The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

i have no real reason to want to stay up. but i'm trying. for no apparently reason really.my brother stole my bed tonight. eh. and i'm helping my bf around here somewhat. smokeing a cigg...its wat i do best..now if onli i had food or a drink...eh watever. too early in the god fucking damn morning! as if u cant tell...me=not a morning person...hence why i'm here bitching to all y'all who actually listen to it...or for those who have just started...i'm sorry you have to see me like this -rolls eyes- ( i'm always like this, get used to it) no i'm not exatly the most brightest and cheeriest person in the world...meh. i'm gonn find something else to do than that of sitting here giving you boring people something to read. wat ever. and yes, i'm being a hipocrat there...too bad..stick it out and take it like the good bitch you are. night night!

i really dont. too many people like me too much...its making me think...its making me ill... here's a lil convo that proves my point





violentmnky: no dont

violentmnky: i was just thinking

kris frasier: ....about?

violentmnky: nothing really to tell the truth

kris frasier: ...uh huh

kris frasier: -lies down on bed, closes eyes and sighs-

violentmnky: *lies next to you and hugs you again* whats wrong

kris frasier: ...i dont kno. i just...feel like nobody understands all of me

violentmnky: i know what you mean...i think every one does

kris frasier: does wat?

kris frasier: not understand you?

violentmnky: i think everyone knows what you mean

kris frasier: oh.

kris frasier: heh

kris frasier: maybe.

kris frasier: but we dont really ever know for shure wat another person is feeling because we're not them....thats wat i keep trying to make my dad understand anyways

kris frasier: but...the beauty of that entire matter...is that..the reason nobody can every really and truely understand you...is because they didnt experience the situation first hand and have the same reaction....and also because you wont be able to express the way you feel with either words or demonstration.

kris frasier: and my shrink wonders why i cant explain my feelings...she askes me, " what does ' being sad' mean? wat does it feel like" and all i ever do is sit there without an answer....the reason people always think i'm crazy...is because i dont feel much of nething trying to avoid that situation. i became cold and heartless and bitchy

violentmnky: but do you know what

kris frasier: hmm?

violentmnky: i love you anyway

kris frasier: heh.

kris frasier: yeah. it must be nice

violentmnky: what do you mean

kris frasier: ever hear of the phrase " in order to love another, you must love ones self"?

violentmnky: yeah...several times

kris frasier: yeah. i live by that phrase....i still havent found that answer.

kris frasier: hence y i cant never understand why a person would like me

kris frasier: i hate this fucking world...its too damn confusing!!!

violentmnky: well you dont need to understand it

violentmnky: just accept it

kris frasier: i cant.

kris frasier: i've tried that

kris frasier: and still every night b4 i go to bed...the last thing i think and the first thing i think when i get up, is " why would someone do that?"

kris frasier: its all wat anything ever is...is an illusion saving another illusions ass

violentmnky: thats actually kinda deep

kris frasier: yeah...

violentmnky: yeah

violentmnky: im sorry

kris frasier: for?

violentmnky: being stupid

kris frasier: last time i checked....all u ever did was listen to my rants and raves. complaints and statements...lil tiny pathetic words stranded into a sentence that is is there to hold a deeper meaning.

kris frasier: and why do u think ur stupid?

violentmnky: im not sure

kris frasier: ur not.

kris frasier: its not stupid to sit and listen to somebody talk. its all it ever really is is talk,....but sometimes you can learn from those lil talks about life..and how to live....live by ur interpretations..ur opinions...ur motives...ect.

kris frasier: and thank you for listening to me by the way.

violentmnky: you are welcome

violentmnky: i really dont mind

kris frasier: really?

