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Ughhhhh!
07:25 Jun 30 2013
Times Read: 356

So I finally start talking to him, just a regular fuckin' conversation, and of course it ends in a fight AGAIN, because I was being sarcastic and he took it so fucking serious. So he gets pissed off, I get depressed because the one time I finally get to really talk to him we just fight and I get blown off again.



But what really irritated me? All week, I've talked to him a total of 20-30 at the most, if that. He can't make time to text me, to call me, anything. The time he did call, he was just like "Oh I don't want to be on Greg's phone to long so I have to go"



Well, what does he tell me when we are talking? That the reason he didn't call his daughter is because he was on the phone with his family for AN HOUR.



He can talk on the phone with them for a motherfucking HOUR, but can't make time for me? Are you kidding me?!?!



The reasons why I'm losing my love for him just keep piling up. He just keeps doing the same shit over and over, he keeps throwing me under the bus, while him and everyone else are inside of it laughing.



If he doesn't make me a fucking priority in his life ASAP, like right fucking now, I'm going to just kick his ass out. My mom is moving out tomorrow, I'm applying to job after job every day busting ass, while hes not looking at all, just getting drunk every chance he gets, so why do I need to give him a place to live and take care of him, and cook for him, and be sweet to him, just for him to throw me under the bus, not care when I'm upset or hurting, not do shit. I just don't know. It's a waste.



Either he starts treating me the way I want him to, or I'll find someone who will.



There are sure a shit load of guys who would LOVE to take his place. And they would sure as hell treat me a hell of a lot better. They would take care of ME, instead of it always being the other way around. They would treat me like a fucking queen.



My patience is wore out. It's not wearing thin anymore, its wore out.

Now we're even.
09:13 Jun 29 2013
Times Read: 368

He doesn't love me or care about me anymore.



Well, now we're even.



I can barely even remember the things I loved so much about him.



He isn't the same man anymore.



He isn't the man for me anymore.



I'm not happy.



Yet, the thought of being without him kills me. It breaks me down. It breaks my heart.



I don't know what to do anymore. Nothing is going to change. I just....didn't know how he truly was before I guess.



All he cares about is getting drunk constantly, and doing whatever his friends tell him to.



He doesn't care about me.



I need more. I need so much more than this.



He doesn't deserve me.



But I still love him....why?



I'm so stupid....when will my brain overpower my heart, and let me make the right decision, once and for all.



It's not like he cares to fight to keep me anyways....

I guess this is it.
22:22 Jun 28 2013
Times Read: 377

He won't fight for me. He won't make time for me. All he ever wants to do is drink. He drinks way to fucking much. He hides me, he's probably flirting or fucking around with other girls out there since he's hiding the fact that he's with me. He doesn't even care about anything that I say. I complain and cry and let him know everything that is wrong, and he does nothing, so obviously warning him isn't enough. There is nothing left to do but end this right now if he can't just grow the fuck up. He's just a lazy drunk. He won't look for a job unless I make him do it, and even then he complains like hell. He won't apply for food stamps like he needs to. He won't make me a priority. What the fuck is the point anymore.



Maybe if I just focus on all of the bad things, I won't miss him so fucking much. Because right now, this just hurts....it hurts so fucking bad....I love him so much, and he hides me, and ignores me, and cares so little for me.

California knows how to party.
05:47 Jun 28 2013
Times Read: 393

So my boyfriend went to Cali with his best friend, which I was mad about, but didn't think to much of it. Then anyone I told where he was would instantly just be like "He went there without you?" and everyone would be shocked he would do that and start telling me he's a douche, he's probably gonna fuck around, yada yada. So I got a little more mad. And a little more cautious. Then he starts ignoring me. He "loses" his phone, which who knows if that's even true, so he doesn't hit me up all day. Doesn't call me. Doesn't text. Doesn't do shit. So I get more mad. So now his friend posts up pics of them at Mission Beach, which is where I went when I was a kid, so I sent a playfully mad message telling him he sucked, but then I went back to the picture with him, and I realized that he is only wearing one of the bracelets I made him. I made him 2, one saying "Kira" and one saying "Emily

Secrets, lies, who knows.
18:38 Jun 24 2013
Times Read: 407






So my boyfriend doesn’t know that I know yet, or maybe he does since he knows I see his facebook, but his friend was talking to him and said he was going to pick him up and take him to Cali today.



