The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Thanks to PennyWise, I started thinking about that old, outmoded concept: The New Year's resolution. This year I think it will be beneficial to my progress to make and keep a New Year's resolution.



Well, let's see:

I quit smoking in May and have managed to stay off of cigs so far :) So... I have two big things to change remaining.



Here goes:

I know that my job will be ending soon, so I am doing my best to see that I have provided for myself enough to carry through as a startup writer for a little bit. So my New Year's resolution will be to make sure the belt stays tight so I can focus on my writing as my primary task each day for as long as possible - or until it works out for me.



My second resolution has to do with taking a more active role in my health. I was skinny in California, and since moving to PA I have gained 75 lbs in three years. I was under the delusion that working on the house and "sweating it off" over the summer would help me drop some of that weight, but now I realize I need to take a more active role in my health and fitness and make extra time to get my cardio in, my stretching in, and re-start the physical therapy excercises for my back and my knees that I was assigned so many years ago. "A more active role in my recovery." as the old addage goes....



That is all.

Most of the people on my friends list are familiar with the term "LARP" for those that are not familiar with the term, please feel free to click the uncyclopedia link above to catch up.



Well, today I was exposed to a "LASH" Kind of like a lashing, I suppose; it appears to be a LARP offshoot taken to the extreme. Now what exactly do I mean by "Extreme" you ask? Good question! You've heard of a "dungeon crawl", right? Well, there was crawling alright, through a makeshift tunnel to try to get out of a factory that was infested with ZOMBIES!



"Zombies?" you ask...



Yes, Zombies. In modern day Pittsburgh. In a VFW hall transformed to pretend to be a science lab. Cheezy? Sure, about as cheezy as laZer tag, with NERF guns.... but fun! Yes, we were crawling around on the ground, running, jumping, firing nerf guns, swinging nerf swords, and actually physically picking up and using keys, keycards, lab supplies, etc.



The whole ordeal cost $20; totally not worth all that money, I would say. Unless there is more expensive equipment; oh... something with a larger price tag like paintballs or more realistic props and sets, I'd say the cost should have been under $10, but hey, I'm sure that either the price will go down, or the sets and props will get better. This was, after all, the very first ever groundbreaking - benchmarking, all original Zombie LASH.



So today, I cleaned house, cleaned the fridge and micro, mopped the floors, did five loads of laundry, two loads of dishes, organized the kitchen, bedroom and then showered and killed over 25 zombies, men, women, dogs, wolves --and I think there was a monkey too!



I got all bloody and dirty crawling around on the ground, nearly died four times, almost became a zombie myself, got hit with a first aid kit, a stim pack and then shot up with an antidote (all medically necesary of course.) Singlehandedly saved the team by suggesting that we push the regenerating mutant god-like zombie out the airlock during her 20 second regen period....



Somehow managed to get out alive, got home, finished cleaning...



--Then showered again.

For a very long time, I have been trying to find my direction. I knew there was one thing, one thing that I would do that would combine all of the summation of my experiences and gifts and hobbies into something that I could do for a living that would keep me happy and inspired.



You will never believe it. I finally found "IT." The one thing. And now that I have only one thing to worry about, I finally have a direction AND a focus.



You know all that poetry and prose that I write, and those drawings in my portfolio, and those nature pics from my hikes, and the book that I'm trying to publish for homeless advocacy?



Well, I put the poetry and prose on top of the images, and I'm selling things like calendars, mugs, and journals on cafepress to finance my book.



Not that it really matters WHAT I'm doing with it, the important thing is --I've finally figured out how to work with it all. I finally have a direction and a focus!



I'm almost 33 and I've finally figured out what I'm doing for the next five years.



*hugs*

Squee!

It would seem that I am on the "Write Path."



Things are just falling into place like you would not believe.



A month and three ago, I was stuck in neutral. I knew I should be working on something, but I didn't know what. Every time I tried to do something another wall lept up into my path. Yet, still, something in the back of my mind said, "Write. Finish your book. Start inspiring people."



Well, as you can see from the last entry.... My store is up with three products so far. I plan on having a 4th by the end of the night.