Well here I am in the library. No idea why I am here. Usually I have tech. but I decided to skip, considering I don’t have that class anymore and it was replaced by a study hall. I figured I better loosen up about things. Ok, maybe this wasn’t the exact way to go, but at least it's something better than being bored out of my fucking mind. I’m bored as fucking hell but whatever. I’m just looking for something to do and typing seems to be that something that helps me relieves building stress. I’m just hoping to come across something to actually type about. Btw, yes I still have stress problems. I honestly don’t think that they are going to go away. I think that it's just going to keep building up until I die of old age at the age of 30. Ha-ha. soooooo fuuuuuuuuuuunnnnn! Whatever. But yeah. A lot of stress. My boyfriend is trying to get me down to Florida again. We’re still trying to convince my mom. Kind of. I want to put a lot of effort and actually really try my hardest...but I am afraid of the consequences. Knowing her, unlike him, she can and WILL make me stop talking to him. I really don’t want that. I just don’t know anymore. Well, instead of him just calling me all the time I can call him now...I think. Well anyway. We have the new cable + long distance phone thing. and call waiting n blah blah blah n all that wonder-fucking-ful jazz. Hmm. I don’t think I am going to be calling him much anyways. I don’t like calling people. I never really have and never really will. Because usually when I call people get pissy n bitchy at me because I always seem to call at the WRONG time. I can’t help if I don’t know what's going on! So I just completely avoid that matter. I am only going to call when people tell me to. I don’t like using the phone much anyways. Hmm... this is weird. Of course I would be talking about a phone. Typical chick thing right?! WRONG. I don’t know watt the fuck I’m babbling on about anymore. I seriously don’t care. Cause once again I am going to torture you people into reading this...if u even reached this far. Well, there is only 15 minutes left of this "class"... (A long ass time to sit and do nothing). I wish I was in art class. That is a better way to go. I fell asleep in there again today. I can't seem to stay awake at that time...lets see...what do I have that block tomorrow...I think it is French. Figures...I stay fully awake in that class...mainly because I’m afraid to make Mrs. Bladek bitch...trust me. She never stops. Fucking annoying as hell. I honestly don’t know. I seemed to relieve some of my stress though. Roger n I both know that it is 1 chance in a million that we will be able to see each other in person before he is shipped away to that camp thingy for 6-months. So I know that’s kind of almost off my chest. I dropped CAD. No failing grade there anymore. That one freak-a-chique of an English teacher is gone, so no more of her bitchy-ness. I seem to be more mellow about things. I have a study hall now that I can sleep in...A study hall that is 2 blocks long. Which is cool I guess. Ok, time for spell check! Wow. That took ten minutes. Well, we all know, now, that I really don’t care about spelling when I want to get things out of my head. Not to mention proper grammar like I am always harping about now. Yes, I hate using the word “got” and any other form of it. Don’t ask why. It’s a long story, one that I’m not willing to talk about right this moment. Well I’m going to go see if I can return this book and get out a new one because it’s really boring. I don’t know what I was thinking!

qwertyfireman: mmmmm

qwertyfireman: -holds you-

kris frasier: there has got to be soemthing wrong with me.

kris frasier: i'm never like this

kris frasier: i'm never serious

qwertyfireman: ur love sick

kris frasier: i always find soemthing good or funny in things...

qwertyfireman: u just want to be with me really bad

kris frasier: i'm not like that nemore...and i miss it.

kris frasier: it was all i was living for b4 i met u

qwertyfireman: mmmmmmmmm............

qwertyfireman: -sigh-........

qwertyfireman: what r u living for now?

kris frasier: all i have to say about this anymore....is i'm just really really really glad n lucky i met u

qwertyfireman: whats everything ur living for now

kris frasier: you

qwertyfireman: .............

qwertyfireman: -sigh-...........

qwertyfireman: -kiss-

kris frasier: i acnt talk about this anymore

kris frasier: people love reading it

qwertyfireman: does it matter if people see how much we love eachother?

kris frasier: it is when they wanna send me back to councilling

qwertyfireman: =

qwertyfireman: -sigh-

qwertyfireman: i love you krista

qwertyfireman: so much

kris frasier: im sorry

qwertyfireman: for what?

kris frasier: dragging you into this

kris frasier: its not fair to you

qwertyfireman: its alright

qwertyfireman: its fine...

