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So, I have been trying to revive my emotions for quite some time now, looking into psychology for answers. Simply, my rationalization was that true love was to be the end of my pain because my need to be cared for was unfulfilled. Emotions are my reason to live, and I need another person who cares of me to feel deep emotion. And in the middle of this, everything day-to-day feels like a lie because of how shallow peoples feelings, words, and actions are. I have been looking into the Secret, the law of attraction that like thoughts create like realities. Basically, what you think becomes real after a time delay and it is altered by your internal feelings. I have been putting much effort towards positive thought recently with creating slideshows of affirmations, daily meditation, and constantly focusing on what I want as if I already had it. As my thoughts have started to become real, I realize how much power I have. Along with understanding the Secret, I have comprehended all the extensions of thought, perception, and psychological understandings of reality. I know so much from my research and inner meditation as well, it is amazing to have such power.

Onto the interesting part, I have a story to tell of how my thoughts became real. Yesterday, there was a Halloween party for the area, the Vampire's Masquerade. It was in the evening, so when I was done with school for the day, I decided to work out to make use of my time. Going for a jog, I had the idea to focus on the event to imagine as if everything would go perfectly. I had no script for the night, just thoughts of wanting to feel again. I knew that I had put so much effort in the past to summoning goodness into my reality, I saw the Masquerade as a way that all of that could become real. I accepted that it would be the gateway for me to feel again. It is all a placebo effect, I alter my beliefs to alter the world around me, but by the time I was finished with my run, I had a firm idea in my mind that I would have a fantastic time.

There were three distinct things that I had thought of that manifested. First of all, I wanted to use my exceptional social skill just to talk to people because I have been so isolated. Expanding upon that, I was effortlessly able to talk to groups of people I didn't know and made friends quickly, in perfect alignment with my thoughts.

the second is that I have been building up my hypnosis skill for quite some time, but I have not been around people in situations where I would be able to hypnotize them. I took the opportunity of the social environment to have some fun at the gathering. Whilst I was talking through a couple groups of people, I noticed there was a girl who really seemed like she wasn't enjoying herself, she was really shy and self-conscious. I asked her if she thought hypnosis was real, and she didn't believe it worked. I just talked to her to hypnotize her to feel good, and she felt happier. Later in the evening, I left for meet another random group of people, and randomly there was a young lady who seemed energetic, but she was a third wheel to a couple of friends that she brought. I basically walked up to her and put my hand on her shoulder as I hypnotized her to feel pleasure. I didn't know I had this much social power. Anyway, we are close friends now too, I now realize that hypnosis creates a deep sense of a spiritual connection between two people.

third of all, I wanted to meet someone that would understand my feelings. Sounds a bit silly in hindsight, I believed it and my desire came true. The second girl I hypnotized, Holly, listened to my story of how I suffer from a numbness. Her caring gives me hope that I may soon be cured of this starvation.

So now I have solid proof that I can psychologically bend beliefs to physically bend very real situations. My need for caring is heightened, my pain sharpened by my loneliness now, but this is just a fleeting feeling because I need love so much. I know that I can be grateful for my feelings slowly returning, and I will soon be in a constant pleasurable mindset, that is my next item to summon. I have a flicker of hope, a slight memento of feeling has been awakened within me by realizing and accepting my strength. Still, I shall stick to the shadows for now, I have things to get out of the way before doing anything too big, simple bits of schoolwork and organizing my writings. I have work to do, and I am motivated to work well, knowing I have finally found something real that justifies all that I think of, all that I feel, and all that I am.

Send me a message if you want any information or have any questions. I wish the best for all of you, happy Halloween.