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So I had surgery and I hate healing! I'm too damned impatient! I want to move, to spar, get back to real life!

I have to back off from precious. I told him I wouldn't make him cheat anymore. For the first time in my life I'm weak. For the first time in my life I don't have the strength. I need him.

It's so hard, just to live. None of the others like me can help me. None of them have experienced the things that I deal with every day. Before I did the things that I do, now I find them at least difficult. I feel bad. I feel. None of them can understand that.

I have walked beside him through everything, until this life. Because he did the impossible and once again we broke the rules. I draw breath because of him. What is this? I want to fade back to the nothing that I was. But now that I am here, I can only keep moving forward. I can only keep discovering this unthinkable occurance that is my life.

The memories return, and it's like the amensia slowly peels back. It's just as I knew but I could not fight, could not find. All I couldn't remember. all the questions I had no answer for. I'm beginning to remember now. I'm beginning to remember and I feel. Before, there was not this thing called emotion. We don't feel! But I do, and they cannot help me. I feel alone, I feel pain, I feel. None of the others can understand or help me to cope. How do I do this? How is this done?

So i'm finally home from the hospital. They took out my gallbladder. You see? when i say something is wrong, there is always something wrong. It's never just in my head! i wish it was!

i'm so going to kick precious ass over this! It's time that he saw the consequences of his actions. I am so vindictive. He's not getting his stuff back. He's going to step up and shape up. Why does he have to be so blind to the things that he does to me? This is so horribly wonderful and so wonderfully horrible. Nice mess i've gotten myself into this time.