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ishta's Journal


ishta's Journal

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12 entries this month
 

The Voices

23:05 Sep 20 2007
Times Read: 753


Not Emotionless.

Emotions burn my mind, plague my heart, ruin my soul. Keep them on lock down. Don't let anyone see. Thats the route to pain. Cover it up with a smile, don't let him see. He will break you. He will cut the already tenuous strings holding you to this life. Hate him. Let him see that. Cover it up with a scowl. Bury it deep inside. Never let it out. Never let your guard down. Keep hidden behind the mask. You know what will happen. You see it everyday. He will break you apart. He doesn't care. You're just a girl. Just one single girl. No chance. The odds are against you. Keep the barriers up. I'll hint at it like droplets of water seeping through, pushed by the torrent of the vast dam of emotions. No. Hate him. Let nothing show. He will break you. Don't let him know. Ignore him. He'll break you. You're nothing to him. Its a game. Don't put yourself through it. Let him give up. Let him leave. Good.

Emotions plague my mind, ruin my heart, burn my soul. The dam give way. The tears stream. My heart pounds in my chest. I sweat. I shake. I'm weak. I'm Stupid. I failed. I'm frozen. I love you. I die.


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Half of me

22:52 Sep 20 2007
Times Read: 750


Precious gifts

Endless cycle

The living rot

Drink to death

let the children watch

Selfish Bastard

Lazy twat

Fucking Asshole

Black Lungs

Grey Matter

Deaf and Blind

Liver

Cancerous

Treacherous

Give one more day to the dying

Lying cold

Like ice

Blue green

Black purple

Heroes become weak

How did this happen

No one stopped it

Never spoke up

You're letting us down

Breaking our hearts

Breaking our lives

And still no one say stop. Enough

STOP!

Haunted by the dead

Terrorised by the dying

Hurry up and

Leave so i can

Have my life back

So i can live without

Tears without pain

Without harsh words

Without a Father


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Loner

22:42 Sep 20 2007
Times Read: 752


Baa baa black sheep sitting all alone,

You got no friends,

They're a means to an end.

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Clone

22:41 Sep 20 2007
Times Read: 753


You're following the herd

An outift rebel

Proceeding to swallow up every last word

You're under that spell

Daddy never loved you

Mommy doesn't care

You don't know it but you're another face in the crowd

You're Unimportant

Stuck under your clothes

Trapped in a job

chained by your gender

wrapped in your race

clouded by your religion

controlled by your hate

Screaming so loud

tearing through people

Negative comments

You know best

That way is wrong

Hate me now

Follow me always

outward savage

hiding a crying child

SHUT YOUR MOUTH

WE'VE HEARD IT ALL BEFORE

YOUR SILLY LITTLE RANT


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I wish it was all that easy

22:36 Sep 20 2007
Times Read: 754


You're lost in the embrace,

Like another rotted love poem.

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Every night the questions pour out

22:34 Sep 20 2007
Times Read: 755


Is there a heaven?

Will i see my mom again

How long until Dads body starts to shut down?

What happens when Dad dies?

Will i be able to care for the kids?

Arrange the funeral?

What happens if the kids are taken away?

What will i do?

Fight?

Who gives me these thoughts?

Who makes me feel this way?

Why do i feel like this?

Is there someone out there for me?

Will i get married?

Will i have kids of my own?

Am i gay?

When will i die?

Where will i go?

Would it be painful?

Are you aware when you're dead and buried?

Is there an afterlife?

Will i be reincarnated?

Have i already been reincarnated?

Who was i in my past lives?

Will i see my Mom again?

Is there a Heaven?

will i go to Hell?


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Black Dreamscape

16:30 Sep 20 2007
Times Read: 759


come away with me, into the shadows of this world, let us run away and never return to the lives we once lived

i shall run away with you fleeing memories and past sins in hope that in the darkness we might find a longing and a hope that was denied us in our past lives.

and upon wings of ravens black as sin we shall fly away into the twilight, the sky shall be ours darkling, never again shall we feel pain or longing for anything other than eachother. Let us leave behind these blood stained fields of hearthache, let our pale skin reflect the full moon.

And as we gaze up into her velvet mist watch as the star with their promise of eternity bless us with the light so that we may cast down our burdens and engulf ourselves in the primal passions of a world once shunned and forgotten and that now burns within our hearts engulfing encompassing, like a catacylismic shockwave.

and in my black embrace i shall hold thee, and as reality engulfs us as a raging inferno, i shall protect thee, i will be thy armour. And as we are plunged into the abyss of a world broken and forgoten, i shall fold my dark arms above you love. I can see the fire beneath your skin, your burning passion, as we are lost within the mists of time.

And as you hold me close protecting my body guarding my soul i will stand by you and cling to your heat as i look up into your eyes i see the fear of the unknown see the reality, there is no hope for us here, what binds us now is our never failing trust and raptured hearts as we drown as we fall through the murky depths through the gloom of this our reality one thing we need to do, get out of this life.


