The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

an attorny was working late one night in his office when the devil suddenly appeared and offered him a deal. beginning immediatly, satan said the lawyer could win all his cases, make twice as much money, work half as much, be loved by his partners, be worshiped by the office staff, be attended to by a nymphomanical secretary and be assured of living to a happy, and healthy virile old age, "all i want in exchange," the devil said "is your soul and the souls of your wife, children, friends, ancestors, and descendents." the lawyer considered the offer. "so" he asked suspiciously, "whats the catch?"

vegetarian- indian word for lousy hunter

don't let your mind wonder it's to small to be outside by it's self

mary was on her death bed, with her sick husband, sam, at hert side. he held hed cold hand as tears streamed down his face. "sam," she said weakly. "hush dear." "sam," she wispered, " i have something to confess." " there is nothing to confess," sam soothed. "it's alright. everything is alright." "no, no, i must die in peace," mary insisted. "i must confess, sam, that i have been unfaithful to you." sam stroked her hand. "now mary, don't be conerned. i know all about it." "you do?" she gasped. "of course, dear. why else would i have poisoned you?"

friends help you move real friends help you move bodies

your just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you

i don't suffer from insanity i enjoy every minute of it

if at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried

we were born naked, wet and hungry then things got wrose

what happens when you scared half to death twice????

there is to much blood in my caffine system

out of my mind back in 5 minutes

okay who put a stop payment on my reality check

join the army, meet interesting people, then kill them

i just got lost in thought it was unfamiliar tarriory.

don't ticc me off i'm running out of places to hide the bodies

do not walk behind me, for i am not lead, do not walk ahead of me for i may not follow, do not walk beside me either, just leave me alone

when the concerned wife called about her ailing husband for the third time, the doctor lost his patience. "there isn't a damn thing wrong with your husband," he said. " i checked him out thoroughly, he only thinks he is sick."

a week later the doctor ran into the woman on the street. "so how is your husband?" he asked "terrible, now he thinks he is dead."

while testing a newly installed computer, an army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of world war 3 and promptly received a one-word answer: "yes." annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer barked "yes what?" instantly the machine replied, "yes sir!"