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WELL STILL WAITING ON AN ANSWER FROM MY BOYFRIEND. I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING FROM HIM IN ALONG TIME AND I AM STILL WONDERING IF WE ARE TOGETHER OR NOT I HOPE THAT WE ARE BUT WHO KNOWS ANYMORE EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO SEE AND TALK TO HIM MORE THAN I DO AND THAT IS WHAT IS FUCKED UP BIGTIME. WELL I HAVE BEEN WRITTING HIM AND TELLING HIM TO CALL OR COME OVER AND HE STILL HAS DONE NOTHING MAKES ME WONDER IF I AM NOT IN THIS RELATIONSHIP BY MYSELF I DON'T KNOW WHAT DO U ALL THINK AM I STUPID FOR WAITING EVEN SINCE I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM BIGTIME I HAVE WAITED A MONTH IN A HALF AND IT IS SUPPOSSED TO ALL BE BETTER BY JULY 20TH WHICH IS TODAY SO WE WILL SEE IF HE SHOWS UP OR NOT. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH THAT IT ISN'T FUNNY BUT HOW MUCH CAN ONE TAKE? RIGHT NOW I HAVE NO ANSWER FOR THAT QUESTION SOMEONE TRY TO ANSWER THAT ONE FOR ME AND GET BACK AT ME. I AM ABOUT TO BLOW MY BRAINS OUT THE BACK OF MY HEAD AND JUST END EVERYTHING THEN MAYBE MY LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER AND I WOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH AS MUCH AS I DO AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE I MEAN I AM 22 AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH EVERYTHING THAT A 50YR OLD HAS BEEN THROUGH AND THAT IS WHAT IS FUCKED UP. I HAVE SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH ME AND ALL I WANT IS FRIENDS AND NOONE WILL TALK TO ME AND I AM GOING CRAZY WITH NOONE TO TALK TO SORRY IF U ARE GETTING BORED BUT THIS IS A JOURNAL AND I AM JUST TELLING U HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. SORRY

LIFE WAS SO GOOD TO ME TODAY! I GOT TO SEE MY MAN TODAY AND IT WAS GREAT I WISHED THAT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LONGER BUT IS ALRIGHT ATLEAST I GOT TO SEE HIM AND I AM ALOT CALMER NOW HE JUST MAKES ME IN A BETTER MOOD JUST BYE SEEING HIM AND HE MAKES ME LAUGH ALL THE TIME AND MAKES ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF ALL THE TIME HE HAS NEVER SAID ANYTHING WRONG ABOUT ME AT ALL I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND I HOPE THAT WE GET TO BE TOGETHER ONCE AGAIN AND HOPEFULLY SOON CAUSE I NEED HIM RIGHT NOW AND CAN'T HAVE HIM. THAT DAY WILL BE THE SHIT AND I WILL NEVER FORGET IT CAUSE IT IS GOING TO BE JUST LIKE THE DAY HE CAME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND THEN ASKED ME OUT AT THE BAR THAT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE I FELT SO LUCKY TO GET HIM CAUSE I DIDN'T EVEN THINK THAT HE LIKED ME BUT WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOR TWO MONTHS JULY 21 AND IT IS AWESOME JUST WISH THAT I COULD SEE HIM MORE THAN I DO AND THAT HURTS BUT I AM STICKING WITH HIM CAUSE I LOVE HIM. SORRY FOR BORING ALL U BUT I AM JUST WRITTING MY FEELINGS DOWN AND AFTER THE LAST FEW MONTHS OF MY LIFE WITH EVERYONE DYING I AM JUST GOING CRAZY AND JUST WANT TO WRITE IT DOWN AND THIS IS THE PLACE. LATER EVERYONE