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In this place

16:24 Sep 20 2007
Times Read: 760




It's so cold in this house

Come and show me how it was




And though you're gone, i live with you inside of myself, a place where those events never happened a place where i saved you. In this place i have the power to heal you, to cure your sadness, to take you away from the abhorence of humanity. And in this place you love me, you love me with passion, with honesty, with never ending faith. A love that does not struggle or ponders its existence, because you are safe in the knowledge that i will protect you, that i will never let you down. That i saved you.

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I don't want to live like this anymore

16:22 Sep 20 2007
Times Read: 761




And she said, is this sanity? The internal conflict, living how we should and not by how we feel. Not giving into the buzzing inside of the mind the push in your muscles, not to give into whims and folly. Take a step back and look around become a piece of scenery, not an individual, line up, shoulders straight, stare ahead look down and feel pity, glance behind and be disconnected from the flow. look sideways and jump fall from grace and the law of man.locked up in a cell, no food and water darkness just small glimmers of light from those who walk by, looking ahead. So you chose to follow in step straight ahead only wondering if you haven't already jumped whether all sense of clarity has been stolen and this is your madness, to follow the herd always looking ahead. Sanity over freedom? Depends whether you were ever sane at all.

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Little Black Book

11:05 Sep 19 2007
Times Read: 761


Rachael

• Ricky

• Lee

• Ped

Gareth

• Matthew

• Robert

• Craig

• Peter

Leanne

Angie

Some girl from Fugs

Guy in the car

Samantha

Jenny

Michelle

Stacey

• Tom

• Michael


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Unwanted

09:37 Sep 19 2007
Times Read: 766


He sits in the room, no light, no water, no warmth.

He lies on the mattress, damp and dirty.

He looks across the floor, newspapers, plastic bags, tin cans, syringes.

His gaze wanders up along the faded and falling wallpaper, the crumbling paintwork and cobwebs.

Upto the window, crack and broken.

Clouded skies, no stars shine, no moon to chase away the darkness.

Glancing at the shattered clock he watches it as the minute hand moves up to the hour, midnight.

He picks up the telephone, dials the number, the call connects.

He says in a timid hushed and broken voice

"Its my birthday today. I'm 12"

He listens for a reply, for some human contact.

"At the tone the time will be 0 hours and 37 seconds"


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Who Am I?

10:19 Sep 07 2007
Times Read: 781


On 23:08:25 Apr 20 2006 GlassWhispers wrote:



your lips are more beautiful than a mid summers night eve



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On 23:27:34 Apr 20 2006 ishta wrote:



Thank you for the best compliment i've had in my life.




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On 23:29:53 Apr 20 2006 GlassWhispers wrote:



to examine yourself, and what it is you like , need, and crave outside of the materialistic world, is when we truly realize how to feel alive.



there are so many layers that just beg to be unfolded like a rose upon your body.

you are a blank canvas..soft, clean, and delicate.....

but yet to find that spark which will ignite your entire world.



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On 23:37:44 Apr 20 2006 ishta wrote:



A canvas longs for a master studied in the immortal verses coupled with a deep and indescribable hole that cannot for all eternity be filled only covered when he lays his hands down in defeat and lets his sorrows and darkness fill the empty canvas to empty his heart into its everlasting and longing yearning to be touched and moulded into something that many admire but only one desires and understands the truth with which he has crafted from the doors in his mind that remain forever locked.




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On 23:40:24 Apr 20 2006 GlassWhispers wrote:



absolutely beautifuly worded....a female who is delicious in both body and mind.

there are many tainted things that could be spilled from this mind when i gaze upon you, though they will forever remain a secret, to keep you from being stained




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On 23:48:55 Apr 20 2006 ishta wrote:



Thank you seems your words bring out something in me.



And the canvas being what it is must be stained with the artists darkest secrets touching the canvas in fear of the monster that he may create, that he will forever taint this whitest of form and thus will transpire a great horror turning light into dark breaking the will of angels. But for all his fears and comtempaltive ministrations the one thing that he would never think is the desires and secrets that lie within the grains of the canvas hidden in pale virtue. Those secrets that long to be brushed away and painted over with the frustrations and fears of other to become more to become beautiful and forever hide beneath the palette of their tortured master.




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On 23:53:47 Apr 20 2006 GlassWhispers wrote:



princess, you are most delicious. beauty, and intelligence...something which i crave.

to lay you upon a bed of roses would be sweeter than lady night time lifting her skirt for the sun to peek through




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On 23:58:04 Apr 20 2006 ishta wrote:



And i would happily lay beside you and be shrouded in nights heavy veil and touch the darkness thats lies within you and recoil back at the electricity felt there within.




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On 00:00:38 Apr 21 2006 GlassWhispers wrote:



i wonder if you know your talents ..the way you twist and turn this way and that.

you are incredibly erotic.




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On 00:08:07 Apr 21 2006 ishta wrote:



One beautiful mind coupled with another bathing in erotic bliss within a monochrome world mind touching mind every nerve electric to touch skin a wash with unquenchable desire eyes fire filled pools of desire lips quivering with wanton lust waiting for a moments contact two beautiful minds would be fitted as one like the artist and his canvas, like the author and his sonnet, like hope and longing like the moon and the stars forever connected through all eternity





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On 00:11:38 Apr 21 2006 GlassWhispers wrote:

....now i must admit, that you have the unatural ability to make me rather.....

aroused, to put it politely.






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