qwertyfireman: its made me realize something

qwertyfireman: u*

qwertyfireman: something i never thought to be true

kris frasier: ?

kris frasier: which is?

qwertyfireman: every1 said i would but i never believed it

kris frasier: what?

qwertyfireman: that i would find some1 whop loved me more then life itself

kris frasier: -hugs you tightly-

qwertyfireman: -hugs u back-

qwertyfireman: i never though i would fins some1 like you

qwertyfireman: but i did

qwertyfireman: and im gratefull

kris frasier: -holds you close and never lets go-

qwertyfireman: mmmm-holds you back and doesnt let go-

kris frasier: pls...dont be sad nemore...not bcuz of me...i cant handle that right now.

qwertyfireman: iom not sad

qwertyfireman: im glad

qwertyfireman: that i have some1

qwertyfireman: liek you

qwertyfireman: to be there for e

kris frasier: -clings to you hugs you touches you- of course i am...to the best of my ability

qwertyfireman: mmmm

qwertyfireman: baby.....

qwertyfireman: ur kewt

kris frasier: meh.

kris frasier: -lites up one -...number 2

qwertyfireman:

qwertyfireman: if u want u can have up to 5 tonight ur stressed

kris frasier: ...k...

kris frasier: i love you

qwertyfireman: love us toos

kris frasier:

qwertyfireman:

kris frasier: damn

qwertyfireman: ?

kris frasier: if this stress is gonn get ne worse...some one buy me a membership to the gym

qwertyfireman: eh lol

qwertyfireman: leme join!! lol

kris frasier: mm...i ran today

kris frasier: cold dark and damp

qwertyfireman: oooo

kris frasier: about a mile

kris frasier: as fast as i cud

qwertyfireman: ehz

qwertyfireman: that works

qwertyfireman: -kisses-

kris frasier: never stopped either

kris frasier: it was fucking hard as hell to breathe

qwertyfireman:

qwertyfireman: baby!!

qwertyfireman: i lvoe u!!!

kris frasier: once i got to my stairs...i fucking passed out

kris frasier: i love u too

qwertyfireman: awwz

qwertyfireman:

kris frasier:

kris frasier: i need happy pills

qwertyfireman: dont we all lol

kris frasier: i mean asprin

qwertyfireman: go et some?

kris frasier: i cant

kris frasier: rob's lying on them

qwertyfireman: eh

qwertyfireman: u prabably dont need them anyways

kris frasier: yeaaaaaaaaah

kris frasier: who do u think ur kidding

kris frasier: im sorry

qwertyfireman: eh

qwertyfireman: its ok

kris frasier: no...its not

qwertyfireman: yea it is

kris frasier: not by me its not

qwertyfireman:

qwertyfireman: -huggles-

kris frasier: -hugs back weakly-

kris frasier: i lost my energy...

kris frasier: ...all of it...gon

kris frasier: e

qwertyfireman: mmmm

kris frasier: baby!!! i wanna be me again...

qwertyfireman:

qwertyfireman: -sigh-

qwertyfireman: well if u didnt meet me ud still be you

kris frasier: no i wudnt

qwertyfireman: =

kris frasier: baby, u made me who i am

qwertyfireman: -sigh-

qwertyfireman:

qwertyfireman: !!!!!

kris frasier: and i lost it somehow...along with most of my sanity...i want it back...i want you back

kris frasier: -kisses-

qwertyfireman: u have me

qwertyfireman: u always will

qwertyfireman:

kris frasier: untill i push the limit...

qwertyfireman: ?

kris frasier: i always push my limit...just to see how far i can go....and now that i have...hopefully for the last time..i've realized...i cant get very far without you

kris frasier: you are my world...

kris frasier: my mind

kris frasier: my uniqueness

kris frasier: my life

qwertyfireman: -sigh-.........baby......plz never leave me

kris frasier: i just wanna go home

qwertyfireman: -holds you-

kris frasier: -holds you back-

qwertyfireman: even when i leave to the programm i will write and everything as often as i can

qwertyfireman: i promise

kris frasier: ok...