ME AND MY FRIEND WIGGY WERE SITTING IN MY ROOM AND WE WERE TALKING AND SHE GOT A PHONE CALL AND IT WAS OUR FRIEND TASHA AND SHE CALLED TO TELL US THAT OUR FRIEND JERAMAHIA GOT INTO A RECK LAST NIGHT AND WENT THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD AND DIED AND HE WASN'T JUST A FRIEND TO ME HE WAS FAMILY JUST LIKE A BROTHER TO ME AND I AM NOT TAKING IT WELL AND ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR MY MANS VOICE AND I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT NOW CAUSE I CAN'T GET AHOLD OF ME NOONE IS ANSWERING THE PHONE AT HIS HOUSE AND THAT SUCKS CAUSE HEARING HIS VOICE WOULD MAKE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER I JUST SAW JERAMAHIA A MONTH AGO AND I WISH THAT I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE HIM BEFORE HE PASSED AWAY CAUSE NOW I HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE AT HIS FUNERAL AND THAT IS GOING TO KILL ME. WELL FOR NOW THIS IS GOODBYE UNTILL NEXT TIME THAT I WRITE. BYE EVERYONE THAT READS THIS. AND WHOEVER READS THIS THANKS FOR READING AND I HOPE I DIDN'T BORE YOU. LIF EJUST SUCKS FOR ME RIGHT NOW AND I WISH THAT I WASN'T EVEN ALIVE LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER IF I WAS DEAD I THINK. THEN MY HEART COULDN'T BE HURT SO MUCH AND AT THE SAME TIME. TOO MUCH GOING ON ALL THE TIME IN MY LIFE. LATER

TODAY WAS AWESOME. I GOT TO SEE MY MAN FOR A FEW MINUTES SO THAT MADE MY DAY AND HE TOLD ME THAT HE DOES WANT TO BE WITH ME AND THAT HE ISN'T CHEATING ON ME SO THAT EVEN MADE ME HAPPIER THAN ANYONE COULD MAKE ME HAPPY JUST TO HEAR THOSE WORDS COME OUT OF HIS MOUTH. I MISS HIM SO MUCH I JUST WISH THAT THINGS WERE LIKE THEY WERE WHEN HE WAS HERE WITH ME THEN EVERYTHING WAS OK. I AM SORRY IF I AM BORING PEOPLE WITH MY LIFE BUT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT DON'T READ IT CAUSE I CAN REALLY CARE LESS WHAT ANYONE THINKS ABOUT ME CAUSE RIGHT NOW WITH ALL OF MY FRIENDS FUCKING ME OVER I COULD CARE LESS ABOUT EVERYTHING ANDI JUST MISS MY MAN I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM IT AIN'T EVEN FUNNY AND I JUST WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH HIM IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FOR WHEN WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ALMOST TWO MONTHS AND WE HAVE ONLY SPENT TWO WEEKS TOGETHER WHAT WOULD YOU BEING DOING? PROBABLY THE SAME THING I AM DOING AND ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT IT SO THAT YOU WOULDN'T GO INSAINE AND DO SOMETHING STUPID. WELL HE SAID THAT WE WOULD BE TOGETHER VERY SOON SO I HOPE THAT HAPPENS. WELL LATER TO YOU ALL AND HAVE A NICE NIGHT OR DAY. BETTER DAYS AND MORE LAYS. PEACE OUT!

well i was going to go to hog waller friday but my man wanted me to stay home and go stay with him so i stayed home and he didn't even call me or nothing so i went to the bar but couldn't even get a buzz cause i was high as hell off of some shit and it was boring as hell at the bar there was noone there cause they were all at hog waller and i wanted to go home at midnight but my mom asked me to stay. i am really missing my boyfriend mike and it is driving me insaine not being able to see him but i am hanging on it is so hard not seeing him but i am so in love with him that it is unreal and if i lose him i will never trust another man again cause i am sick of losing people that i care so much about and my heart can't handle it anymore i have been so deppressed that i had to take a deppression pill yesturday cause all i wanted to do is cry all day and night cause i want him to come and see me. well sorry for making u all listen to me cry but i miss and love mike and i don't think that he realizes how much i really do care about him and i feel like he don't even want to be with me anymore and i know that he does but that is just my deppression taking over. talk to u when i write again in here. thanks everyone for listening it helps to get it off of my chest and my journal is the only place that i know that i can write it down at and get it out without going crazy. later everyone. Peace. I love Mike.

I AM GOING TO A THING THAT THEY HAVE HERE IN INDIANA EVERY YEAR ON THE WEEKEND OF THE 4TH AND IT IS CALLED THE HOG WALLER AND I HAVE HEARD MANY MANY STORIES ABOUT THIS PLACE AND IT IS GOING TO BE THE SHIT. YOU GET DRUNK AS FUCK DO ALL KINDS OF DRUGS AND SEE ALL KINDS OF STUFF I THINK THAT I AM GOING TO GET MY EYE BROW PIERCED THIS WEEKEND IT IS GOING TO BE GREAT I WILL WRITE ABOUT IF AFTER THIS WEEKEND I JSUT CAN'T WAIT TO GET THERE TOMORROW. I HOPE MY MAN GOES WITH ME WE WOULD HAVE SO MUCH FUN