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ok, well it's been a couple days since i've been online really... and surprise surprise..as soon as i log into yahoo i receive some lovely rude little offlines....about how im so inconsiderate and rude... and that i think about anyone else's feelings.... which just tickles me silly considering i think thats kinda unfair...

for the past few days... i haven't been online because i have personal stuff that i need to attend before i sit and spend my time playing around on the computer for countless hour... and for those of you who want to really know whats up ...here it is (and if you don't hit the arrow at the top of the page and leave me alone :)



last saturday, i received a long lecture from my grandfather about how i'm wierd, and evil, how i need to stop behaving how i am, stop wearing so much black, stop going to cemeteries because im just asking for trouble, stop with my interest in serial killers and psychology because thats just no proper for girls, then he started asking me all these stupid math word problems knowing i hate math, then saying how stupid i am because i should know things better, apparently all my schooling has been for naught, and that he didn't want to give up on me because i was a failure...

let's see... monday i gave a 8 min. speech on crimnal psych. and aced it... and ofcourse.....when he found out he congradualated me saying he knew i could do it all along..... what a hippocrit

anyway, moving on... let me just say i think it would be really nice if certain people would realize that maybe i can't at their beck and call every moment of every day... i spend every week taking mom back and forth to doctors.. then to therapy... then to run her errands all over town.... everyday before that i go to school... which i often miss time and have to do make up work for because im at the doctor so much.... next comes cooking all the meals .. and then doing the housework... which i don't mind doing because i know mom can't do it right now... actually... im ok with doing all of those things... because its just what i have to do right now... worrying about it doesn't change them.. but why can't people just realize that because im not here sometime doesn't mean im trying to be a bitch. .. or cancel on plans.. i just can't be there

today i found out a close friend of mine is well on her way to becoming an alcoholic again... and there isn't anything i can do about it... she is already pissed at her husband because he trys to get her to stop doing it... and when i say something she doesn't want to hear it anyway...

it appears not only am i failure scholastically... but with my friends as well... heh...



well.. thats about it for the venting part of this... because i feel alot better having said those things... heh.. i'd feel even better if certain people would try to see things from my point of view instead of assuming is automatically wrong first...



anyway, moving on a happier note, yesterday i received my first letter back from the serial killer i wrote to... it appears we are going to be corresponding quite a bit now.... which suites me must fine.... and ya know.. oddly enough... i feel like i could tell him more whats bothering me than anyone else i know... maybe because he doesn't know me... hmm.. maybe its because he is a cold-hearted asshole... either way i don't really care :) it works... i feel better...

hmm... anyway, im off to watch a movie, read, and go to bed, ... and... let me emphasize im turning my phone off... so no phone calls .... nothing personal to anyone... i just don't feel like dealing with anymore bs today :) nighty night

today started out horribly, but actually turned out pretty lovely...hehe...im sitting here... stroking my pussy...cat..heh.... actually its one of the strays i have tamed... she is a long hair solid black cat ...who is sweet as candy.. just like me >:)... hm... i named her pumpkin... why i did that i have no idea... but what the hell... actually right now.. im supposed to be doing some homework... and im really really behind on it.. which means ill be up all night.. but atleast i shall have pumpkin to amuse me.. since other amusement seems to be lacking... hmm

i saw the saddest thing today.... i was at the fair with my family.. (heh.. and no thats not the sad part... but now probably sounds like it) anyway.. we were in the barn looking at the animals... and just looking into their eyes... i felt so horrible.. same thing with zoo animals.. all pinned and caged up for the amusement of people.. its horrible... and very unnatural...people always poking and prodding them... or pointing and laughing its ridiculous.... hmm..

hehe... meanwhile.. pumpkin just jumped off my lap and is curled up on my bed... evil little bugger!... already staking a claim... oy... i guess its just as well anyway.. i won't be getting any sleep for a long time now...too much work ahead of me :(

tonight is one of those nights where i've spent most of it sitting back wondering what the hell is going on.... actually.. i think thats how my week is going to be... probably not a good one either... but then again i guess that rarely is.... hm. oooooooooooooooooh... today my english teacher decided to bombard me with an interrogation as to why i was not in class friday.... so i told him i had to take mom to the doctor... and after a few more minutes of meaningless chit chat... he finally left me alone :)

then in comes this dude that sits next to me and is always staring.... rarely do we ever speak... but today he waltzed in and decided to interrogate me as well... which rather annoyed me...hmm.. they need to get a new hobby...heh...

silly silly little boys... always thinking they know more than they actually do... just because of a few conversations back and forth... when anyone with any sense would realize that maybe... just maybe.. they should try having an honest conversation with me and really listen .. instead of making wrong and slightly idoitic views on me... actually.... this rather applies to someone on this site as well as the others i spoke of :)

hmm.. anyway...i have a hellaciously large amount of work to do... and me being the bad little school girl i seem to be as of late... have put it off long enough... time to leap onto the bed... and do some work ...rawr :)

actually.....

well.. i did some much needed cleaning out of apparent garbage that had been accumulating... its funny how you keep someone or something around thinking that maybe its different than every other thing on this planet... then comes the reality that everyone and everything is just the same... all mindless drones masquerading as something else... everyone is guilty of it i suppose.. even those who don't mean to be.. it just happens... its not like it really matters though i suppose.. after all it was only trash in the beginning.. and thats what it is in the end

hmm.. im not sure if this is gonna work.. but if it does... then... i shall be really happy ..because i really like this band... kinda reminds me of orgy

we are going to play in the cemetery in gowns tonight!!!!!!! weeeeeeeeeeee.. i have no idea why this amuses me so much .. but it does so weeeeeeeeeeee anyway

ok...well.. i can honestly say, that i have never been more annoyed than i am right now.. and thats quite a feat!...... i just erased what all i had typed.. because.. its not even worth it... so blah... ill think of something later