I called my dad to wish him a merry xmas. My dad and I are not very close, but he was happy to hear from me, and all too happy to help out. It turns out he hosts the web site for his retirement community. He is looking for a columnist. If I write my inspirational pieces, I can post a link to my cafepress storefront to sell the inspirational gifts and get the "whatsits" out for the book!



It gives me the idea to write the same weekly column for several different places. See how much exposure I can get as a weekly inspirational writer.



...and things are falling into place like a mutherf*cker.



*scary*

Three, count them, THREE! A-ah-ah!

I have finally gotten myself together and I'm turning my photos, drawings, inspirational poems and prose into journals, posters, calendars, etc.



I now have three, count them, THREE products up for sale at my Rebekah Faith's Inspirational Gifts storefront.



I plan on creating five a week until I have a decent product selection, and then marketing the HELL out of them until I can afford to publish my book, "Picking up the Pieces".



I owe this inspiration to many people...

Cancer - Who sells products of his own and unknowingly helped me realize that true progress takes a daily commitment over an extremely long period of time.

VampireWriter1369 - Who got me over to Lulu.com where the idea started percolating into reality.

ElderDaniel - Who was there just at the right time to tickle me into action.

Lozen - Who without even knowing it, made me realize that not every poem had to have a perfect drawing - I could, in fact, photoshop one of my nature photos.

BillyTheJust - For getting me started on the handout ideas with the "You Are Not Alone" piece.

DarkestDesires - For telling me I am gifted and always reading and encouraging.

ToiletDuc - Just for being cheery and listening.

VampireWitch39/Elemental - For reading and giving feedback, which inevitably lead to more ideas.

Ogunshi - For being right there beside me every step of the way and helping me learn the "transform" feature of photoshop.



And of course there are others, like Enigma, EternalEnigma, Clix, SilverAngel, Batchyld, Jamie, TheBatt, MysticWinds, Kevin Smith, and quite a few that I am sure I am missing who all had a hand in my progress along the way.



Thank you all!

Sorry, not feelin' it.... The xmas spirit, I mean. What happened? Two days ago, I was Ms. "Peace on earth & OHM to all!"



Perhaps its the fact that I've had very little sleep after quite an ordeal with my brother and his wife last night; I'm just feeling *blah.* Perhaps I am just "recentering" and I need to give myself some kindness and rest.



Braved Walmart on Xmas eve day - Oh the horrors! I'm kidding. It wasn't so bad at all.... The funny thing is, we didn't really "need" anything. I have no idea why we felt the need to go out and do that. Oh well.



Gonna get my pretty butt off of VR and watch Rudolph or something, to get me in the mood to have a b/f and me gift exchange.



In other news... I am seriously considering starting a 21 day reiki purification. Tons of water, no alch, limited diet coke. Today is my "test day" if I can keep it up for today, then I will consider continuing for 20 more days.



That is all....



***********************

*TWO HOURS LATER :EDIT:*

***********************

I'm almost back to normal now. My wonderful b/f downloaded some classic xmas movies, rudolph, smurfs, garfield, frosty, etc. and we're getting me back into xmas spirit - the "clockwork orange" way. hehe.

************************

OK, Brother is fine.

He just called five minutes ago (before church this morning *rolls eyes*) and apoligized for last night's "festivities."



I explained calmly to him that it wasn't cool for him to be drinking himself into that state when he is alone and no one can get to him. I did my best to say what I had to say in a calm and forgiving way.



I'm still gonna kick his a** when I see him again.



...going back to bed now.



*end transmission*

Rough night, that's all I gotta say.



Let's just say: I have a family that is not quite "the most stable in the barn."

--yes I just coined that myself.



I got my bro the best xmas present a girl could ever give a brother. --a $1200 ambulance bill.



Neither the ambulance, nor the police could gain access to his apartment.



We are hoping he is ok and just sleeping it off.

It is time for me to stop worrying like the big sister (read: Mother) that I am, and just go to sleep.



Wish me luck....

Well, I'm sittin' here listening to some kind of instrumental pagan ambient music on a winamp radio channel. ...and I'm doing the x-moosey thing.



I've sent out all but 10 cards... (already emailed the last of my friends and family for their addresses) and now I'm wrapping the last of the presents to some kind of music featuring the slingshot-esque austrailian aboriginal wind instrument. The second I heard its tune on this port from inewage.com, I remembered its sound from Crocodile Dundee.



