Fine. Let me put it all out there: Call me a gold-digger. So what?! At least I know how to survive!
Or something like that.
Love is so rare. It is a diamond in the rough. I am Ruby. - a precious red stone. So yes, a Ruby gemstone will prolly never achieve the calibre of a diamond... And fact of the matter is, is that, no decent gemstone will ever outdo, outwit, and outlast another gemstone.
I fucking know my place in this world.
And it's not with you.
Effin big babies.
After a couple of months away from toxicity, I finally feel free now. But, true freedom is something that has to be fought for, by individuals.
On a lighter note, it feels really good and comforting to bump into familiar faces, on Rave.
I am not one for much small talk, thus my apparent aloofness. I just cannot be personal without fucking the dude on the other side of the screen.
So, I find myself oftentimes, feeling loneliness.
Oh well, that's my curse.
I really need to update the corrective lenses of my glasses. Blurry vision in my right eye has been due to astigmatism, an optician diagnosed. So yeah, I have tried so many pairs of glasses from various opticians, yet, somehow, I cannot help but intuit that I have been banging on all the wrong doors.
Oh well. Perhaps sometime next week I shall pay a visit to a suitable optician.
Why the fuck do I have to live through trial and error?!
Make my life easier already, someone!
Boredom is a sure-fire way to all things silly., for real. I was feeling a little down, some time back, so, I decided to get 2 boxes of decolourant to bleach my already short bobbed hair. Then, I dyed it a pastel pink. I was running low on my finances, so I decided to put myself through the workforce. And that required me to change the colour of my pink hair. I dyed it a dark brown. It was all done in vain, as my superior expressed her disapproval of my dark brown hair. So, I had to dye it a jet black.
I put my tresses through effin hell, for sure. And if you have not guessed, dear reader, I had hair beyond repair.
I have clippers that I had bought some time back; so, with the help of a pair of scissors and a shaver, I shaved off all of my hair.
Damn right I felt naked and vulnerable! That is an understatement!
Now, there a fuzz of hair growing out, and I plan on keeping it this way.
Paid for some cheap, but affordable, gothic outfits via the mighty Internet! (I always feel the most alive when I have just recently shaved off my hair) I am absolutely psyched over these girly stuff.
Tacky to dress in goth outfits when I am above my thirties? Think again.
You may have ravaged my body and mind, but never my soul!
How have the freaks here been lately? Me, well, I am still breathing. Life is so much spent in solitude in this community-living environment that I can not help but feel that I want so desperately to end it all. Wouldn't that be just peachy - this ending all suffering.
But no, i still trudge on... Without razing my past - which has undoubtedly shaped me to who I am now.
Good or bad news, I have no clue. Let's see how my life unravels itself.
I cannot help but feel that my prime days are over. I am merely this discarded shell of a being so superior. Age is catching up, for sure.
Looks like I'm going to die all alone.
Bleak outlook of future.
I am regressing into the days of safety. Went online and splurged ALL my money on cheap gothic wear. I think I prefer my universe... A universe lived so long ago... seems like yesterday, tbh.
Yes, I am a cheap whore. I go to work when I need money. I breathe. I walk. I laugh in the face of the Devil.
Thus is life.
I am sincerely hoping that one of us is, at least, doing good out there.
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