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I've lied to myself

I've lied to you all

I still think of him

I still think of it all



The bastard betrayed me

Stabbed me deep inside

It hurts to this day

But I don't let it show



With my head finally clear

And pen and paper at hand

I'm hoping that this poem

Will be the last one for that fag

There will come soft rain

Through my eyes

Tears fall quietly as secerets

There will come soft rain

I hear my heart for little clock

Tic tock

There will come soft rain

The pain you inflict

You'll never see

There will come soft rain

I stand here watching you

As my secerates fall from my eyes

Here comes the soft rain

You have hurt me too much

As my blood turns into soft rain

Do you see what you've done to me?

What an oh so merciful God

Now I hate you soft rain

Now is the time to stop the pain!

I've chosen my death

Or rather he's chosen me

Love has left me



The only love I am to fine

Is in my horrible dreams at times

Stabbed in the back

Now he'll pay for his crime



With death at my door

And love behind me

The is a follow up

To the poem I wrote so blindly



His intentions a lie

His truth be known



Teach me to fly

Give me wings

It's your turn death

You make the rhymes



I give myself to you

The only one

Who will not hurt



But if you think about it

Death is not the one I want to flirt



Death hurts

Others-- not me



So how bout this

I be with myself

Insted of this



Happy on my own

No one else is needed

In the arms of an angle



An angle face I never have seen



I fall asleep



With the hopes of no more bad dreams







Horrible images



In my minds eye behold



The doctors dont know what wrong with me







But in the arms of my angle



I feel a brief reprieve







In the small silence of the night time







My head dances with dreams



So peaceful for once



Not a death in sight



Theres no misery to be seen







Turn to the side



Out come my eyes



And theres burning pain inside me



My dream is over



Its back to terror for me

The doctors come in my room

Tell me I have something new

Something that cannot be cured

Something I've never heard



Live with this till I'm dead

My stomach's sick

I hit the ground



Eyes go blank

Not eating for weeks

This is something

I have to beat



I can't believe something new

I thought with everything--

It can't be true



More pain

More suffering

I must endure

But I'll get over it

This i'm sure

The coffin so close



I cant move away



I feel Ive given up







Im giving up on love



The last time really was the last



No one seems to be able to grasp



The pain Im having







Moving so slowly



I open the lid



And in it I see



Someone is dead







Not someone at all



But someone indeed



Someone I wished never would leave







The hopes and the dreams



I had living for me



Have gone in the grave



I can all but plainly see







Crying, oh please



Save me



I know you can hear us







I cover my ears



Because I know that theyre there



Just hoping that someday Ill hear them







But Ive given up



On my dreams







Someday again



I hope I can live



And forget all the pain I have seen here







The hopes and the dreams never will leave



With this



I burry them



I burry them with aspirations of someday



I will save them

Delibarate drips

The red river flows

Down to the floor

Under my toes



I've still got cuts

From 10 days ago



Never a whore

Hurt me so



Thrust up the walls

Hug them tight

Nothing gets through

Not even the light



Burning through pain

Searing from my eyes



I'm bleeding again

When ever will this dry



Fall to the floor

I guess I didn't miss

It's time to say good-bye

I give your body one last kiss

I like it when the red rivers flow

Standing in a puddle

Nine days old



You know why this puddle's made?

It makes my body cold

You've destroed me

deliberatly



Now crying

On your knees

You beg me

Save me please



Turn my back

Walk away

Never till my dying day



Help you up?

Pass you by?

I know how bad it hurts to cry

The truth of lies

Don't deny

You always tell me

The truth of lies



Time to die

The time has passed

I'm tird of this

You can kiss my ass



Shed the blood

Spread on the walls

Your time's done

You cannot stall



Knife to the throwt

Blood to the floor

Damnit

I missed the mark--



--Fine

Splatered the wall

And drench the floor

The point remains

You are, no more

White stains on my red carpet

How to get em out?

White stains on my red carpet

I'm having uh dry spell, I'm having drought



No blood to be spilled

No begs to be heard

What do I do With myself?

It's already the 3rd



They're coming for me

The people in coats

They've heard what i'm doing

They've heard how I gloat



But these white stains

On my beautiful red carpet--

I must get them away

I must get them out



But how do I do it?

When They know I'm about

No one will come anymore

Well-- I surly have my douts



I'm just so little

The men are so strong

How do I get them here?

How do I make them gone?



All very good questions

Damn, a knock at the door

I don't think I'll answer

I'm really in no mood

But I could just get them in

The carpet stains could be "gone with the win"!



The knock becomes a pound

I run to answer now

Oh shit-- it's the white coats

*sigh* all good things come to an end

Alcohol strains my voice

As I sing one last time

The song

Dedicated to my love



Pistol in hand

He's made his last-- final stand

One that didn't last long

He didn't even hear me finish my song



Down on the floor

Blood from the neck

I aimed for the head

But I missed

Eh what the heck?

Shoot em somore

Make sure he's dead

All the bloods run dry

But you never know what comes next



Police come

I claim self defence

He did beat me

I'll leave up to you all the rest

With death at the door

And love by my side

Which do I choose

Which do I deny



Love is wonderful

Makes me alive

but seceratly I always die



Death on the other hand

Is blissful

let go



The love that I have now

Is something I want to keep

But death is something

I always will seek



Do I trust this one?

Intentions so true

Or do I let go

Tell everyone I'm through?



Loves in the past

Hurt till death

But this one

Is something to last



Death will take me

And set me free



But this love

Will always

Let me be free



Which do I choose?