I've always loved buying, wrapping, sending gifts to people, I have always had this special knack for knowing what kinds of things people like. I even sent a card to our prince, Cancer. Just because.



Just because his address was listed to accept premium member payments, and just because I had a card and a stamp sitting here not doing anything special. So I figured, why not? Why should I let a card and a stamp go to waste when it can get sent on its merry way, and give someone else happiness - if only for a second.



I love this time, the simple elegance, the quaint fondness, the memories. Even the thought of an envelope from far away, or a box covered in simple brown paper gives me the feeling of a boundless, endless providing universe. I feel just the very slightest smudge of a sense of a limitless supply of resources, of a limitless supply of love.



And so I shall continue to do the same tedious tasks that I have been doing for the last four hours, for the next three hours.



For love and love alone.

My Christmas wish is that one day, we might all know the feeling of connection, the feeling of endless resources, and the feeling of OHM.

Ogunshi found this site, its called "the uncyclopedia" and it is just HI-Larious!



Examples:

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/LARP

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Goth

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Jedi



Go there now, and get yer funny-bone on!

Timesheets missed the deadline again. So, I haven't gotten paid since Dec 1, and I'm not getting paid until Jan 1. Cats have fleas again and so we had to scrape up some money to get them a second dose of Frontline. Hey, what d'ya expect when you're illegally squatting in two not quite sealed up rooms in your basement while working on fixing up the house?



I'm no stranger to less than stellar accommodations. My family was poor. We grew up on welfare. I've lived in ghettos as a kid. Even a couple of foster homes, and a couple of shelters. I lived with roaches, rats, fleas, mice, and yes, once.... even lice. Living here, in these two temporary plastic covered basement rooms, with nothing between us and the dirt but a makeshift plywood floor is nothing. A cakewalk. Yet another instance of one's past preparing them for the present.



We are working as fast as we can to get this house finished and legal - given our injuries and abilities. We cannot wait for the time when it is done and we can move upstairs in to the proper living quarters. As the weather gets colder, we find that this is really an incredible test of fortitude and strength. But nothing more severe than our grandparents lived through.



So here we are. Our strength is tested. Our resolve occasionally wavers.... what I wouldn't give for a weekend away. lol. But no. This will be done soon, and we will look back and appreciate every second of our time "in-between."

Two days now, work has been sparce. I thought my job would have been over months ago, but I am still needed here and there.



I am working on the next phase of my life.



And so, I give you:

The collected works of Rebekah Faith

http://www.lulu.com/pookahchu



I plan on uploading 5 items there per week until I have a decent looking storefront.



..and then there's the marketing.



*sigh*

The more I see Kevin Smith, the more I appreciate his role in this world. He is the Plato for Bill and Ted, and Beavis and Butthead. He takes a handful of deep, esoteric, enlightened ideas, mixes them with dick and fart jokes, and delivers them in a way that the average pre-college teenager, or twenty-something can understand.



His last movie, Clerks II really put out the idea that anything you want in this life, you can achieve. Don't be afraid, just do it! And he preaches the very same ideals whenever he hosts his open mic Q&A sessions. "You have what, 40 pages? Why don't you just finish it?" He says to one of his fans....



Now, how does this relate to me?



I have so many ideas ripping through my pretty little pookah-brain all the time; it’s really hard to settle on any one thing. Before I get down to learning Fruity Loops, Reiki, Japanese, Danish, developing my computer skills, finishing my book, making a move in my singing career, or drawing my comic... here comes another idea that tantalizes my dreams and rips my focus away.



I am already stretched so thin by work, and rebuilding this house... that any spare second I get, I would rather spend sleeping, playing crash down, or chatting than working out, writing, composing or working on me.



Part of me thinks I am lazy, part of me thinks I'm a procrastinator, part of me thinks I am simply deadline motivated, and part of me thinks that I deserve a few months' rest. Part of me is really upset that I am not taking a more active role in my life and my health.



I already know that I will achieve great things, reach great heights once I am able to settle down and focus. Once I set clear my priorities, once I decide that THIS (whatever THIS is) is what I will do, and nothing else.



This is where I wish I had a crystal ball. I wish I knew a future-seer. Someone that could tell me, "One day you will be a great songwriter" Then I could put aside writing, learning Japanese and Danish, learning Reiki and Shamanism, and I would just work on Fruity Loops and singing.