My boyfriend knows I hate random ass shit, and that he needs to plan shit so I know ahead of time, and even though his friend told him this yesterday, he still hasn’t even told me about it yet.



Honestly, I’m starting to think he isn’t going to tell me until he actually fucking leaves. Having my plans changed suddenly is such a huge pet peeve of mine, so the fact that he still isn’t telling me shit is just pissing me the fuck off.

I'm really not sure anymore.
05:52 Jun 23 2013
Times Read: 426

Things are complicated. My feelings are complicated.



I know he doesn't love me nearly as much as I love him anymore.



I kissed him today, and I looked in his eyes, and just looking in his eyes made me cry. To look in the eyes of a man I love so much, and know that he doesn't feel the same, that what you are thinking, and what he is thinking are just so different, it kills me. Truly it does.



I'm not sure where things are going anymore.



It's in fate's hands at this point.

He won't let me break up with him?
04:45 Jun 22 2013
Times Read: 438

So I just reached my breaking point and realized that I can no longer do this anymore after having asked my bf not to drink and shit when he went out, and after him blowing me off when I tried to speak to him about our relationship to begin with, so when he comes home instead of talking to me like he said that he would, he is wasted as fuck and yelling at ME to "Not kill his vibe or I'm gonna be fuckin' pissed" and just going on about how "he is kira" and "he is god" and being a fucking stupid drunk asshole. So I talk to his sister instead, and she tells me that he just has stopped caring ever since I cheated on him, and I know that is true it has been one of our biggest relationship issues. But with him still not being able to get over it after all of this time, he isn't going to give me the love, attention, and affection that I need out of a relationship. And he isn't going to put me on that pedestal, make me the important female in his life like any female should be if you are in a relationship. I'm not happy. He's not going to do what he needs to do to make me happy. But when I try and try and try to break up with him he refuses, and claims he loves me and is sorry but just can't get over me cheated. I told him its my fault so I'll deal with the consequences and just end it, and he just still doesn't. So I don't know what to do now. He isn't going to change. Nothing is going to change. I just want all of this shit to be over already.

Is he still attracted to me?
09:35 Jun 20 2013
Times Read: 440






I don’t know if its just because of how I’ve been feeling lately already that is just making me think about and doubt everything else, but now I’m even starting to feel like I’m not as attractive to him anymore either. I keep trying to kiss him for a while, but when I do he always pulls away first. And during sex it’s like he never looks at me, his eyes are always closed, and it makes me think that he doesn’t want to look at me while we’re fucking, or like he is thinking about something else when we are doing it….



Maybe it’s just all this other doubt I’m having lately pulling something else in, but its just how its seeming to me right now….



I really wish I could read minds or something so I knew what he truly felt, and what he truly wanted. I feel like he isn’t happy anymore either.

Are you happy?
22:30 Jun 19 2013
Times Read: 450

I feel like I could be so much happier. He says I won't find someone better than him, and I won't find someone who won't cheat, and all this shit, but you see couples who do things for each other and are truly in love and committed to each other everywhere, so if I truly wanted to I could find someone as well. I just don't feel the love and importance that I want to feel anymore. He doesn't talk about how he wants to marry him anymore, he doesn't talk about me to his friends and brag about me, he doesn't tell me sweet things or tell me how much he loves me, or why he loves me. He doesn't do anything sweet for me. He doesn't think about me when he makes plans or does anything. I'm just starting to feel like the love isn't there anymore. The spark is fading away. With him not making me feel as important as I want, in hand it makes me trust him less. If I'm not that important to him, than why not talk to other girls? Why not hide things? And of course he is going to be hiding shit now if he knows I look at his shit.



I truly just don't know what to do. I love him. I really truly do love him. But I'm just not happy. I need to feel the love in return, I need to be put on that pedestal. But it just isn't happening. I'm staying right now because I want this to work out. But if I don't see any effort, if I don't start feeling the way I need to feel and being treated the way I need to...well it's just the way it's going to have to be. I can't stay in a relationship if I'm just not happy anymore. I need someone who is as in love with me as I am with them. Right now I just don't feel it. I feel more like he thinks I'm crazy than like he loves me and wants to marry me and truly have a life with me. I'm just not that important.

