and maybe a little perspective but somehow i dout anything will change. i really wish someone would explain these things to me, sometimes i feel so alone its like im in my own little world that noone else understands. i wish just once i could be understood i mean really. to just be myself without the fear of being laughed at or told im not normal. i wish things would change.