These Eyes21:12 Oct 06 2008
Times Read: 668
There's nothing left to hide from the eyes that see all. Everything is laid bare and to waste under their intense, unwavering gaze. Mysteries of the universe are as wine in a crystal glass to be seen through a rich, heady haze.
One thorough, silent interrogation can meke or break the strogest of wills. Close your eyes and they will watch you draw your last breath with the same cool, detatched interest as if you were only sleeping.
Coldas ice, sharp as broken glass, smooth as liquid sin, deep as the soul they harbor and blue as the core of a flame, you will be picked apart, dissected, broken, scrambled, and remolded to fit what they see for you. Such eyes don't see the past or present but the future and whatever doesn't fit must be altered.
You can't look into those ageless, starving orbs and expect to come out unchanged. Their stare alone will shift your own perception and you'll see all the farther and clearer for it.
Thake a deep breath. Don't be afraid. Meet them head on, grab on and fall into them assured that you'll wake up what you are meant to be.
These eyes are your future and your fate. These eyes hold the secret to your life and death. Close your eyes and let go. Trust. These eyes don't lie.
Angels
05:15 Oct 03 2008
Times Read: 685
It's odd how, when you're at your lowest, angels come out of nowhere to lift you up. Isn't it?
And they don't look the way you expect them to either. They defy all convention and scatter preconceived notions like so much earth over a grave, predictable in the fact that they revel in their unpredictability. Neither ethereal nor otherworldly, their beauty is objective since these angels aren't beautiful in the biblical sense and some of them aren't even attractive. It's their charisma and ability to read those around them, including you, like a book that makes them strangely beautiful.
Old souls most of them are and they're often as cynical and jaded as the people they feel the urge to protect and shelter but they do so anyway for reasons known only to them. Perhaps they feel that by saving someone else they can be purged of their own pasts? These are haunted and haunting creatures but all too human in that they have their own faults, weaknesses and desires.
I have such an angel. He stumbled unapologetically into my life without so much as a damned feather to explain his uncanny knack for turning my world upside down. With frightening precision, he swept through all my defenses as if they were no more than cobwebs and knocked the perception of everything I thought I knew helter skelter. Even years after the fact I have yet to fully recover my equilibrium because he keeps throwing new stuff at me all the time. I no longer mistake his trampling on my beliefs for maliciousness, however, because he isn't.
I'd always been naive and far too trusting for my own good, constantly horrifying and scaring him with the potentially dangerous situations I'd blindly walk into without a second thought. No, it isn't safe to walk home from work at 3am. No, I can't walk under a bridge after dark by myself. No, I shouldn't accept offers from strangers to walk me home. Before him, many had thought me fearless but the truth was that I was just ignorant. Nothing had ever happened to me before so it hadn't really occured to me how reckless my behavior was. I suppose I warranted a guardian angel. Between being robbed at the gas station I worked at alone and my gallbladder rupturing because I was too stubborn to go to the doctor, I'm sure I threw him for a loop too and probably gave him several mini heartattacks.
Over the years, he's had to disabuse me of many of my notions and assumptions and teach me alot. People can't be trusted and men really are after one thing. Losing a job isn't the end of the world. By understanding the world around me while keeping myself aloof from it, I can rise above the bulk of humanity and gain keen insights that everyone else is too brainwashed to seek. Revenge and hate are petty things that only drag you down and are pointless to pursue because whoever it's aimed at will never understand and might not care. The best form of revenge is to put the past behind you and live a happy life despite itor, ideally, because of it. Experiences, good or bad, can enrich your life if you let them. There are no coincidences. Finally, despite what's supposedly politically correct, not all people are equal. In fact, most of them aren't.
My life hasn't been a walk in the park but just by knowing him, I've learned to turn hate and despair into passion and determination, fear into knowlege of my fears and ignorance into wisdom. Just by being around, he's made me a stronger and better person. He jerked me, scarred and nearly broken, from the squallor that had been my life until that point and opened my eyes to the fact that the world wasn't nearly so dismal and hopeless as I saw it. If I'd just stand tall and realize my own potential, I'd have the world at my disposal. I took his hand then, years ago now, and have yet to look back.