But alas, I know that the end result, whatever will become of me... will be the culmination of all of my past experiences. So therefore, what I manage to achieve now, will be useful in what I will be... and what I will be, will be. Whatever that is, no one else will have the experience for that function, like I will have.



...and all these things shall culminate together.



Into what... I have no clue.

It was a stroke of genius. I turned to both of the grown men and said "For the next one hour, you are both kicked out!"



"Why?"



"How many hours did you work today on the house?"



"Two, Two and a half..."



"Well, I worked from midnight to five am with India, then again from ten am to noon and from two to five with the US. I was training, analyzing, and I fixed the erroring invoicing files so all the consultants in the US and Brazil can get paid. I took a bath. Then I did mortar work on the stairs and outside walls."



I continued. "So, Like I said. For the next hour, neither one of you are allowed downstairs in the living quarters. You're both kicked out!"



The b/f is currently working on the house. The room-mate went out on the town.



Now, the room-mate is leaving to visit his family and friends for the holidays, so he'll be gone starting tomorrow (I hope) for a week or two... but when he comes back, there will be strict guidelines in place.



I will no longer sit here and support two grown, 30-year old men, if they are not contributing a fair amount.



I'm getting rather good with mortar, BTW.

--Just call me Morticia!



~fin~

"Back the f*ck away from me. You're tainting this side of the room with your ignorance!"



Oh Dear.

Here is how that loverly little literary gem was conceived:



My b/f is listening to Adam Ant - Stand and Deliver. I love Adam Ant and everything 80s, I've been working 24x7 support on critical issues with very little sleep for FIVE days now. I am tired, I am cranky, I have two minutes where the client is NOT ringing me, so I ran out of my room to watch the video for a moment, and I am happy for the brief break I can take while I am dancing to this one song.



The roommate (aka: enema, shadow, follower, someone who needs to be near people all the time...) comes over, stands one foot right behind me while I am dancing, stares at the guy on the computer screen who is wearing rennaisance clothing and has white painted stripes under his eyes and says, "Is this the guy that did the song, 'The Movies'?"



We both look at him as if he grew another head.



My b/f said "No, that's Alien Ant Farm, this is Adam Ant"



I didn't mean to be so wicked, I really didn't...

The wickedness just spewed forth from my mouth before I could stop it.



I said, "Back the f*ck away from me. You're tainting this side of the room with your ignorance!"



As soon as my b/f recovered from laughing so hard, he told me he is stealing that line for his character to say in his Vampire Larp game.

I've had it with that fracking 5x game!



What is the timeout on that forced forefit, anyway? I wait for a person to make their move, I'm waiting and waiting... perhaps for a minute or two, I hit refresh, and find that the other person has claimed a forced forefit.



GAAARRRRRRR!



*current mood: pissed*



*pookah bites the head off of a bat!*

Nothing like critical issues to get you back on the fast-track. I just pulled an all-nighter for work, and I've got one issue left to analyze and fix. the data file I need to analyze will be downloading for 30 minutes, so I thought I'd hop on and check mail, etc.



Believe it or not, I am getting pretty good about following my time limits ;)



I had a compendium thought about this leadership/management/motivation idea that I'm on... I can probably use the same techniques that I learn to manage and motivate others - on myself.



You see, when I started writing down everything that I manage to complete in a day, I was able to see which of my goal-oriented tasks typically get ignored for the day, too. Sadly, things like excercise, and playing with my music program which I THINK are really important to me, tend to get left behind, abandoned by the roadside.



I realize that there's no reason that I can't use some of these tools that I learn - to manage and motivate myself. If I consider that I'm the boss of me, and I have these goals that must be completed each day in order to meet my personal (organizational) objectives, and I write myself a mission statement, and continue to have my progress reports, why shouldn't it work?



hehe.



We shall see.



And no, I haven't forgotten about Reiki. I'm still reading, I just had a blind-siding priority issue come up on Sunday. ;) If its not resolved, its really damn close to being resolved.



--and now, that's my time, and its back to business as usual.

This is a test... this is only a test....



As bright light dawns on dull head, it occurs to me why I am caught in a cycle where I am struggling to motivate two grown men to work on the house. Let me explain....