kris frasier: i wanna go home baby...

qwertyfireman: mmmm

qwertyfireman: where is home for u?

kris frasier: anywhere...with you...it always will be with you...just as long as i'm with you

qwertyfireman: mmmm

kris frasier: i need you

qwertyfireman: i need you too krista

kris frasier: -kisses you soo deeply...afraid to stop bcuz i never wanna leave you-

qwertyfireman: ill never leave u baby

qwertyfireman: never

kris frasier: you remember how i sed my class ring was a sub for the real thing?

qwertyfireman: mmhmm?

kris frasier: i have NEVER taken it off...EVER...once i tried it on...i made it ours...and i am afraid that if i take it off....i'm going to lose you.......

qwertyfireman: baby......

qwertyfireman: -kisses very deeply-

kris frasier: -kisses back-

kris frasier: and i will never take it off....not untill you say its ok...and the only way you can do that....is by the real thing.

qwertyfireman: mmmmmmmmmm

qwertyfireman: dont worry baby

qwertyfireman: when i get the real thing

qwertyfireman: ill give it to u myself

kris frasier: you challeneged everything that i have ever fought for.

kris frasier: and u've always won

qwertyfireman: what do u mean?

kris frasier: i hated marriage...till i met you. i thought that women were always the lowest creatures on the planet...till you proved me wrong. i always thought that love was something that was non-existant...and that it wasnt worth any time to find, to keep. but you came along.

kris frasier: you made me wanna fight for us...and i always will

qwertyfireman: mmmmm

qwertyfireman: -holds you tight and refuses to let go-

kris frasier: i want you sooo bad. i never thought that i'd find you....specially now..of all times...

kris frasier: i was dead till i met you.

kris frasier: you made me into something.

qwertyfireman: -hold tighter-

qwertyfireman: i love you baby girl

kris frasier: i love you too.

kris frasier: i really really really do.

qwertyfireman: i know you do baby i know you do

kris frasier: ...the only reason i never believed in marriage...is bcuz..i never saw one that actually worked out. they always got bored...or they ended up hating each other so bad that they actually tried killing each other...they got divorced...or one of them died.

kris frasier: and...now i believe..that if we get married.....that will never happen..i cant even see us not being together.

qwertyfireman: me nether baby

kris frasier: and another reason i never thought that marriage wasnt good enough...was because............i always thought it never worked out bcuz they never really loved each other...they always settled for less than they are worth...

kris frasier: but i fell in love with you....and i'm happier than i have ever been in my life. nothing seems worth anything anymore cept you.

qwertyfireman: mmmmmmmmmmmmmm-hold you very close

kris frasier: -holds you as close as i can- i never wanna leave you, i dont want us not to be together..i need you more than anything i have ever needed....ur my ecstacy..

kris frasier: and i'm the addict.

qwertyfireman: mmmmm

qwertyfireman: -baby- i need you too

kris frasier: -kisses you deeply,romantically....and filled with love and tears that come with all my heart-

qwertyfireman: baby......i love you...i really do

kris frasier: -holds you tightly-

kris frasier: pls....just dont let me die....i cant be there again.....

kris frasier: i dont want to be there again

qwertyfireman: i wont i promise

qwertyfireman: i wont let you i promise

kris frasier: i love you too much for my own good.

kris frasier: -wipes tears from my face- i'm sorry i'm so emotional right now...i've just been carrying that with me...i cudnt let it out cuz i was scared to kno wat you thought....

qwertyfireman: baby.........

qwertyfireman: all i want in life is for you to be happy

qwertyfireman: if thats means me then so be it

qwertyfireman: i lvoe you

qwertyfireman: i care about you

qwertyfireman: i qwont let anyone hurt you

kris frasier: your just so good to me that..i'm afraid that you are tricking me..ur lying to me...anything else...cuz thats all i've really known...

