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Today I become a spook, a phantom. White? Ofcourse. Gliding in the air, touching people, not seen. Maybe as a slight fog. Whispering "booooh" in the ears of people. Visisting them in the night. Pulling ears and noses. Shall I be a friendlu spook like Casper? Or a bully? Can I change my mood know vevery day? Can a sppok change its form? from big too small? Can I go through walls now? No barriers left or walls who can stop me?

I've so nuch to learn now, a whole different life I get. Can a spook fall in love? Can I be seen now by my loved ones? If i have brains don't they fall out of my body? LOL, its confusing me already like my appearance to others.

Is there a spook-club? A coven-spook, or spook-coven. Can my mistress give me orders now?

I stop babbling now and spook now.

Have a nice spooky day and if you see fog its maybe me :)

Today I met the father of a former collegue who commit suicide on the evening before christmas.

This collegue hang himself. And when he doesn't show up at his elder-home they went to his home to take a look in his house. They found him there. This is a little about his background.

I ask the father how he goes. And directly he start telling about his son and that he and his wife still didn't understand why he did it. That my collegue, their son, had everything. Loving parents, always ready to listen to him, good friends, a little towncommunity where every knows each other. A beach where he and his son sometimes walked. Never he had known that this could happen. Oké, it seems he could not make easy contact with other people and he could not easy express himself, but he had every oppertunity to walk or talk with everybody.

He was a closed boy, not easy to understand, but this ....?

He told me much more, the same with different words.

At last I asked him how many people are there who are really ask your son how he felt not just as a formality but really because who he was. Was there the feeling that he was accepted because he was loved? That he could say and feel what he want and how he want?

Not only passive, give the other the oppertunity, but activ, asking and let the other notice that you are interested in him?

Not to blame the father, understand me well.

Its more for myself, had I give attention? Had I notice that there was a person who want some human contact? Did I do the right things?

I dont know, I shell never know for my collegue.

But I know one thing for sure. I still live often to easy next to people I don't notice. Its good to realise that my way of living give the other the change and oppertunity to approch me. That it is my duty as a human to asked, really interested, how this person feel and give him or her the change to say something about himself. To encourage the other to be open. To give the feeling that there is a oppertunity to make friends. I still have a lot to learn.

And it make me clear that after three years his parents are still dealing with the death of their son. Still not understanding why it happened. If they had the oppertunity to prevent it. In daily live they where prisoners of this event. Never got the right answer, always wondering why.

And really it where nice people who want to love the other, who want to be good parents. But closed, they could not express themself. They could not talk about feelings.

I felt sorry for them. A never ending story for them.

Is it possible that a vegetarion is a bloodlover?

I read it somewhere on VR. I like that type of humor.

How many times I say:

I love your profile, a 10.

and that is true, it's not a lie.

but even a 10 is rather cheap.



It's not your pictures,

not the words you used.

Not the websites you are on.

Not how others think about you.



What me hit and reach my heart

is, as an unknown (yes, you)

tell me her/his story in "own words".

and then I read "life"and a claim to "live".

But often a cry to be loved, through sorrow and trough tears.

To find a place foe her/his own.



So now I wish you all the good that excist.

More then you can dream or imagine.

Not in the dark but in the light.

Not with blood but now with love.

Not a bite but with a kiss of friendship.

So if I say: "goodbye and wish you luck, a 10"

I mean all above and more!

There is truth,

is there more then one truth?

Yes, you say, there is more then one truth,

it depends to what side you are looking at.



No, I say, there is one truth,

and many opinions about truth.

Many opinions are not complete about truth to deal with truth.

Opinions are often what is useful for you.

There is always ONE truth, or no truth at all.

If I ask to someone what is 5*2,

everybody will answer "10".

If I ask how you feel you will say "good".



Which answer is ALWAYS correct?

I had a thought last night to save the world.

But I forgot what it was.

You know, there is so much uncertaintly and fear.

A lot of people think that others don't like them. That they are ugly or fat or stupid.

Those people are hiding themselves. Think the other is right. When those thoughts are formed in their childhood those persons became a shadow of what they can be. Beautiful people, young or old, that doesn't matter. Every individual is worth to be seen, to be heard, to be loved.

Today I met a nice young woman. A beautiful young woman. A dearest friend. She had lost faith in herself. Her father always told her she was stupid. She was always told she did the things wrong, from cleaning up till cooking. How she dressed herself, how she looked. Never heard she did the right things. Never met love and she never felt accept.

She became a goth. She took tattoos and piercings. Was dressed in black and a lot of layers make-up. But she still has lost her self-confidence. She thought she was a nobody. Not accepted by her family and herself.

She was a sweatheart. A heart of gold. You must love her when you know her.

With little children she was herself and they loved her. The parents where afraid.

She lost the will to live. Disappointed by parents and friends. Her friends could not deal with her, always a low image of herself, always thinking she was a nothing.

I met her at a party, So looked sad and lonely. I began a conversation. But there where no words to be said. There are such moments.

The only thing I could do was sitting with her and put my arm around her shoulder, many times. Say nothing. Share those moments together in silence and only my arm around her shoulder.

After about a few weeks we know each other better, learn each other trough silence. She start talking, first a little. I said nothing, what could I say? But in her talking about her situation she discovered the truth. At least she could speak without interruption.

She discovered how value she was, how unique her thoughts where. She was the only person with that face and body. Nobody is like her.



I've learned a lot from her. A unique person. I love her. She is my friend. Close friends. Soulmates.

I'm glad she excist and give me her friendship and warmth, and further to those who needs it.

She grows in value and warmth, I need her.

Out of the collision of meanings, well up the truth.



Let me know, false or true.

I shall give you also my opinion.

I read many profiles who are

"UNDER CONSTRUCTION"





When I talk with you

When I learn from you

Or given a message back

It means:



My life is "UNDER CONSTRUCTION".