The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

naps are good they clear my mind

help me think

help answers come to me



i seen enough movies and read enough books, when you feel like you have to hide its because you know its wrong



when your worried your actions will cause you to lose something you don't want to lose you know its wrong



and i know its wrong



i'm going to do whats right because i'm not that girl



i don't want to be that girl



either do whats right with me or don't but i wont be a party to what i feel i have to hide



just be my friend please

Mentally......

Physically.......

emotionally......





Tired

Love or lust

I say it doesn't matter

maybe it should but it doesn't

because we are not meant to be, if we were it would have been so for so many years

it wouldn't cost so much, so much hurt, so much pain and so many people

What i want i can not have, because i wont pay the price that is demanded of me

i cant do it again

i may never have with someone else, what i had with you, that kind of feeling is a once in a lifetime



I will do the best i can for my daughter but i have to do whats best for me too, at least what i think is best, because that's all i can do



Whats best for her is to have us both in her life and hopefully we can do that as friends



She is the best of us, the most beautiful part of us, she lives as a constant reminder for me of what we were at one point and i love her all the more for it



i'm sorry that i cant give you what you want, i honestly don't know what to do and i pray that i don't hurt you while i figure it out.



I know only that i want you to be a part of my life, just not the part that you want to be

i find myself dreaming strange dreams

waking with them still swirling in my mind



in then i am justifying my actions

telling myself "its ok you did that because of this"



in my waking reality i don't even try to lie to myself

i admit it is wrong and resolve to do better....

but eventually i have to sleep...

will my subconscious keep my resolve?

it's always a good day when a cute stranger calls me beautiful..... :)

All a relationship is is give and take



how much each gives and takes is supposed to be equal



maybe it is equal, but it doesn't feel that way to each individual?



mixed signals are often sent, by either party or outside influence



i see out side influence as how i believe its "supposed" to be, but maybe my version of how it's supposed to be is wrong



Whose to say whats right and whats wrong, who gets to draw those lines?



some say if relationships are meant to be they would come easily to us, others say if you don't have to fight for it, it isn't worth having....



it's all so confusing.......



should it be easy?

should it be hard?



some times its both.... some times its couldn't be easier others it feels like a struggle ....



just taking it one day at a time.....



forcing myself to slow down, enjoy what i have and not focus on what i don't....



Its so easy to get greedy and want it all, feel like i deserve it all.....



i know i don't .....



Maybe i should have named this "learning to be content"?



i think i went off topic.... my thoughts are so jumbled.....



i like putting them into words, i can write them down and put them away, and their no longer plaguing my mind

COMMENTS

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Slain
02:40 Jun 23 2012

Stop reading my journals... LOL...



you sound like realization is sweeping over you.



Hmm hmm.

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I don't know what the hell i ate, but it did NOT agree with me :(

sometimes i really hate video games.......