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CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs's Journal


CuRsEdToDaRkNeSs's Journal

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2 entries this month
 

Depression is a Bitch

06:07 Apr 20 2006
Times Read: 662






Life sucks in this major bad way. I swear disappearing sounds so appealing. What do you do when no one wants you or even wants to be near you? Well at least when the one person you love more than anything and would do anything for doesnt love you. What does it take to make someone see that the one person you want to be with is them and that you will fight to keep them at all costs. I think if I got anymore depressed right now I would be someone where under a bed curled up in a ball hoping that no one would ever find me. I can't do that though. I do not have the time to be depressed or hide from the world. I have to be strong for my little girl, and let all emotions hide. If I dont she would become frightened and there is no explaining it to her. Either way, I just want to vanish, and never return. The song that you hear is one of our songs. Our first and original song that he chose for us is Lifehouse: Hanging By A Moment, but this is the second one he chose.


I always thought we had such a beautiful story and now he tells me it was all fake. We met through a mutual friend (I was engaged to), he once told me that he fell for me the moment he saw me. I was attracted to him the second I saw him. We went on as friends for a good long while, and when my current relationship ended he pursued me. It took me such a long time to let him in and then one day, I did. We use to stay up all night long and do nothing but talk about nothing and everything, holding one another and cuddling. We use to always hold hands, and be affectionate. We had talked about marriage and he had purposed to me... I of course had accepted. We had not chosen a date but we were in love and we were going to get married. I remember one morning waking up and looking at him. All I could do was sit there and cry because for once I was truley happy and I loved him so much. I knew then and there that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man. Now, I have never been the irational type, but for once I was. When he woke up I told him I wanted to get married the next day, and he was totally all for it. That night we went to sleep in each others arms talking about how wonderful it would be to be married to one another. When we woke up, I went to school, (college) and when I got out I went to Wal-Mart and bought two basic silver wedding bands. It would do the trick until we could afford better. We rushed to the court house and said our I do's. When we kissed for the first time as husband and wife, it felt like the biggest weight had been lifted from me. I remember that feeling like I were living it this very second. He use to never take his wedding ring off, and now he never wears it. He has internet girls and some that arent internet. All I want is him, and all he wants is everything but me. I don't understand what I have done, and I would do anything to take whatever it is back. I have given up everything I could have ever had for him and I would never think twice about changing that. I love him today just as much if not more than I did the day I married him. I just don't know anymore. All I want is him and for us to have that happiness we once had. I miss holding his hand, snuggling up to him, fitting perfectly in his arms, talking about everything and nothing, and most of all I miss the I love you's that I use to hear. I cant even remember the last time that he said those words. All I can do is cry and wish that things were different.


All I can do is cry, as more and more on the inside I die.



Everything

Lifehouse


Find Me Here

Speak To Me

I want to feel you

I need to hear you

You are the light

That's leading me

To the place where I find peace again.


You are the strength, that keeps me walking.

You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.

You are the light to my soul.

You are my purpose...you're everything.


How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?


You calm the storms, and you give me rest.

You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.

You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.

Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?


How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?


Cause you're all I want, You're all I need

You're everything,everything

You're all I want your all I need

You're everything, everything.

You're all I want you're all I need.

You're everything, everything

You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.


And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?


How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?


Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?




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Hubby has songs stuck in my head......

18:41 Apr 18 2006
Times Read: 668








Okay so I do not normally listen to much rap, but my husbands best friend has gotten him listening to it alot and well now he has it all stuck in my head. lol. I swear I like some rap but some of this stuff is just insane. lol. How in the world do you get a song unstuck from your brain? LMAO! At least the ones that are stuck in my brain are particularly catchy.









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