kris frasier: tis really too good to be true....

qwertyfireman: thats all ive known too baby

qwertyfireman: theres only one way to prove im not tricking you

qwertyfireman: and thats to be with you forever

kris frasier: -kisses you-

qwertyfireman: =kisses back-

kris frasier: i've never cared this much about anybody

qwertyfireman: me nether baby

kris frasier: not even my family..my blood family

qwertyfireman: -kiss-

qwertyfireman: baby

qwertyfireman: im glad you finaly opend up to me

qwertyfireman: -hold you-

kris frasier: -holds you back-

qwertyfireman: mmm

qwertyfireman: ill never let you go baby

qwertyfireman: -kissssseeeessssnessss-

kris frasier: -kisses back-

" some may find this impossible. some may even think it to be insanity. but is it really insane? insane to want to escape the pain? human nature right? so, is it really inanity? i thought so. untill i proved myself otherwise...i committed suicide. honastly, i think it was the sanest thing i've ever done in this pathetic, selfish life.

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:17:34 PM): im literaly dieing inside

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:17:36 PM): ok?

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:17:41 PM): wanna know why?

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:17:57 PM): ......

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:18:37 PM): cuz im probly never get to feel what i feels like to be with the one u truely love....able to hold her in my arms and kiss her.....be with her when shes sad or sick....or comfort her....

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:18:53 PM): just to be there when u need me

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:19:05 PM): to make u laugh and smile all the time

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:19:11 PM): to buy u the world

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:19:15 PM): and everything in it

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:19:22 PM): to give u everything u wanted and more

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:19:47 PM): and most of all have a family with

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:20:21 PM): ........

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:20:42 PM): thats y im always depressed

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:20:51 PM):

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:21:16 PM): and make ur mom read what i said....i dont care if she cares or not.....

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:21:22 PM): i know it will make her think

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:21:47 PM): she'll never understand babe

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:21:50 PM): all i want in life it to be with some1 ill be with for the rest of my life

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:22:05 PM): .......maybe i'm not that gurl.....

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:22:09 PM): u r

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:22:13 PM): and i want you to be

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:22:33 PM): but every1 including lfe it turning agaist everything we try to do

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:22:41 PM): life doesnt want us to be

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:22:45 PM): but life cant have its way

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:22:52 PM): because we r going to be

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:23:02 PM): and we'll be together forevere

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:23:12 PM): i will defy fate to be with you

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:23:21 PM): i will change destiny

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:23:26 PM): just to be with you

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:24:13 PM): ....

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:24:35 PM): thats how much i love and want to be with you

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:24:53 PM): because without your life i will fade away into nothing but darkness

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:25:10 PM): and never be able to escape

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:26:17 PM): i need you with me

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:26:20 PM): and i always will

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:26:36 PM): ...

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:26:50 PM): ........i'm dying inside too.

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:27:02 PM): if ur moms truely that afrid to be alone

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:27:15 PM): then she needs to do something about besides hold every1 back

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:27:19 PM): im not being mean

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:27:23 PM): its just the truth

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:27:27 PM): i kno

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:27:43 PM): because the stopping herself from hurting by making every1 around her hurt

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:27:47 PM): and thats not fair

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:28:08 PM): i kno its not

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:28:50 PM): and to tell you the truth ive neer felt this way about anyone b4

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:29:10 PM): ....

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:30:46 PM): .......i didnt kno u loved me that much....

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:31:26 PM): well i do

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:31:30 PM): and its the truth

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:31:48 PM): ....

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:31:51 PM):

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:32:06 PM): and im sayng this and not even crying because i know this feeling i have for you is true

kittikatkristabelle (3/7/2007 6:32:48 PM): -holds arms across chest trying really hard not to cry-

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:33:59 PM): i love you krista

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:34:03 PM): i always will

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:34:11 PM): no one will ever change that

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:34:18 PM): you are my one and only

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:34:26 PM): and i would never hurt

roger warren (3/7/2007 6:34:27 PM): you