He pieced me back together and filled a lot of the empty spaces in me. Mentor. Brother. Confidante. Friend. I'd like to think that he's learned from me as well and our time together but I don't know for sure since he's much more tight-lipped with me than I am with him. There are gaps in him as well that it's always come naturally to me to patch up as best as I can. As odd as it sounds, I feel like his mother, sister, pupil and child all at once and I've never minded a bit. I've always been the protective type and one thing that hasn't changed and never will is that, if I could, I'd heal the world. Our bond is hard to explain, even to ourselves.
Whether an angel or not, he is a godsend and I hope I've answered his prayers as well.
Winter17:46 Oct 01 2008
Times Read: 698
With the stealth of a wolf
Comes wild, frigid winter
His presence can't be denied
So we must let him enter
Fall and winter are mated
And in their love-making so blended
It's impossible to tell when
He started and she ended
He consumes her with kisses
And in the wake of his breath
All warmth ceases
In favor of apparent death
After riding out his storm
She sleeps until the next year
And he leaves to make his rounds
For spring is always threatening to appear
For reasons I can't fathom
Many hate this season most
I suppose they believe it to be
The ending of life by this ghost
Winter's a delightful companion
Though cold he may be
But he's never been anything
But kind to me
Sometimes on my birthday
He even gives me snow
And I always dearly appreciate
The rare affectionate show
His age is years beyond counting
Though he looks ever young
But he does have a sharp
Self-depreciating tongue
He imparts to me wisdom
He's gleaned from the ages
And promises to keep me
From getting trapped in cages
Though he tries to be open
He always holds back
He treasures my innocence
And would mourn to be the cause of my lack
Wisdom, he says,
Comes neither early nor late
We just have to learn
To sit back and wait
I've always marvelled
At his apparent lack of emotions
Behind eyes as deep and inscrutable
As twin oceans
He does have a heart
He feels he must hide
It's the size of this world
And just as wide
In his moments of fury
He covers all in ice
For angering him
Everyone must pay the price
His sadness is subtle
And not often seen
But he too can weep
Though his shame of this is keen
His love is boundless
And his passion intense
But in showing it
He doesn't see much sense
Though he rarely feels it
He isn't immune to fear
I dount not it's capacity though
Should he face losing something dear
So saying, the old youth winter
Though bringer of death and strife
Is, like his mate,
Teeming with life
Life15:41 Oct 01 2008
Times Read: 711
Running against time
In a race you can't win
Your lungs fit to burst
Only to find yourself at the beginning again
This never-ending cycle
This endless track
This infinitive circle
Is determined to see you crack
You struggle to live
But you're born to die
And as you fight for each breath
You wonder why
Why is everything
You make with your hands
Always disappearing
Beneath constantly shifting sands?
You work so hard
To be apart from the mass
But you're just another grain of sand
In the hourglass
You struggle to make your mark
Amidst your blood, sweat and tears
But you'll soon be forgotten
With the passage of years
And what of the steady decline
Of increasing age?
As you slowly withdraw
Into your constricting cage
Despair suffocates you
And you asphyxiate on strife
But this, my friend,
Is what's known as life
You drown in your problems
As you claw for the surface
And just when you think you're in control
You're thrown into the furnace
Under the constant pressure
It's so easy to lose hope
As for the meaning of it all
You constantly grope
Just remember
When you scream out God's name
You're nothing but a pawn
In His eternal game
The only comfort to be had
In this swirling vortex of anger and hate
Is that, in the end,
We all share the same fate
Without Fear11:46 Oct 01 2008
Times Read: 717
What would I do without fear?
Without fear, I would cradle your head to my breast and let my heart whisper the things my mind dares not put into words.
Without fear, I would tear down the walls that surround my heart and let you see into the depths of my spirit through my eyes and in my no longer cryptic smile.
Without fear, I would reach out and take your heart, wondering at the way it beats in concert with mine and how I never noticed.
Without fear, I would go to your room and wind my arms about you in an embrace that would never end. I would let you wake up and see the one who loves you more than any other ever could.
Without fear, I would tell you I love you and you would smile in that way of yours before telling me that you love me too.
But, alas, I am not without fear.
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