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Well, at least he promised when it's over with Vicky it's over for good, and he'll be all mine...

So I just have to wait on Vicky to cross that line. All I really need is patience...

I won't ever let him go once I have him...

I love him and it hurts so much...

That's how you know what love is... does it hurt so bad? I can't live without him. Please let her leave real soon so I can heal him? So I can have him? So he can live again? For all our sakes, I hope she snaps soon. Like tonight. Or tomorrow... Really, really soon. I am such a terrible person...

I am so horrible. Well, Angele's daughters took to me pretty well. Saw Josh today. I have to talk to him. Or rather I got to get him to talk to me.

He's driving me out of my mind! So is he.... it's so confusing! I'm constantly on edge.

I don't know how I'm going to handle this. I don't want to win the battle, just to lose the war... I'm so distracted, I can't get him out of my thoughts, or my blood... what the fuck am I supposed to do with myself? Damn him! Damn me. I've said everything I could possibly say. Everyone has said everything that can be said. Now I got to get him to take his turn. I'm tired of straight feelings, I can't stand not having him around... I'm so messed up over this. It's so ridiculous! I'm doomed.........

Angele got her car today! it's so awesome! it's a damn good car. I so happy! Now we don't have to walk everywhere anymore. Unless we want to...

Lindsay thinks I should fight for Josh.... but how do I win without losing? What a sticky mess I'm in. What the Hell have I gotten myself into?

Hmmm.... maybe it's time to play psychologist again, only try another approach? Maybe I should shut the Hell up and have him do entirely all the talking.... Let him work it all out on his own.... with my prodding...

lol. I guess maybe I can do that. Is it the right thing to do? It has to be!

I am so messed in the head.....

How messed up is this? I found my soulmate. Damn him. But someone else is having his baby (or so we're assuming). She doesn't deserve him. She's cheated on him, treats him like garbage, and murdered his baby. Now suddenly she wants his baby this time, acts more affectionate than she ever has towards him. All because he inherited some money. Stupid whore. Of course he can't leave her because he's terrified of losing another kid. He's trying to be the responsible adult and she's playing him for a fool.

Of course we know as soon as that money's gone, so is she.... so he's not going to be raising that kid.

At least there is some hope in this. Beth is going to have me babysit his adoptive daughter. So I got to get him to see at least he has this one child, and everybody but the whore is supportive of that fact. The whore is actually jealous of his little girl and doesn't want him having anything to do with Raven! I was so pissed and tickled pink when I heard that. That just shows more into her character. The whore cares only about herself. Not the baby she carries, not Josh. Certainly never Josh. He's just the fool she can play. and bleed dry.

I got my tramp stamp, finally. It's still sore. It hurt worse than my last one. But that's two down, four or more to go. lol. This one at least was planned, the white on it is starting to show, and it looks so cool! That's all I want to say for now....