I've always known that I was meant to do something to inspire other people. I've spent hours talking to people, observing patterns, learning about the world around me, learning what are people's concerns, fears, worries. What makes life work, what on this earth needs to change. Where the alarm clocks need to be set, and where the vounteers need to be organized. Currently, my biggest advocacy torch is for the homeless.



I know I am meant to make some great changes someday... and I even know that day is fast approaching.



I'm working on my book. I've met someone who will help me get it ready for publishing. I'm working on another inspirational book too. When my house is legally certified for occupancy I already plan to be volunteering and getting involved in the local community and local government.



So, it just hit me.

The reason why I am struggling so much with my current test: I am meant to be a leader.



I am meant to motivate people, and I'm meant to be good at it. As always, the first test is at home. How can I be a leader and a motivator, if I can't even motivate the two men who have promised to work on the house for at least four hours a day five days a week at home?



I am learning what works and I am learning what does not work. So far the following has not worked: riding them, getting upset, letting them know that the day is almost over, subtle hints, working myself on the house alone, getting upset, confronting them, crying (though that has worked twice) or even ignoring their lack of progress when nothing is getting done.... Through this excercise, I am slowly learning how to lead, and how to motivate.



It occurs to me that I should pick up some books, or browse some websites on leadership and motivation.



And thus the great god Ohm spake:

Psst! This is your test. Are you deaf, girl?



As I already know, I am destined to repeat my test until I can pass it.

Nothing happens overnight....

I thought the changes I decided to make would help... Dear God, I'm about to give up AGAIN.



Oh well, I'm the one that decided to buy the $4K house....



I'd write more, but everything has impeccable timing. It would seem that the universe has decided that this is a "falling apart" period. There are two critical issues that will keep me up all night tonight with work. I don't even have time to think about the house or progress.



Perhaps that's a good thing?

If you are looking for inspiration, you need go no further than your backyard. All you need to do is open your ears, and the universe will speak to you. Go out, talk to people, call your parents, your grandmother, your friends. Talk about THEM for a change, and LISTEN. If you listen, the universe will speak to you. Inspiration, your muse, is hiding around every corner just waiting for you to ask and to listen.



Usually, these things come in threes. Today inspiration was cleverly disguised as a nurse, an exhausted clerk at Home Depot, and my grandmother.



The nurse represented OPPORTUNITY. It is never too late to become what you want to be. It is only a matter of overcoming your fears and putting in the time, and you can still be anything you want to be.



The home depot clerk represented the LABOR. This kid was working two and three jobs. (Exactly what I used to do before I ended up so burned out.) I thought, well, he must be doing it to support his children..... I asked him WHY? He said, "just to make a better life for himself." He wants better things, so he's working for them. I asked, "No kids? No wife? No one you're supporting?" "No," he said "Its just me. I want better things in life."



Just because he WANTED to. Not because he was FORCED to do it, not because he HAD to by some court order, or some guilt complex... He was working for himself, simply because he wanted to.





Finally, my grandmother. My grandmother represented TENACITY.



Let me tell you. If you ever want to feel like the sorriest sod in the world, listen to what your elders have to say....



My grandmother lived in a wooden house, a shack more or less, with no insulation, in Minnesota. She said the kids slept in a back room, and her and her husband slept on the porch, in the winter.



She said they would wake up some days with FROST on their blankets.



Now, don't I feel like a wuusy-wuss? Worried about getting a little bit cold in this house where we have just put insulation in, we're starting to seal up the drywall, and we're using kerosene heaters.



Shit, we're pampered little crybabies compared to our elders!



Now, if I could just invoke a little bit of what I learned today... I'm sure I won't have any more trouble with exhaustion, optimism or tenacity or motivating the two boys while we're piecing together this little house.



If I do still falter and end up stuck in weak moments, I certainly don't have any right to complain about it.



*shoots arrow at the moon*

Well, full moon aside, what's done is done, and now its time to get back on track. I'm not dead, I just killed a few brain cells and threw up buckets. This was Sunday night. Like I said it took two days to recover. I'm still quite sore, but I'll live. Don't want to do that again. Nopers.



