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I dont want you to have to see me like this i dont want you to see him like this either but here we are as we grow together in our life together I dont want to loose you is the first thing you say when find the first thing out then we find the second out then we find the third fourth and the fith and the sixth and the seventh eighth and now the nineth the nith hurts the worst for us both it says hay you watch him go or have him watch you go will see what the universe decide as time goes by but you know what have him watch you both deteriate away and suffer each day let his mind torment him let him love you both with all his heart and watch you go slowly not knowing where or when could be it but also knowing if you ever have more kids they now have a flip of a coins chance at the same fate and if he goes father and has his own the same fate starts all over again and then his other half is sitting just like you tour brain won't let you sleep easy it tears you apart it tells you you won't see this to the end like youd like to ha ha ha he says universe why do you finally let me see happiness get a family get were I always wanted to be but now have to see death standing at the door ripping them out of my arms embrace with the look on their face as you pull them away arms reaching out as far as them short arms can to not let go but its to late he won't let me have the love we shared no more he won't let me put a smile on you guys face no more he won't let me celebrate another year together with earther of you a birthday a holiday a celebration a home made meal a movie a game night singing and dancing playing with toys drawing helping with home work putting away toys going on special outing to fun places concerts having what he calls a rock and jam day at home and not having more kids and a wedding for us or him im just sitting here with the dogs and cats we have all alone again like this was just a brief dream for the past several years now im awake again with nothing I turn on my Pokémon game and try to play as the tears fall down I curle up in my bed I took days off to grieve but it wasn't enough for my head to heal or even my heart my eyes burn my head hurts my stomach aches from the pain of you guys gone its so bad I have a panic attack I call my doc to try to get help he says take a warm bath rest your head get some sleep I haven't done that in weeks because it keeps reliving them being pulled away in front of me when I try to sleep I normally warm you up at night I tried freezing a pillow and hold it tight to sleep saying here you go let me warm you up but it didn't work so here I am feeling like your near by reaching out but I can't hear your words just see your hand extending out I said I never wanted to see things from the other side but id do anything to to see you both from the other side next to me I walk into his room I hear toys slamming it was the dogs searching for crumbs you left I hear bags being moved and its the cat licking a bag I hear steps in the other room but its the boys running back and forth I go back to his room to see a few things moved a book layed out for bed and a sippy cup I start to cry as I hear can you read me a bed time story daddy and can you read me two no three daddy dont forget my light come on hunny let's get him all cozzied in bed ill fill your sippy cup real quick and then let's all read a bed time story I can't I can't do this I can't be alone I can't remember I can not hear this is not what I wanted I call my mom to tell her I can't I need to know what to do she says its different for each person what do you want to do come help me im lost without them I can't take it anymore im broken again left with a house full of his thing her things what little of mine is left and the pets and now just sadness and pain everyday and night in my forever home with out my forever family

dying on the inside scence the day anything begain with my life the inside of me is slowly dieing away as everything hurts everything falls apart the pain the ice cold ice pick stabbing me to the bone dying dying on the inside all my life slowly with a rareity the pain that persists the organs that fail the more that goes and I can't complain because as I keep dying so are you my little toddler just like me me like you dying two together hopefully not one before the other hopefully you go far farther than me and hopefully I go further for the time being and if I dont im sorry as my kidney goes my liver goes as my bones hurt as everything aches as my stomach hurts as my body fails me as you watch me fall trying to heal what can't ever be fixed from the start you are doing the almost very same thing right in front of me and if at this moment your not their just yet your watching your future unfold before your eyes and your future child's life my grandchild or even grandchildren as the cycle repeats over and over again im dying inside but so are you so I can not even complain if you can stand it I can too you are even smaller than me as I look at you I see my past unfold in front of my eyes again and I know one day you will be looking forwards but also back at the same time and its trippy your dying inside im dying inside and we can't change or cure what's happed and happening so here we go around and around again im sorry but I love you to the end whomever is first im still sorry you unknowingly got this from me as I unknowingly got this from mine as well and ill keeping fighting to see another day with you till the end of no more days and when I go I hope you go past my go time and if you go before me im very sorry so very sorry and ill remind you I love you for this fight we fight together from start to finish everyday of our lives till the day we dye because we're dying on the inside and our inside is dying with us everyday
so let's try to stay fighting fighting till the end of time let's beat time together

COMMENTS

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aquababy62sheart
00:12 Mar 06 2026

I wanted poems that lasted a lifetime even if we cant

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