Age differences.
03:03 Jun 15 2013
Times Read: 469

I get so irritated not being able to ever go out with my boyfriend anywhere. And then when he goes out and does shit that I COULD go and do with him, i just get soooooo pissed, because he never wants me to go. He insists that he does, but he never tries, or invites me or any of that shit. So fuck. It's hard to think if this is going to work out with us if he never lets me go with him anywhere when he goes to party. Like wtf.

He's still lying about it.
01:32 Jun 14 2013
Times Read: 473

I saw the proof with my own eyes. I try to talk to him about this shit and he STILL won't just open up to me and tell me what the fuck he REALLY likes. I just want him to fucking open up to me and trust me and fucking tell me the god damn truth, is that so fucking much to ask for?!?!?!?! He has tranny porn all in his phone, yet says that he doesn't like dick, thats not why he likes it.



The only difference between a tranny and a real fucking female IS THE DICK.



So how are you going to tell me you don't like dick and you don't like guys?!



God I'm just so mad that he won't just tell me the fucking truth so I can quit being irritated at him being a fucking liar all the god damn time.



I don't trust him for shit. He really isn't helping that fact that I don't trust him for shit either. I'm getting real sick of this shit real fucking quick.

Am I a shitty girlfriend?
09:07 Jun 13 2013
Times Read: 487






I don’t think my boyfriend trusts me enough to confide in me.



Not only was he flirting around with girls before he came back to vegas, but I found one where he is flirting around with a guy, and telling him about how he is bi and different guys he is attracted to.



He has told me time and time again that he is attracted to Trannies, but that was it. And he always tries to convince me that he isn’t interested unless they look just like a girl, or shit like that.



But then he tells this guy something totally different, and he flirts with this guy who clearly looks nothing like a girl.



I just don’t get why he can’t open up to me enough to tell me the truth about the matter, I’m his own girlfriend, he should feel like he can confide in me like that. I know I’ve made some shitty comments about him liking trannies but even so I wouldn’t care if he liked guys, if that’s what he likes thats fine.



I just hate that he can’t tell me the truth. It makes me wonder what he’s hiding from me.



And then all the messages with girls that he “doesn’t remember”. It is so ridiculous. He uses that excuse for everything, and it makes me think that’s another bullshit lie too.



I just don’t really know what to do at this point to be honest. I feel like I can’t trust him now even more so than before. And I feel like he can’t trust me.



I just don’t know what to do right now.

I have an 8 month curse.
04:49 Jun 04 2013
Times Read: 505

Every relationship that actually progresses into something, ends at 8 months. Either the other person just starts to annoy the fuck out of me, or they start cheating on me, or drug abuse, the list just goes on and on with all the fucked up shit that it turns into.



So now my current boyfriend and I have been together 7 months. It will be on the 28 of June.



Things have started going downhill so fast I can't even describe it.



I cook meals for him every day. I leave him cute notes, and do cute little things for him just to let him know that I care. I try so hard to make up for the mistakes that I've made in my past with him, but its to no avail. He still brings up the mistakes that I made every chance he gets, even though we've tried, or I'VE tried to have a clean slate. He never appreciates anything I ever do for him. All he ever focuses on is the negative things I do or have done. I put on the movie that HE wanted to watch, and what does he do? He talks about how I'm ALWAYS a fucking bitch. He is such an unappreciate fuck. Why do I do nothing but nice things for him, when he never does anything nice or sweet for me, never appreciates the things I do for him, can't make any fucking sacrifices for me or anything.



Chivalry is fucking dead. Romance is fucking dead. There will never be a good man out there for me that treats me the way I want to be treated. That does nice things for me or appreciates me the way I want to be. Who makes me the only female who is important in his life, besides family of course. Who makes me feel beautiful, and special, and important. Someone who makes me feel like I am their world, and like I am important to them.



He's never going to do any of that for me.



He's just filled with hate. Selfish fucking hatred.