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All I want to do is sleep, but my dreams are plagued with dark images. I keep having dreams of my death. Lying in a bath tub overflowing with blood, lifeless in a room with hallow blank eyes. expressionless, liveless, at peace. My mouth possitioned around a gun, no noise, slience. Then an ear piercing shot and again.. blood everywhere. My broken and battered body at the bottom of a cliff, still tha tblank peaceful look upon my face. What do these dreams mean? Why, night after night they haunt me? And then the one dream that should bring me such happiness only causes me so much more pain than any of the others.



An airport, my bags at my feet. A man, whom, I can not say. He looks at me with such love and yet so much sadness. I know he doesn't want me to go. We embrace, not the embrace of friends, but the embrace of lovers who want to say so much to eachother but are afraid to. My hands move up his back and to the hairline upon his neck, fingernails gently digging into the flesh pulling him closer. I can feel him, I can feel every though, every emotion. He doesn't want to let me go, nor I him. He pulls from me and looks into my eyes. A single tear rolls down his cheek and I whisper to him, "I know." He smiles and kisses me ever so tenderly, upon breaking the kiss he whispers " I love you." The words I've longed to hear and know that they are heartfelt. I cry softly, " I love you too" , and bend over picking up my bags and turn to leave. Even as I write these words now it brings such sadness to my heart and tears to my eyes, for I know as I did in the dream I'll never see him again. He pleads to me without words not to leave him, yet he knows I must go. Promises that we'll be together again, forever, but I know in my heart as he does, the promises, though heartfelt are untrue. I woke up crying from this dream, wondering who this man was and why I leaving someone I knew loved me with all his being. Why? I almost went without documenting this dream, because I couldn't bare to relive it, even if it was just a dream. But I don't want to betray him, this man whom loved me so much, enough to let me go. Whom ever he is, he's given me a glimps of hope that there is something out there for me. Even if it will cause me more sadness and pain, the moment will never be forgotten. I love you too.... whomever you are... Forever...