The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

might as well be comotose. seriously. i am a freaking blank canvas. i have nothing to fucking do. i dont know what to do with my time. i guess i could be drawing and working on my project ( english or art) take ur pick. but i dont really have much to do. i need to get more friends and get out more O.o thats something that has been needed to be done for a while. but i'm not much of a people type. i got soooo pissed last night because people were pissing me off....thats not the brightest thing when i only have one cigg left to last me the rest of the month!!!!! not going to happen. here is a lil look into the future in the crystal ball for those who are stupid to now know what smokers do when they cant smoke for a while: i am going to be pissed for a while...watch out. i actually might kill you. my nerves arent wat they used to be, and i think they never will be that way again. teenage angst, teenage rage, teenage drama...and addictions to top it all....not the most pleasent out come. and dont even think about telling me to quit. i have sooo many people telling me that right now and its not the most genious idea to do that if u wanna keep ur head attached to your neck. well i think i'll rant on this later on because i have to see my sister in the cafeteria right now for lunch. talk to y'all later maybe. night!

i'm just sitting here in the public library...not doing a lot. andrea is looking at magazines. i'm just chillen waiting for people to talk to me...highly doubt that they will. well i'm gonn go do some other shit. fill u in later.

WAY TOO FAR! i am seriously thinking about leaving and disappearing .. not letting ANYONE know where i'm going or for how long. i cant take peoples bitching anymore. especially my mom's. she bitches at me for not having any kind of social life..and then once i have one..and it interferes with HER life...she hates me and has me change back to anti-social. repeat. its like she doesnt even want me to exist....no...i kno that she doesnt want me to exist...trust me...i dont want to exist either. sometimes i wish that i never really have. i was a mistake when i was born...and i'm still a mistake since i lived. the only thing that seems that i'll ever be right about is dying. as i have always believed...all i have ever done in this world is hurt people. thats all i ever do.

disappearing to a place. just some place in the middle of nowhere..where nobody ever goes...i dont even have to like the damn place. as long as it gets me away from everybody.

some people may think its because of them that i'm like this. well...if u said that to me before...and i said that it wasnt...just believe it because its not. its usually always my fault. in one way or another it is. either its because i refused to stop it. or i didnt see it comming. i ignore the signs. i LET it happen.

it just makes me want to be able to not care about anything anymore. i've already started pushing people away. why not finish the job right? i pushed, basically, everyone that mattered to me away. gotta be cold and heartless you know? i pushed andrea away. i pushed every1 that has ever tried to help me away...i even pushed my BOYFRIEND away. i wouldnt be surprised if nobody wants to talk to me anymore. and, to tell you the truth...i probably wont fight. i'll give in. just like how i always usually do.

no one would matter to me. damn....i wish it was that simple.



-~-_kitti kat krista belle_-~-

yeha i just went for a walk...in the rain....on a sunday. i needed it REALLY BAD. my sister, andrea, previously told me that my x-friend desiree " loves me." ..and no, its not the friendly love...or the puppy love ( so she thinks)...she's IN love w/ me...groody much?! talking to my game-obsessed boyfriend didnt work out so well...sitting around was just making me tense. no one to talk to, no place to go- for it tis sunday. so i went for a walk. almost everywhere around town. cept anywhere near her place. god damn she's a fucking stalker! grrr. i sang the whole time i was walking..which is for about a good hour. really loud and to the faint sound of a beat and a really obnoxious and loud noise of my feet squeeking in my flip flops...damn i hate that.