The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

hmm.. its tropical storm ernestoing outside!!!! and im going to go run naked through it and splash in some puddles... then run through the woods... then.... i dunno.. something... i dunno... i just.. have to do something.... ooooooooo

and on a funny note minamurray is pissed at moi because i enjoy reading her journal for a good laugh... oh well... hehe... it cheers my day just knowing i am spreading some love....

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

its another one of those quiet nights that are quite good for thinking... its wierd how things seem to work themselves out... somehow this isn't how i ever saw them coming about... its almost like im at a stationary point ..waiting to do things and go after the things i want because im afraid.... which is runny i suppose... because if i truly want something ... why not go after it...

another funny thing is how lonely it gets sometimes... especially when i have made it a strict point not to date... there are just too many asshole around here... who think it would be fun to "bone" a "satan looking demoness"???? yeah.. no idea where they come up with that discription but yeah anyway... i dunno... anyway, i've spent the last few nights getting into agruements with an ex of mine again... mainly about how he wants to eh... get back together.. if only i could change the things about me he doesn't like... oi ... what happened to there being people who like a wee bit of diversity and don't want to change others...

i suppose its too much to ask to be accecpted as i am heh... well... thats why he is an ex i suppose and i gave up the dating scene... but seeing alot of the happier couples and reading about them does make wish i could have something like that... blah.. who knows... i wish i just knew what it was supposed to feel like... it all gets rather foggy.... anyway... i guess im off... maybe ill be inspired later on

ooooooooh you know what... i think someone is mad! *giggles*.... all the better.... i have given up trying to tackle everything that comes my way.. and fix it.. so... from now on... i don't care anymore... nope.. not a bit... im not even going to let anything get under my skin anymore... since it seems most of humanity would rather go for greed than have compassion for others... then so be it... i won't become greedy.. but the compassion i have for others is much lower now... save those special few people who have earned it... which does bring me to another topic of discussion...

there is one person on the rave here who i did have a wee bit of compassion for... because she seemed like such a jealous lovesick little puppy... however, my patience with that is over... i was going to refrain from putting names in... but i figured.. what the hell... why not... lets see who i can piss off *smiles sweetly*

minamurray... darling.. if you want to refer to me in some aspect... do type my entire screen name out sweetie... its only a few extra letters and i am quite sure you can handle it... and as for taking a flying fuck?... hmm. .that might be fun indeed =) so sorry you don't like it when people read your journal sweet pea...its a public journal.. and it greatly amuses me.. as well as others.. so.. im afraid you shall just have to learn to deal with that :) in fact i would like to thank you for making it so very entertaining a read!...

and by all means if it makes you feel better "trying" to humiliate myself and others like sweet russell go ahead... but just remember... for every inflamatory comment made... we will be sitting back laughing our asses off at you sweet pea... *kisses* =)



hmm.. and miz..... what the .... were you thinking.. oi... and you thought i was a bad judge of character... ah well.. no worries... *smiles*

take care darlings!

so...its funny how a long weekend can go so retardedly depressing.... one would assume it would be fun and amusing.. but not so much really.. i found out last week that a good friend of mine had died 2 days before hand... and i've just been going through some sites dedicated to another friend that passed coming up on 2 years ago... he was so gifted when it came to his music... im glad its still up where people can listen to it... but im sad his brother did what he did to him... talk about love eh?... nothing says love like a bludgeoning your brother in the head with a hammer.... blah... randy's an asshole...



well... anyway... i dunno what im off to do... something to up lift my spirits.... torment someone... oh who shall my victim be...

hmm, i was having a pretty good day until i sat back and started doing some of that deep thinking... the kind that ends up leaving you with a choice or two you would rather not make...ugh

last week i got a call from an ex of mine.. we had stayed friends for the most part... though he had the maturity of a 12 year old.. and trust me.. he is well past that age... (thus his becoming an ex) anyway, he claims how he loves me and misses me... and how we should make another go of it....how things can be better... and we started talking about old stuff.. and i brought up the main subject that caused us to call it quits.... and bam... there it went again... of course now he is more "understanding" and says that if i improve myself.. then all will be well...

its amazing how many people will tell you they care for you just as you are... and the first oppertunity they get... its all about trying to change you and mold you into who they want you to be... i guess its too much to ask for someone to actually understand that... and just be happy with the person they supposedly fell in "love" with...

after like 2 hours of explaining how much he hurt me before.. and how i would not let him do that again.. and this time if anything ever did materialize... .it would be because he finally accepts me the way i am... heh.... well i think i was talking to myself there... after a few murmurred yes's its back to how much he needs me to do this and be like that... and go here. .. and get myself looking better because god forbid he actually care about anything other than my outer appearance...

heh.. this morning he called me from work... at the crack of dawn... just because one of his little friends wanted to hear how young i sounded and so he could act like the old fart hitting up the young chick... blah...

he is going to be gone from my life very soon i think.... its not right... i just want to be me... and he doesn't even care

hmm.. and while im at it.. there is a certain other person i would like to kick in the nuts just for being.. an... idiot and acting like he.. well.. yeah... ick..

hmm... oh well.. i've ranted...now im off... to find something amusing to do... maybe...go find my friend who works for the city and handcuff him to a street pole... muahahahaha!

you know its funny how i can go for a while without talking to you... and somehow it never changes... and for just this once i want to tell you i miss you ... so much more than i thought i would.... its retarded isn't it.... it would never work in a million years... but... for tonight... its ok just to let you know how much i wish you were here....

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... thats what im going to be doing later on in the middle of a cemetery..... when i finally get done with all of this party stuff.... for a while anyway.... blah.. i have 10 events to plan for in the coming months... and im about to start throttling people for being such assholes when i am trying to help them out a bit.... i mean really.. what ever happened to a thankyou... as opposed to a shouting out orders at me after they told me i had to be the one to do it anyway.. yet.. no one seems to be able to shut up long enough to let me... little bastards... damnit..

oi.... that felt nice... now i think i shall go spread my love among everyone else.... in large amounts... because its their fault im pissy today... so hah!... damnit :)



(im really amused now... heh... imagine that)



*pouts*.. damnit sharonda where the hell are you soldier... im ready to take dictation in the cemetery..,.. tree... creepy house.... woods... bushes... closet... anywhere really... im just ready heh