I worked WITH the boys today (shame I gotta take hours and $$ away from my real job to do it... but they don't seem to work well -or at all for that matter- without handholding. Sux, but hey, its gotta be done.)



Today we insulated the part of the basement around the water pipes, and I helped the room-mate complete one of his asanine, unnecessary, but he'll be pissed and not work efficiently unless its done tasks. It would be difficult to explain, but trust me. This crap that he feels needs to be done on OUR house right now before he can do anything else, is a two day waste of time. *sigh*



The b/f rustled up a friend to come over and work with them tomorrow; so if this friend shows up, the boys will have someone to work with and I can concentrate on my REAL job.



*sigh*



I always seem to get myself in the same situation as the Japanese Girl in this video:







The one thing I can say, is thanks to journaling, I do learn from my mistakes. Although, I'm still trying to work out the finer details....



On one hand there's the micromanagement and worrying about what everyone is doing - which just kills my spirit and makes me angry 24x7. On the other hand, I can worry only about me and supress my feelings, which as we can see does not work either.



Is there a happy medium please?



Maybe I could take only 1 hour a day for micro-management, preferably after work hours - and set the boys up on their tasks for the next day like I've done today.



God, I hope this works.

O.o Here she goes again! (It must be a full moon or something... Well, what do you know, IT IS a full moon!)



I'm still in a lot of pain from my exploits the other night... The muscles in my back, chest and stomach are KILLING me! But on top of that, my impatience and aggrivation with my situation has been rekindled, too.



I really don't know where to go with this. There is a big steaming pile of poo in my hands, and I have no idea where to put it!



I love the guy I'm with, I wouldn't change him for all the world, I love that he is so available to me. But I also don't want to be the only one working, making an income; and I don't want to have to remind these guys that its getting fracking cold out there, and we need to finish this house and get heaters installed and electric moved over before we all fracking freeze to death!



Not only is it my b/f, but its the other guy too. I need help. "Hi, My name is Rebekah, and I support two grown men." The original deal was, I work my computer job and bring income in to support the project... and they're supposed to be working on the house.



Well right now, they're... umm. Let me check....

One is sleeping, and the other is playing a video game.



I love my man, I really do. That doesn't change the fact that I want to kick them both out and live alone sometimes. I hate it when I am working, and they are sleeping or watching tv, or playing video games. I hate it when I want to eat something that I bought, and its already gone, and they didn't pay for any of it.



I'm quite angry about this.



I tried to ignore it for a while and only focus on me, but that didn't work. I honestly thought I was happy... but it turns out I supressed my feelings for months, and ended up in an 11 beer self-inflicted pseudo-chemotherapy masochistic "illness."



Like I said in my last post. Not cool for a 30 year old. I'm not in college anymore. I've got to find a way to handle this pile of poo a little better.



What to do, what to do?

Those damned demons again!

There is a group of evil demons that really, really like me. They like to hang out, and hang around. They enter my space one at a time until I reach capacity (about once every 9 months or so) and I subconsiously feel the need to expel them. So I find that I have indulged in a bit of chemotherapy of sorts. One where I am sick for about two days after. Then after I have emptied and I recover, I find that I have the strength and resolve to figure things out and start anew.



Not cool, but I'm realizing a pattern. Hey, I realize I'm not 20 anymore... I'm an adult for christ sake. I can't be acting like a college student here. I need to find a more productive way of purging these demons. I can't let them build up like this. I need to be able to stand up for myself and speak my mind, and not get used or abused or taken advantage of.



I'm not going to be able to change the people I'm with, and I can't just do something silly like only pay my part of the bills or my part of food, because that won't work either. I don't want to mother anymore. I don't want to have to ask them to work on the house. I want them to just do what they need to do. For the last few months I have taken the resolve to stop worrying about what they're doing, and worry only about myself and I honestly thought I was happier!



If they want to spend their time watching TV and playing games all day... they're the ones who will suffer in the spirit. Not me. But internally, I am screaming at the top of my lungs. These are grown men. Two of them. In their thirties! I should not be the only one working and paying bills here!



Four months ago I made a resolution. I resolved that its more important that I focus on ME than worry about what they're doing or not doing. When I do the first, I seemed to be much more productive and happy. When I get caught up in the latter, things are not harmonious and happy, there is a lot of anger, pain, talking about things and crying (by me) twice a month at least! So I figure, I'll just worry about me and be happy with me. What else can I do?



