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i am runnin' from the past that slowly follows near by. behind every wall or corner it will be there to remind me of my faults and mistakes i have made along the way of self discovery. I just can't hide or embrace what it has waiting for me cause i can't face it. they was stupid mistakes i could've avoided by just using my head not my heart. My heart can't stand the pain i have caused it. i wish i could start all over but in life, there is no rewind button. I hate my emenies. damn to hell and back cause they don't know the pain and the shame they have brought upon me. so in order to caome at peace with my past i have to face it but i can't so i'll keep runnin' till it catches me.

well i survived another day of seeing my ex. it really struck me yesterday when i seen him cause i had to go in my room and cry for awhile but i am now fine again. as long i don't see him then i'm cool. i know it has been going on two years since we broke up but it still effects

case all those memories we had made together are now being brought back up from my memories when i see him cause part of me is still in love with him. that part i love so much is now slowly dieing in front of my eyes,it hurts to realize that he and i wasted a whole year for nothing. we could've made it but we died well only his love did. my love for him is still going strong for him with each time i see him it gets stronger but now i am focusing my attention on another but he is locked up till the 18 or 19th of next month. so sad for me but he will survive being locked up cause he had been locked up before

well my old friend can't reach my journal here so i can be mostly frank on what i have to say so that is so cool.

well... so far i had a crappy day. this morning i fought with my mother about my ex... come on my ex. i really woke up on the wrong side of the bed. i walked to school and i missed breakfast then people had been hasling me all day. so i hope my weekend is better and with monday off i'll be able to relax.

i am so pist that my friend went to jail. he was being stupid as usual so stupidy isn't a crime so he can't be punished for that.

many nights i stay up wondering why i feel so different. i don't belong here in this world cause i feel so lost in my own life. i don't know anyone like i should. i have been forsaken for this place that have taken pleasure in giving me pain. i feel only right around certain people. why me? why have you forsaken me to this world that doesn't want me here with them.