Which deny?



Have children?

Or end the line?



I think I'll try

To live life one more time

If this one hurts

It'll be death's turn to teach me to fly

Reaching out to you

I get no answer



I asked you a question

And you just stare across the room



Give me answers

Rage fills my cheeks

Give me answers

I get up and scream



I can't controle it anymore

You made this

You made me now



I can't contain this anymore

I finally let go

Spralled out on the floor



Ans you just sit there

Smile and watch

You have no idea vi'm missing

That I'm even gone



Burried in a ditch

Where no one comes



See you later dad

I hope u suffer when you miss me

Roses in a vause of glass

Whithered away at last

The glass still cristal clear

Much like the love I hold so dear



Our love has whithered

Time for the trash

But yet transparent stays the glass

We see right through each other

No hideing at last



Try to water us

Save us

But to no avail

Time to face it

We've failed



Whithered Roses

Sweet sorrow we see

At our love has ended

There is no more you and me

You make my heart

Turn into a darkened corps

Love, rotting away

Feelings of hate



My eyes belong to you now

Scence you took my heart away



Zombie love

Till death never us part

To the undead belongs my heart



Never ending

Never stops

The love i'm feeling

And the thoughts



To you my love

My heart belongs

Keep it locked in a box



To you always

My heart is lost

A valintines day that no one needs

A valintines day that no one sees

The kind of day that gose by slow

The kind of way that only some people know



The kind of day

Were blood is spilled

The kind of day

Were someone's killed



This is the day

When someone snaps

A day when life

Is ened like that



Rope on the ciling

Feet almost hit the floor

This could have been prevented

If only they would know



Blood driping from the ciling, the walls, the blinds

Someone could have stoped this

If only they were mine

Heal the wounds

So I may live

Heal the wounds

I didn't inflict

Heal the wounds I loved you till this



Close the cuts

The scars are made

Deep inside

The wounds ingraved



Heal them Quickly

Shut down

Don't cry



And some how yet

I cannot give up

I must try

I'll never let die



Harbored scars make me strong

Make me hard

Love less

Live more

Hide less

Try more

Cry less

Dive in more



Give up my life?

Never in vain

Let someone beat me up?

Never again



Quote the ravan

"never more"

Never will my heart settle the score

Rain falling hard

On my head

Sadistic thoughts running through my head

Stuck there till the urge is fed



Vegatate someone

Make them dead

Drink their blood

Rip open their head



I can't stop myself

I feal like killing again



Begging and crying

I'll make them pray



Dead by dawn

I can stay

Admire my work

If I like it that way



Wash the blood off of my skin

I can't it's gotten under my skin

Part of me for ever

Then reality kicks in



I'm still in the rain

No one's dead

Walking home

The thought of blood

Running through my head again

I have to go now

Before the urge to kill comes back again

But this time I might give in.....

I'm alone

Sitting with a broken heart

Shatered like a broken glass

To sharp to small to matter

But they slip enough

To cut



Don't blame me for

Seeing through a looking glass

Scence all I want to see is someone standing beside me



Hold me close, in his arms

Like a clock to weather the storm



Every rose has it's thrones

Every pric it shall make

Burried deep inside

Where I close up and hide the lies



NO one sees what lies behind

Behind the mask I hind my head



If I can't see them

Then they can't see me

Isn't that right?

baby?

The wind blows

My hair behind me

As I stand on a clif

The stars are blinding



In my eyes

The rocks below

It's so far down to go



Spread my arms

And try to fly

I think and weep

I finally cry



With one false move

Slip and fall

Down, Down

To the rocks

That I found



Not much more

Wating for the dark

Here it comes

I hear the bearing of my heart

Then, finally, it's all dark



The ocean

Takes my body away

As my spirit alys up

And someone calls my name

I look around

Then I see him

All in flames

"come to me Samantha, you don't deserve to leave"

"but I've done no wrong, why the flames?"

"it's plain and simple, clear as day, you help other, but we both know it's really self gain"

"I don't understand, I don't know what you mean"

"come with me Samantha, we'll whipe the slate clean"

"I don't believe in you, I know you're just a dream"

"look below you, that body there, I assure you it isn't me"



I wake up quick

Body soaking wet

I smell ocean water

There's salt in my eyes

Drugs

All my life

Drugs

Day and night

Drugs

I can't take anymore

Drugs

I think I've gone over bored



My heart is racing

My brain is pacing

So weak inside

Not enough strenghth to cry



Vision blurs

I hit the floor

I can't feel anything anymore



My heart in my ears

I can't even feel the tears

They run from my eyes

Am I really going to die?



Swearing

And freaking

What do I do?

I'm tird of what I'm going through



When will it end?

I need to know

When can I stop this?

When can I go?

When will they let me?

When can I cry?



Long lost tears

Burried deep inside

When can I let go?

When can I cry?



Is tonight the night?

Am I to die?

A statuet of a fairie girl

Sitting atop a horse

I painted many years ago



In a cabnet

Looked at

But not touched



Much like my heart

That I hold back on so much



No one gose in

And nothing comes out

No emotion

None allowed

To show feelings towards anyone

Not even in my own house



With out emotion

I don't know what to be

A stone? A rock?

No feelings inside



Don't breake down

Because I don't feel

When asked

How do I feel?

I replie with a simple white lie

Fine



They believe me

And carrie on

Never thinking something could be wrong

Until it's to late

And I'm already gone