I have to work this out. I can't be concerned about what they're doing, but I can't bury my feelings either. I just have to get stronger so I don't hide all this resentment inside and find the need to expel demons when it builds up and gets to be too much for my subconsious to handle.



Gah.

"What color is the sky in your world... and is there cable?"



I do my best to keep an open mind. I'm a very, "Anything is possible" kind of girl. Any time I don't understand something, I ask questions and try to find out more about it. I try to get into the other person's mind, try to see whatever it is from their perspective, and do my best to stretch my mind to advocate their position.



Every once in a while (and its not very often - maybe three times total on this site) I just have to stop and say.... "erm.... They're on drugs. They've GOT to be! There is NO other explanation."



And so find that in this case I must pose the above question: "What color is the sky in your world... and is there cable?"

So, I'm studying Reiki now. I'm not a level I, or Level II or anything like that. I am independently studying, and testing myself to see if I am dedicated enough to learn, (eg. to warrant paying for classes.) Before I begin my "official training," I want to make sure that this is actually my spiritual path and not yet another interest that will lose its luster in a month or two. (Aries tend to be that way...)



I have learned the five Reiki Principles. Most of them I have naturally and instinctively applied my whole life. The only one I feel I will need any reminding of is "Don't Worry." (I'm a natural worry wart.)



As I read the Reiki books (its the same feeling when I read anything about Native American Spirtitualism) I feel like I already know what I am reading, and I am only being "reminded" of something that I have long forgotten. No suprise, I've been instinctively "energy healing" and working with the energy of the four elements ever since I can remember. As a matter of fact, I thought I invented some of these ideas. I instinctively knew them almost by name from my childhood. I called the four elements "Fire, Water, Earth and Space" and have been working with them, moving them around, sending and pulling and pushing them, and even healing with them ever since I was eight years old.



As I read through Rand's Reiki book, there are a few passages that I instinctively know are "wrong" Well, not "wrong" but just "not right." For some reason as I read these passages, I feel a solid lump form in the tip of my stomach, I get tense, and even a little upset. Not to disrespect Rand, he's been teaching longer than I've been alive, and if what he writes works for him, and others, fine. I just know it will not work for me.



I have a feeling that with my ingrained intuition on the subject, the form of healing I will eventually end up practicing will be some strange hybrid of Japanese, Celtic, and Native American decent. For this is what I feel in me is "right."



But, in order to get to the end of the path, I must start with the first stone. I must humble myself and learn from the masters, get a solid foundation, learn the basics of ceramics before I can mix the glaze into advanced colors.



I sit, and wait, test my resolve, and spend a week or two in healing and deep thought to ask my guide, my creator, and my spirit - "Is Reiki my first step?"

Wow. December. The last month of 2006.

The "getting settled" chapter of my life is almost at a close. Very soon this job I am working will be outsourced to India, and if I have my house closed up, my occupancy permit, and my taxes paid by the time my job ends then I can start the next chapter of my life.



Chapter 5: Rebekah Faith - The singer, the writer, the musician, the advocate.



I am working very hard to make myself a life where I can work part time for a living and spend the rest of my days working on music, writing, working on getting what I write published, traveling, working on my own projects, and working in local government and community service to help make my neighborhood a little nicer, a little cleaner, and a little easier to survive in.



I refer you to the "Pie in the Sky" article I wrote a few days ago. I think I almost have my pie. The stairs are built, I just need to climb them and reach out and grab it. I just have to work really hard at work, and on the house for about 30 more days, and then I can finally have my pie.





If I do this, I will have gone from homeless to semi-retired in under 2.5 years.



Wow.

...and so the shopping begins.



I am blessed. I have so many friends in pitts, and so much family that I'm going to be shopping for a while. Today I hit up the dollar store and picked up the accessories. Cards, wrapping paper, bows, labels, etc.



Since we're still working on the house, I'm being an ultra cheapscape until we have a legal occupancy permit. Everyone gets $5 and $10 gifts found at swap meets and bargain shopping places. New stuff, or really really cool antiqued stuff.





I also have a new plan for getting the plumbing done for under $2K.



--All I want for xmas is an occupancy permit.

Wish me luck.